


Watch and Draw the Sky

by eggsootart



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Ambiguous Relationships, BaekXing, Coming of Age, M/M, Reunion, Romance, a glossed over handjob, do you have to tag 'lots of making out', mentioned Internalized Homophobia, this is set in korea but I used american school systems for grade levels and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-01 17:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 54,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16769506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggsootart/pseuds/eggsootart
Summary: When a childhood heartthrob comes crashing back into Yixing’s life, it's all exactly the same—it’s like the free-spirited Byun Baekhyun never really grew up. But with the way Baekhyun still makes Yixing feel, with every kiss, every look from those eyes, Yixing realizes he may not have fully grown up, either.





	1. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i am back, with something ive been working on for a while,, i know i’ve already posted a baekxing with a reunion theme, but i swear this is completely different!!hopefully i do this right lol. this was originally just something i was doing for fun since it combines a lot of themes i enjoy, but it got /long/ so i hope you can enjoy it too! ♡

If there exists a single view that can perfectly capture the feeling of nostalgia, Yixing knows it perfectly.

It’s here. Every time he comes back to his parents’ house, nestled right into the peaceful little cul-de-sac that no longer has children running every which direction with their toys in hand, Yixing’s mind automatically wanders off to reminisce about a distant time when it did.

But with all of the neighborhood kids having grown up since then, or moved away, it’s fallen quiet. The basketball hoop on the Oh family’s driveway is collecting dust, Mr. Kim’s car that Yixing would always see parked on the curb is now almost never in sight ever since it’s been passed down to Jongin, and as a whole, the place just doesn’t look as _big_ as it used to.

It’s something he thinks about, a lot. How the memories of the lively street of his childhood that used to be his whole world, almost don’t even feel real, anymore.

Amidst these thoughts, Yixing lets out a heavy sigh—in part because, as someone who always enjoys the simple pleasures in life, he enjoys seeing his breath fog up now that the days are getting colder. But this time, it’s mainly due to the stress and the fatigue that has been eating away at him the past few days, and while he’s powered through his exams and his weekly shifts at the hospital, his puffy, sleep-deprived eyes are his only trophy.

There’s also the fact that Junmyeon is on his heels right now, kissing goodbye any hope Yixing had of getting some peace during his short vacation.

“Thanks again for letting me stay at your place, Yixing,” Junmyeon sings, looking perfectly fine despite having just suffered the same exams. “Your hometown is so nice, I wish Kyungsoo could’ve came with.” His ability to stay chipper no matter what has always perplexed Yixing; Junmyeon claims his parents raised him to always be positive, but Yixing also suspects that, when it comes to school, there is just that much of a talent gap between them.

“You think so?” Yixing asks with a small smile, pulling his house key out and proceeding to let himself in. “Growing up, people would complain that there’s not much here. But, home is home.”

Yixing suddenly pauses right in the middle of the door frame, making Junmyeon nearly bump into him. He looks back at his now perplexed looking friend, having just remembered something.

“My mom’s probably going to ask if we’re dating...she always does this, so don’t feel bad about saying no,” Yixing says offhandedly, not bothering to let Junmyeon finish his sputter of _“huh?”_ before loudly announcing that he’s home.

The meeting went well, and while it all generally flowed smoothly, Yixing and a flustered Junmyeon did, in fact, have to disappoint Yixing’s thrilled mother with the news that they were, “sadly,” not an item. But she gladly settled for Junmyeon being Yixing’s close friend and roommate, and easily welcomed him, as Yixing knew she would.

“So, your mom knows that you’re…?” Junmyeon begins to ask after dinner, sitting cross-legged on Yixing’s bed as Yixing pulls out some extra blankets from the closet.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Yixing replies nonchalantly, now looking for pillows. “I told her a couple years ago, she was fine with it. Sometimes I feel like she and my dad had money on it.”

“No way,” Junmyeon laughs, tossing his head back. “That’s something.”

“Yeah,” Yixing says with a small sigh, recalling with unexpected fondness, the sight of the absolutely impish smile his mother tried to hide as she elbowed Yixing’s father, how he barely heard her cheekily remarking, _"_ _I told you."_ “They took it...surprisingly well.”

“It seems like it,” Junmyeon agrees, getting up to invasively explore every corner of Yixing’s childhood bedroom. It’s a matter of seconds before he suddenly coos, “wow, is this you? You’re so little!”

Raising an eyebrow, Yixing peers over at Junmyeon, instantly making a face when he realizes what he’s looking at. A small picture frame sitting on top of his dresser, a snapshot of Yixing and some of the other kids who lived nearby. It’s been a while since Yixing really looked at it, and he finds himself struggling to recall his exact age at the time the picture was taken.

“That was ages ago,” he comments, suddenly feeling incredibly old when he remembers what all of those kids now look like, what _he_ now looks like, and how the only worry they had back then was avoiding sunburn. But when he really thinks about it, he decides not everything has changed—he knows that Jongin, Taemin, and Soojung are still quite the trio, that Sunyoung is pursuing teaching like she always aspired to do. Chanyeol and Sehun have decided to scrounge up a cheap apartment in the city together, and Yixing has grown closer to them because of it. And Kyungsoo and Yixing, who are linked arm in arm in the photograph, have long known that they were the one thing in this world keeping each other sane.

Yixing only realizes now that, despite the disorienting visual reminder of time’s passage, he’s actually done a decent job of knowing what everyone’s been up to.

He watches Junmyeon pick up and observe each frame sitting on the dresser, before taking back that thought. Almost everyone, it would be more accurate to say.

“Were you crying, here?” Junmyeon snickers, making Yixing stifle a laugh. Junmyeon holds up a small photo, of Yixing and another one of his neighbors.

“Guilty. That was an older kid in the neighborhood,” Yixing explains, tapping on the worn picture to gesture towards a grinning boy in a baseball uniform, one hand placed on a disheveled looking Yixing’s shoulder and the other pointing towards the camera, urging Yixing to smile. “He offered to play catch with me since I followed him to his games sometimes, but the ball ended up hitting me in the face and giving me a nosebleed. Wow, my mom, thinking that this was something to document...”

“Why not? You still look pretty happy, to me.”

The two share a laugh over how the story matches the picture, with 10 year-old Yixing flashing a toothy grin despite his red face and the balled-up tissue stuck in his nose. Yixing feigns ignorance, but he knows why he was really able to find it in him to smile. He knows full well.

“You sure he didn’t do it on purpose to get you to leave him alone?” Junmyeon jokes. “High schoolers can be cruel.”

“Not him,” Yixing begins to reminisce without realizing, his eyes beginning to carefully gloss over the boy’s face as memories began to involuntarily surface. His smile gradually loosens, his expression begins to go slack as he grows wistful. “He was a really nice boy.”

A few hours later, Junmyeon is already asleep in the guest room, leaving Yixing to his own devices for the night. He heads downstairs into the dining room, where his mother is sorting through the mail, and takes the time to turn on a lamp for her.

“Thank you,” she hums.

“You’ll hurt your eyes if you keep reading in the dark, _Māmā,"_ Yixing advises. His mother absentmindedly nods while giving a playful shooing motion of her hand, making Yixing huff and head for the fridge.

“Is _Bàba_ coming back, soon?” Yixing calls from the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. “He hasn’t gone on a business trip this long in a while. Has he called?”

“Yes, don’t worry,” his mother replies, still not looking up. She chuckles, “we’re not _that_ old that a bit of travel wears us down. We’re still planning to go places, once you’re done with school and start your residency, after all.” Yixing is nodding along as he takes a drink, when he begins to ponder. Now that Junmyeon has gone and made Yixing remember a time that’s long since passed, it seems his mind has become occupied with things he hasn’t had the chance to think about in years.

“ _Māmā_ _,_ ” he begins, pausing until he hears his mother make a noise of acknowledgement. “Did the Byuns ever talk about how their son was doing? After he left, I mean.”

“Hm? Ah, they always told me he’s fine. I’m guessing he’s still there.” He hears his mother laugh to herself a little, as she, too, remembers how life was when Yixing was growing up. “You two got along well, you’d always mope around when he was off at college. It’s a shame he left, so soon—but, he must be up to great things.”

“Yeah.” Yixing stalks out of the kitchen without giving it much more thought, only stopping to give his mother a small hug from the side and accepting the pinch she plants on his cheek. “Well, I’m going to follow Junmyeon’s example and get some sleep. Goodnight.”  


⇀⇀  


“Hey, neighbor.”

A voice made Yixing look up from the line of ants he had been observing in lack of anything better to do, and he was surprised to see a familiar boy in front of him, holding a baseball bat perched over his shoulder, eyes unassuming and neatly framed by dark bangs. They had technically met the other day already, but it had been so rushed, with the boy running off with his friends the second his mother finished introducing him to Yixing’s family; Yixing was surprised the boy even remembered him.

“Hi,” Yixing replied, not meaning for his voice to sound so disinterested, immediately growing nervous. But his new neighbor didn’t seem to mind, and continued to make small talk.

“Whatcha doin’, squatting out here by yourself?” he asked, his words lax and laidback in that way all high schoolers Yixing knew spoke. He smacked on his gum loudly, before blowing a bubble that grew, popped, then deflated as he waited for Yixing to answer. Yixing found himself deliberating over how he should respond, looking down at his shoes before deciding to just be honest.

“Nothing,” he murmured in response, picking at a blade of grass sticking out of the cracks in the sidewalk. “My parents told me to go out and try to make some friends.”

“Right.” The boy looked down at the ants Yixing had been watching earlier, snickering. “Nice friends you’ve made, there.”

Yixing clammed up, his eyes darting to the few kids that are out right now, whom he hadn’t had the nerve to approach, then back at the boy. Finally, without anything else to say for himself, he utters out a “thanks.” Unexpectedly, the boy begins to laugh.

“Well, then. Remember my name?” the boy asked, bringing Yixing’s attention to his friendly grin. It was inviting, and Yixing finally relaxed a little, being given the impression that he wasn’t being teased.

“Baekhyun,” he answered obediently, and his company nodded in approval.

“Hey, that’s it,” Baekhyun trilled, and with that he turned on his heel, heading the other direction. Yixing wondered what he was even expecting, when Baekhyun suddenly stopped in his tracks. He turned to look over his shoulder, like he nearly forgot something. “Oh—and your name, again?”

So he didn’t remember _all_ of their meeting, Yixing realized with a pang of amusement. In fact, he didn’t even remember what was probably the most important part. He nonetheless answered Baekhyun, who nodded again.

“Alright, Yixing. We’re friends now, so you can go in and tell your parents, yeah?”

It was a simple statement that stunned Yixing, but he found it in him to nod. His wide eyes were not so much from the excitement of fulfilling his parents’ wish, but rather the idea of Baekhyun readily calling him a friend—but Baekhyun didn’t seem to realize this.

“You’re welcome!” Baekhyun called, before running off with his bat in tow. Yixing watched him disappear around the corner of the street, before getting up from the curb and brushing off the dust off of the seat of his pants. He thought he felt a little better, a little more at ease, for the first time this week—maybe he’d thank Baekhyun, the next time he saw him.

  
⇋

  
With Baekhyun being older than Yixing, the two naturally held different routines that prevented them from seeing each other as much as one would think. While Yixing would be on a bus taking him to his middle school, Baekhyun would already be at the high school in the opposite direction.

Still, he felt a sort of gravitation towards Baekhyun—a mere curiosity was all it started out as. He would unintentionally stop to stare a little whenever he saw Baekhyun coming down the street, and that would almost always end with Baekhyun catching him. Yet Yixing began to enjoy being caught; Baekhyun would always give him a playful smile or a wave, or call out a hello even when he was with friends.

He was kind, like that. He’d almost always oblige when kids even younger than Yixing would ask him to play with them, helping Seulgi etch out surprisingly well drawn murals on the blacktop with chalk, playing catch with Jongin and Sehun and letting them take turns using his mitt, patiently sitting cross-legged on the grass to braid all the girls’ hair for them. Whenever he’d run off with his friends from school, he would smile and promise the whining kids that he’d play another day.

Yixing never would have described himself, back then, as smitten. He simply found it normal, that of course what _he_ liked about Baekhyun, everyone else did. Baekhyun was outgoing, Baekhyun was engaging, even his smile was, as Yixing would think to himself from time to time, like sunshine.

And he could never get enough of that light.

It really started on a summer day when Yixing and Kyungsoo were bored with nothing to do, sluggishly lying around in Kyungsoo’s room until Kyungsoo’s mother suggested watching the high schoolers’ baseball game, to cheer for Baekhyun and Minho. In reality, a baseball game between two high schools is not one of the most eventful things in the world, nor is it very intense, or even that engaging. But to kids like Yixing and Kyungsoo, it was a source of mild entertainment in their quiet little town.

His first time sitting in the stands at the park, Yixing’s eyes were immediately glued to Baekhyun. Whenever he geared back for a final pitch, or slid onto the home plate, or managed to swiftly crack his bat against the baseball in a matter of seconds, Yixing was in absolute awe. And after Baekhyun’s school had won five to three, Yixing clapped until his palms stung, as Baekhyun was applauded for throwing the winning pitch. Brick-colored dirt caked onto his white pants and all over the bottom of his cleats, sweat making his bangs clump together, a smile so radiant and triumphant.

So Yixing found himself watching Baekhyun’s games, every once in a while. As a child, he almost grew to idolize Baekhyun, who never gave any indication that he was anything less than Yixing had built him up to be, always exhibiting such kindness, wit, and charisma. He was always surrounded by people; he was always, in Yixing’s eyes, so undeniably loved.

Watching often paled in comparison to when the game was over, however. Sometimes Baekhyun would treat Yixing and Kyungsoo to ice cream despite his limited pocket money, or sneak them some of the team’s sugary sports drinks and sodas that were normally deemed off limits by their parents. But Yixing much preferred days where, if he got lucky, Baekhyun would offer to walk home with them.

“How come your parents never come?” Yixing asked, looking up at a slightly sweaty Baekhyun. It was a cooler evening in August that the two of them were walking home. Baekhyun, not looking bothered by the question, merely gave a shrug of his shoulders.

“Oh, you know. My dad is busy at the church, and my mom’s usually at work at this hour. Or she’s too tired to come.” Baekhyun stated it all in a matter-of-fact way, not looking the least bit affected while Yixing, on the other hand, was growing a bit glum.

“Oh… Is that okay with you?” Baekhyun still didn’t bat an eyelash, only nodding, spinning his bat aimlessly within his grip.

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter.” He paused, looking off in the distance. “Truth is, I don’t really care about baseball.”

“What?” Yixing gaped, as if the unthinkable were unfolding. “But you’re so good at it!”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun chuckled, pushing back his matted bangs. “I just joined the team because, well, it’s what my parents wanted. They wanted me to be active or else I’d just be cooped up, doing nothing all day.”

“So...do you want to quit?” Yixing asked, still trying to grasp the fact that what he had seen as a fundamental aspect of Baekhyun, might not be that at all. “It can’t be fun to do something you don’t want to.”

“That’s right,” Baekhyun mused, like he wanted Yixing to take this away as a lesson. “But, don’t worry. It’s not the _worst_ thing in the world. I’ll just see it through, until I find something better.”

Yixing began thinking that Baekhyun could possibly be one of the most talented people he knew. After all, he was so good at something that he apparently only had lukewarm feelings for, at best. In that case, Yixing couldn’t imagine how much Baekhyun would thrive at something he was truly passionate about. It then got him wondering what that ‘something’ might be.

“What’re you zoning out, for?” Baekhyun suddenly snorted, stirring Yixing out of his thoughts. “It’s not the end of the world, you know.”

“I know,” Yixing stuttered, unable to articulate what he was feeling, what his reasons were. “I just liked watching you play.”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun tilted his head to the side, his eyes bright and amusement tugging at the corners of his smile. He let out a small laugh, making Yixing feel even shier. “You’re really nice, Yixing.”

The conversation shifted for the remainder of the walk home. Baekhyun’s house would come up first, and after they said their goodbyes, Yixing remained with his feet planted on the sidewalk, something preventing him from moving.

“Hey, Baekhyun,” he suddenly called out without really thinking it through, immediately growing a little nervous when Baekhyun looked over his shoulder, curiously. Not really having the time to gather his thoughts, Yixing just let out what was on his mind. “I hope you find what you want to do.”

At that, Baekhyun broke into a small smile, prompting Yixing to do the same.

As it turned out, Baekhyun only stayed on the baseball team for a year more, before suddenly withdrawing. It was bittersweet; Baekhyun’s place on the team had been something Yixing always regarded with fondness. But in hindsight, Baekhyun’s absence surely meant that he had found the _something better_ that he had been waiting for.

In fact, Baekhyun, in general, grew to have a different air about him at times. He was usually all smiles and pep, known throughout by the neighborhood moms as nothing short of a ray of sunshine. But Yixing noticed something different one Sunday afternoon, when he looked out his window to see Baekhyun and his parents walking home from church.

Things seemed different, somehow. Perhaps it was just Baekhyun’s growing age, perhaps it was Yixing’s imagination. But there seemed to be a certain weight to the way he walked, the way he carried himself. Yixing remembered the first time he had seen Baekhyun on his way back from church, how the immaculate way he cleaned up each week was always something that the neighborhood kids poked fun at and the adults doted on him for. Yet this time, there was a certain carelessness that Yixing could detect in Baekhyun, from the decreased effort put into parting his hair, to the way his shirt wasn’t as tightly tucked into his pants. He walked a few paces behind his parents now, not seeming to pay them or anything around him any particular attention. Yixing was unsure why the image before him felt so inexplicably off.

He was able to shrug it off, discounting it merely as his imagination, quickly forgetting about it. The feeling of unease Yixing had only resurfaced when, a few weeks later, he had been walking home from his bus stop and spotted Baekhyun sitting alone on the curb in front of his house.

“What are you doing?” Yixing piped up, making Baekhyun look up in surprise. Upon seeing it was Yixing, Baekhyun hastily put away his phone that he had been staring so intently at, before giving a small smile.

“Just waiting for a friend to pick me up. How was school?” Baekhyun patted the space next to him, beckoning for Yixing to sit. “Keep me company.”

Yixing didn’t need to be asked twice. He took a seat next to Baekhyun, and the two began to talk away about school, hobbies, friends, anything that came to mind, really. But Yixing couldn’t help but feel that, despite Baekhyun’s laughter and interest, he seemed somewhat dampened.

“Wait...isn’t today Tuesday? Don’t you have youth group?” Yixing asked, perplexed to see Baekhyun’s smile slowly melt away as he shook his head.

“I don’t go, anymore,” Baekhyun replied, his voice on the quieter side, which was something Yixing seldom heard.

“Oh,” Yixing replied, clearly perplexed. “So you only go to church Sundays, now?”

“I guess,” Baekhyun relented. “Probably would ditch that too, if I could.”

“Really?” Yixing’s eyebrows raised. He didn’t have much of a clue on how religion of any kind really worked, but even he thought that this was quite the development. “Aren’t your parents, like, super strict about that?”

“Yeah…” Baekhyun sighed, a rare sight for Yixing, resting his cheek on his palm. “They are.”

A small silence ensued, and Yixing could only wallow in his own confusion. It was obvious to anyone who knew them that Baekhyun’s family was very religious, if his father being a pastor didn’t give anything away. Because Baekhyun had always gone to church, Yixing naturally assumed that Baekhyun was just as devout as his parents. But that clearly wasn’t the case.

“Don’t tell your mom and dad that I said that, though,” Baekhyun finally laughed, his now chipper voice bringing back some of the normalcy between them. “My parents would kill me.”

“I won’t,” Yixing promised. “Have you always not liked it? Church, I mean.”

“It’s not the worst thing,” Baekhyun said with a shrug. Yixing now realized that Baekhyun talked that way about a lot of the things he did. Or, used to do. He felt his lips purse as a frustrated edge began to grow in Baekhyun’s voice. “I just never really went because I _wanted_ to, you know? I went because I was told to. It’s always like that, with me.”

“Are you mad?” Yixing asked quietly, and Baekhyun turned to him with wide eyes.

“No! No,” Baekhyun assured, laughing at the way Yixing’s shoulders went relaxed. “It’s just frustrating, when people say I’m good at things, 'cause that builds their expectations of me and they get all upset when I quit. It was like that with baseball, with choir and youth group and all that.”

“What do _you_ like doing, Baekhyun?” Yixing decided to ask, feeling that it was the right thing to do. Baekhyun looked at him, a small smile sprouting on his face. It made Yixing wonder if anyone ever really asked Baekhyun this kind of question, before.

“Good question,” he tittered. “Well...I quit baseball, because I joined the art curriculum, at school.”

“Really?” Yixing asked, and he could see Baekhyun’s expression loosen a little, expecting disappointment. Until Yixing nodded eagerly. “You’re so good at drawing! I remember, whenever you drew with us on the street, or those Easter eggs you painted for the church.”

“I’m not that good,” Baekhyun said modestly, only to earn protest from Yixing. Baekhyun broke into a chuckle, seeming unsure of how to respond. It then struck Yixing that he had never really seen Baekhyun grow bashful before. It was almost comforting in a sense, to see this new side of him, when he was always expected to be so headstrong.

“I think it suits you,” Yixing said. “Did you ever take lessons?”

“Yeah, when I was younger. But my parents wanted me to do other things, so I just practiced on my own, secretly,” Baekhyun replied, seeming more at ease. He leaned back, rolling his neck to work out the tension in it. “I wish I got serious about it, sooner. But, as they say, it’s never too late.”

Yixing agreed, before asking Baekhyun more about his newfound passion. It never occurred to Yixing how surprised Baekhyun was to see someone so interested, and for the first time, Baekhyun seemed unaccustomed to talking about himself.

“I started painting sets for the theatre at my school,” Baekhyun mentioned, “it sounds kind of lame, I know. But it’s the most fun I’ve had in a while.” Yixing laughed a little in response, making Baekhyun raise an eyebrow with an incredulous look on his face. “Hey, you’re laughing at me, now?”

“No, no,” Yixing denied, holding up his hands in defense, even though he knew Baekhyun was joking. “It’s just, I pictured you more as the one in the spotlight, rather than someone backstage.”

“Ha-ha. Well, my parents would never let me,” Baekhyun mused. Yixing stopped giggling at this, blinking unassumingly.

“Why not?” Yixing questioned, making Baekhyun shrug.

“That kind of thing just...isn’t in their plan for me,” Baekhyun said, seeming like he was choosing the words carefully, like he was holding back. “Art, theatre, it’s not stuff that they see as important, for my future. I guess they’re right.”

“Don’t say that,” Yixing said quietly, but Baekhyun only smiled back. Not one of his wider, bright smiles, or his soft, reassuring smiles; it was hesitant, uncertain.

Before he could even reply to maybe give Yixing a reason for that sad little smile, a loud honk made both of them look up, to see an approaching car that was loudly blasting music. It rolled almost recklessly into the neighborhood, coming to a hard stop in front of the two with a slight screech. A boy sitting in the passenger seat rolled down his window, then rapped on the side of the car with his knuckles, as if the entrance wasn’t enough to get Baekhyun’s attention.

“Get in, bitch,” Baekhyun’s friend called with a grin, the word making Yixing stiffen a little, purely because of how little he had ever heard profanity used in real life. Baekhyun stood up, shooting his friends a small glare.

“Hey,” he said in a warning tone, subtly nodding his head in Yixing’s direction, “watch it.”

He then turned back to Yixing, raising a hand to give him a small pat on the head, that transitioned into a tousle of his hair. It was something he did from time to time, that always made Yixing feel overwhelmingly pleased. “Thanks for sticking around, Yixing. I’ll see you.”

“Okay,” Yixing stammered, waving as Baekhyun hopped into the back of his friends’ car. “Um, be safe?”

At this, Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, his friends looking equally amused at the caution, and snorted, “how old are you, again?”

Yixing blushed, a little embarrassed, but returned Baekhyun’s grin before watching the car skid off, standing on Baekhyun’s lawn with his arm suspended in a wave until he couldn’t even hear the music anymore. It only then hit him, that saying he merely looked up to Baekhyun could no longer account for the wave of heat washing over him, uncontrollably.  


⇋

  
When Yixing started high school, Baekhyun was already on his final year. During school hours, Yixing would be lucky to just catch Baekhyun in the halls between classes, during which the latter would always grin and give him a wave. Nothing was really different, from when they had been younger and in separate schools.

But the year that Yixing got to spend at the same school as Baekhyun wasn’t for naught, as Yixing soon discovered an exciting perk of his timing—which was that Baekhyun could drive.

“Yixing!” he heard from behind him one day when he was about to walk home, scaring him a little until he turned to see Baekhyun in the hand-me-down Toyota from his older brother, the windows rolled down. “You going home?”

“Yeah,” Yixing nodded, “Kyungsoo has chorus club.” Baekhyun flashed him a grin, already building Yixing’s hopes and prayers that were thankfully fulfilled with what he said, next.

“Hop in,” Baekhyun called, and Yixing didn’t waste a second. Trying to suppress his grin, Yixing got into the passenger seat, Baekhyun scooting aside old school assignments, art supplies, and shopping receipts to make room.

“You should really clean your car, once in awhile,” Yixing said teasingly, feeling a little daring, today. Baekhyun made a noise of acknowledgement, checking his rear view mirror as he pulled out of the school parking lot.

“A little mess never hurt anyone,” Baekhyun reasoned, “or do you wanna walk home?”

Yixing shut his mouth at that, making Baekhyun laugh heartily. “How was school?”

“School was,” Yixing was interrupted as the car jerked from Baekhyun running over a speed bump without slowing down, “fine. Nothing special happened, but I—Baekhyun!”

The car abruptly screeched to a halt at a red light, with Yixing being jostled forward from the force and a groan cutting off his sentence. Baekhyun may have his license, but he was still not what Yixing would call, a “good” driver.

“Whoops,” Baekhyun said innocently, “that light came outta nowhere! Good thing for seatbelts, huh?”

Yixing gave a hesitant nod, making Baekhyun burst out laughing again. “Sorry. Wanna get some ice cream?”

Ten minutes later, Yixing was sitting inside the ice cream parlor that sat halfway between their high school and the cul-de-sac, watching Baekhyun pay at the counter. Upon finishing middle school, he had always insisted that he’d pay during the few times he goes on outings with Baekhyun like this. But it was always to no avail, because Baekhyun simply overrode him with the _”I’m older”_ card. Yixing felt a bit regretful every time, not only because he didn’t want to use up Baekhyun’s allowance, but also because he just wanted to impress Baekhyun, any way he can.

Oblivious of all of this, Baekhyun came back with two cones in hand, teasingly withholding Yixing’s from reach, only giving in when Yixing feigns a pout. “Chocolate banana for the gentleman.”

“Thank you.” Yixing accepted his ice cream, taking small licks as he watched Baekhyun begin to practically devour his own. “How was _your_ day?”

“Mmf, good,” Baekhyun answered between mouthfuls.

“It’s already February,” Yixing speculated, making Baekhyun look up curiously. “You’re going to graduate, soon.”

“And it can’t come, soon enough,” Baekhyun replied, on beat. “The second I get that diploma, I’m outta here.” Yixing knew that the dire need to get away and breathe is a common thing, especially for someone like Baekhyun, who had parents that seemed quite high strung. Still, he felt a little sullen at the prospect of Baekhyun going somewhere, far.

“You want to leave Sinbuk?”

“Yup.” Baekhyun’s response was so immediate that even Yixing, who already half knew the answer, was a bit taken aback. “I just need a change of scenery, to see something new, for once. I want to be exposed to a lot of different things, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” Yixing relented. Even he felt a bit bored in their town, sometimes. “So...what schools are you waiting to hear from?”

“Hm, well, the big ones are K-ARTS, SIA, Chung-Ang…” Baekhyun took a break from his ice cream to count on his fingers. Yixing knew nothing about the institutions Baekhyun was listing, but they all sounded like they were in the city. “I applied to smaller schools like Sunhwa and all that, since I don’t expect to get into anything prestigious.”

“Don’t say that, you never know,” Yixing argued, but Baekhyun shrugged.

“I’ll be amazed if I get into any of ‘em, at all. My parents didn’t have much faith either, they made me apply to some universities for business or general studies, in case.” Yixing’s eyes widened a little, wondering if he simply wasn’t used to the dynamic of Baekhyun’s family, or if what he just heard really was as sad as it sounded. Baekhyun didn’t make it any clearer, the smile pasted onto his face unwavering.

So naturally, with nothing to go off of, Yixing just said what was on his mind. “Well, you’re being dumb. I know you can do it.”

In that moment, Yixing saw Baekhyun’s smile change a little. Yixing knew that he was speaking out of nowhere, he didn’t know anything about art school, or what Baekhyun’s chances were in relation to others, he’d hardly ever _seen_ Baekhyun’s art; Baekhyun must have understood this, too. But still, with the words of encouragement, there seemed to be a small flicker of hope in Baekhyun’s expression, in his eyes, that there hadn’t been, before.

“Look who’s so mature.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, goodnaturedly, returning to his treat. It was a hot day, even inside the shop, so when Baekhyun sloppily bit into his cone he unleashed a stream of melting ice cream onto his hand and onto the table. Without wasting a second he screeched, “Yixing, help me!”

Yixing held in a giggle as he slid a napkin across the table, admitting to himself that, objectively, Baekhyun wasn’t the most graceful 100% of the time.

The two continued to sit and finish their ice cream, chatting about little things that came to mind about school, life, anything. It was when Baekhyun was in the middle of a heated explanation of why bubblegum is the superior ice cream flavor, that he suddenly stopped, staring outside the parlor’s glass windows.

“Baekhyun?” Yixing piped up when Baekhyun never finished his sentence, making Baekhyun turn back with a sheepish looking smile.

“Sorry. Anyway, do you want to head home, now?” Baekhyun asked, and Yixing, other than thinking that this was a bit abrupt, didn’t really have a reason to protest. The two shuffled out of their booth to leave, wiping their sticky hands on the seats of their jeans, and Baekhyun almost seemed to be in a hurry, making Yixing wonder if he had something to do.

It was only when they came out of the parlor and were heading over to Baekhyun’s car that Yixing saw what may have been the reason for Baekhyun’s haste. A group of guys, some with the emblem of their high school stitched onto their varsity jackets, were piling out of a van and heading towards the movie theatre across the strip mall. Baekhyun spared a brief glance in their direction, before continuing to hightail it over to his parking spot.

With that, Yixing’s mind began to piece together the story that he didn’t have, and the good mood he was in after spending the afternoon with Baekhyun was suddenly muddled with self-conscious thoughts. He wondered if Baekhyun was embarrassed of him, for some reason, since he obviously didn’t want to be seen by his classmates. It was the only explanation that Yixing’s insecure teenage mind allowed him to come up with, and it’s what he assumed to be the truth for the rest of the ride back to the cul-de-sac. Unaware of how hot it felt, how his heart had been thumping in his chest as he mulled over the possibility, he only realized it when Baekhyun’s car bounded to a hard stop and Yixing was jolted back to reality.

“You like this old car, that much? I’ll sell it to you,” Baekhyun said teasingly when Yixing sat still in his seat instead of getting out. Yixing gave a half smile, grabbing his backpack and scrambling to get out of the car as to not waste any more of Baekhyun’s time.

He did think of asking Baekhyun what that was about. But instead he found himself saying nothing, other than a brisk goodbye, before he was scuttling across his driveway.

Right when he was about to get through his front door and shut himself inside his house, Baekhyun suddenly honked the horn of his car, effectively making Yixing jump, startled. Yixing turned to see Baekhyun laughing boisterously, one hand on the steering wheel, before cupping a hand by his mouth and calling out, “play with me more often, okay, Yixing?”

And the words instantly brought Yixing’s spirits right back up. He felt his cheeks go dangerously hot and his hands tighten bashfully around the straps of his backpack, before he gave a nod so big and enthusiastic that he almost felt a bit of headrush. Baekhyun flashed a grin, before he stepped on the gas and took off—unnecessarily fast, Yixing would say, considering how he lived just down the street.

The sweet taste of the ice cream still lingering in his mouth and the heat of the sun making his T-shirt begin to stick to him, Yixing quickly let himself inside, feeling like his cheeks would begin to hurt from how hard he was smiling.  


⇋  


Like many other teenage boys his age, Yixing had a pretty strict curfew. His parents expected him to be home by 11 at the latest, and even that was pushing it. So naturally as it neared midnight on a Thursday, Yixing was lying on his stomach on his bed, studying for a biology exam he had been stressing over all week, when he heard a strange pang resound inside the room.

Sitting up and gazing around, a bit disoriented, he finally identified the source of the noise and looked towards his second story bedroom window, the shutters already open to reveal nothing he could discern other than the pitch-black night sky. Thinking it was just a stray branch from the trees around his house, perhaps a bird or a bug, he was about to return to his book when something suddenly flew against the glass, giving him a small heart attack.

Brows furrowed, he got out of bed and walked up to the frame, peering around until something on the ground level caught his attention. His eyes widened upon realizing it was Baekhyun, staring up at him with a silly little smile, tossing a tiny pebble up in the air with one hand with his other stuck inside the pocket of his jacket.

Yixing never opened a window faster in his life.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing?” he called out before his voice fell into a whisper, remembering that people were already sleeping at this hour. Baekhyun’s grin only grew wider, and he began casting his arms around wildly.

“Yixing, I did it! I’m going to art school!” Baekhyun was also making sure to watch the volume of his voice, but even then Yixing could feel the pure exhilaration and joy that he was exuding. And when Yixing processed what Baekhyun was saying, his eyes widened immeasurably and he let out a soundless gasp.

“You are?” Yixing was nearly bouncing in excitement, and his smile matched Baekhyun’s, in that moment. “Baekhyun, congratulations!”

“Thank you!” Baekhyun beamed with pride, before waving his arm in a come hither motion. “Come out, let’s celebrate!”

“Wh—right now? It’s almost midnight, my mom would kill me if she found out…”

“Boo,” Baekhyun blows a raspberry, his lips forming a childish pout. “I snuck out of _my_ house, but you don’t see me complainin’.”

“Baekhyun!” Yixing scolded, still in a whisper and therefore not at all threatening, and Baekhyun just stared back up at him, pointedly. “Well… _you_ can come up _here_. My mom wouldn’t mind.”

This seemed to satisfy Baekhyun for now, and he scoffed a little. “Guess I can settle for that.”

Yixing closed his window, before carefully tiptoeing down the stairs in his best effort to stay quiet and not wake his mother. After painstakingly opening the front door and letting Baekhyun slip inside, he led Baekhyun back up to his room where Baekhyun immediately flopped onto his bed.

“Ahh,” Baekhyun sighed as he stretched his arms out, obviously letting himself get comfortable. “Now I don’t have to worry about a thing. At least, I won’t when my parents calm down, about it.”

“What, they don’t want you to go?” Yixing sat at his desk, his eyes falling to the murky image of Baekhyun that the dim lighting from his lamp provided. Baekhyun gave a nod, eyes closed. “Why?”

“Same old, same old, they didn’t want this for my future,” Baekhyun replied, nonchalant. He probably didn’t want to talk about it, after already dealing with it firsthand earlier, tonight. “It doesn’t matter. I worked hard, I even got a scholarship to reduce the costs, and I’m going.”

Baekhyun opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, and Yixing swore that he could see a small glint of anticipation, of hope, of promise in those eyes. “I’m finally getting out of here.”

Yixing didn’t reply to the statement, and instead opted to sit back, not wanting to risk even the tiniest chance of snuffing out the light that was coming from Baekhyun by saying something.

At some point he ended up lying next to Baekhyun on top of the bed, listening intently as Baekhyun read his acceptance letter aloud. Baekhyun’s voice was calm, low, a touch rough which was probably the result of both him being sleepy and trying to keep quiet. Yixing thought Baekhyun gave off a subtle scent of something a bit bitter, a bit burnt, taking Yixing back to when his father used to smoke cigars on the porch until giving into his mother’s incessant nagging to stop. Yixing never really noticed this before, and he wondered if Baekhyun smoked.

“...We look forward to what is yet to come. Sincerely, the dean of undergraduate admissions,” Baekhyun finished proudly, Yixing nodding along with eyes closed, like it was the sweetest music to ever grace his ears. They were laying so close together on Yixing’s small bed that their arms were touching, and Yixing internally debated whether the warmth he felt was something Baekhyun naturally radiated, or if it was just in his head.

“I told you,” Yixing said in a matter-of-fact way, his hands resting on his stomach as he laid, content. Baekhyun looked over at him after folding his letter back up and stowing it away into his pocket, eyebrow cocked up, curiously.

“Hm?”

“I told you that you could do it.”

“Oh. Yeah, you did, didn’t you.” Baekhyun smirks, before jokingly tossing a leg over across Yixing’s, earning a groan from the latter before they both broke into a small giggle. “Guess you’re my good luck charm.”

At that moment, Yixing, even in his own denial, was thankful for the bad lighting, knowing that he may be turning red to the very tips of his ears with everything Baekhyun was doing to him. From the touch, to the affectionate words, to the sound of his low, breathy laughter.

“...Will you visit, often?” Yixing asked in the quietest voice he could muster. It was something he was timid about asking, and he half-hoped that Baekhyun just wouldn’t hear him. But Baekhyun does, of course, and lets out a thoughtful hum, completely unaware of how much courage it took Yixing to finally bring it up.

“What, you’ll miss me?” It wasn’t even an answer to the question, and Yixing heaved the sigh he didn’t even know he was holding.

“I dunno.” He and Baekhyun fell back into collective snickers, Baekhyun jokingly hitting Yixing’s chest with the back of his hand.

“Ask me again when you know.” Yixing deflated a little, deciding that this was just Baekhyun’s payback for his playing hard to get. Tit for tat. Even if he had the pluck to ask again, for real this time, Baekhyun was heaving himself up, sitting upright and getting ready to leave. “Well, I’ll go before I do something stupid and wake your mom up. Thanks for the,” Baekhyun kissed his fingers theatrically, “five star company, as always.”

“Sure,” Yixing replied plainly, wishing he was as good as Baekhyun at thinking up witty ways to respond. “I’ll see you around?”

“I’d hope so, you literally have to pass my house every time you go to school.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, and Yixing held in a giggle as he trailed after him down the stairs.

After saying goodnight to Baekhyun, Yixing climbed into bed to try and consolidate everything that happened tonight into his memory, completely forgetting about his exam, tomorrow.  


↼↼  


“Happy Birthday!”

Yixing is given a small heart attack when he turns around from a tap on his shoulder, being greeted by his friends shouting at him and setting off a few party poppers. His friends burst out laughing at his initial jump, then at his obvious embarrassment for causing a scene at the crowded bar.

“Guys,” Yixing wavers, his hand still over his heart as he gets over the shock. Everyone is already smacking him on the back, telling him to loosen up and ordering drinks, causing him to eventually break out into a small smile. “Thank you.”

“So, the big two-five,” Kyungsoo says as he takes a seat by Yixing’s side, making the latter roll his eyes.

“You guys have somehow deluded yourselves into thinking that’s a special age,” Yixing sighs. He looks around at the small mess of confetti that they had made earlier, all of it having rained down onto the floor. “And who’s going to clean this up?”

“The staff gave us permission, don’t worry,” Kyungsoo dismisses with a wave of his hand. “They call _me_ a stick in the mud, when you’re basically an old man, already. Just let loose for once, would you?”

“I am!” Yixing gestures to his cocktail that he’s taken no more than two sips of, “second one, tonight.”

“Doesn’t count if you gave the rest of your first one to Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo retorts. “But as long as you’re having fun. You’ve been working really long hours at the clinic, we just want you to remember how to breathe.”

“Am I that bad?” Yixing mumbles. Kyungsoo nods, while Junmyeon and Joohyun overhear and collectively chime in, _”you are.”_ Yixing lets out a low laugh. “Alright, alright. I’ll try and de-stress, tonight.”

And he does. He has never been one to go overboard, and still isn’t, but tonight he at least _tastes_ all of the drinks his friends buy for him, gets a little competitive at the billiards table, eats way too much of the cake that Seungwan brought. And even as he sits with his head down on the bar counter, moaning that he is starting to feel gross, he is able to smile and be grateful that, despite the pressure of balancing his attempt to graduate medical school with honors, his social life, and his rotations at the local clinics, he hasn’t completely failed at doing so.

The clock is nearing 1 AM when his eyelids are unbearably heavy, and he’s about to call in when Kyungsoo suddenly elbows him.

“Mm,” Yixing murmurs, not even bothering to lift his head off Junmyeon’s shoulder until Kyungsoo continues to relentlessly jab his side. “What?”

“Yixing,” says Kyungsoo in a near whisper, and Yixing leans in to better hear him in the noisy bar. “Look over there, is that...who I think it is?”

It takes a moment for Yixing look up in the midst of his drowsiness, casting his gaze around in bewilderment. “Who? Where?”

Kyungsoo subtly points towards the corner of the bar, and though it takes Yixing a second, his eyes fall onto a young man standing with a small group of friends, leg bent to casually prop a foot onto the wall he is leaning against. One hand cradles a martini glass with careful fingers, the other hand cards through bleach blonde hair that springs into soft locks over his forehead despite the move he’s just made to sweep it back.

He’s a bit far, but when Yixing squints, he is suddenly convinced when the man breaks out into a bright, yet impish smile. Yixing is immediately woken up, put into an entirely new kind of daze. It has to be him, Yixing thinks at the sight of it. That’s a smile that can’t belong to anyone, else.

“Baekhyun…” Yixing says in awe, Kyungsoo nodding in agreement beside him, both ignoring Junmyeon’s ongoing chatter of _”what’s going on? What’re you two looking at?"_ Yixing looks back at Kyungsoo, pursing his lips a little. “Uh, what should we do? Should we do something?”

“It really is him, huh,” Kyungsoo mutters back, at as much of a loss as Yixing. “Wow, it’s been so long.”

They stand there for a bit, contemplating what to do, and it becomes quite clear that both Yixing’s and Kyungsoo’s social tendencies have only worsened since childhood. They wait around for too long, because suddenly, Baekhyun tips his head back, downs the rest of his cocktail, and begins making his way out of the crowded space with his group of friends, heading for the exit.

“I’m gonna say hi,” Yixing finally says in a hurry when he sees that his time is limited, putting aside his drink and straightening his collar, like he’s worried about the impression he is about to make. Without bothering to see if Kyungsoo wants to come along, or to tell their other friends that he’ll be back, he’s shuffling towards the door with quick steps to avoid getting in people’s way. By the time he’s getting there, Baekhyun has already left, and the hot congestion of the bar, the blaring music, and the road-to-being-tipsy state that Yixing is in all begin to accumulate, making him feel like he’s just imagining this.

It’s not that he has been desperate to talk Baekhyun, or that he has particularly thought about him a lot in the past few years. In fact, as of late, it’s more accurate to say the opposite. But to Yixing, it’s too much of a shame to miss an opportunity to at least say hi to someone he very well might not ever see, again. Or, that’s what he tells himself—there’s no real explanation for the way his heart is beating, right now.

When he finally gets through the doors, feeling the cool air of the night hit him the second he steps out, it takes only a second for him to spot that bright head of blonde hair. Yixing just stands there in a daze as Baekhyun appears to be saying bye to his friends, his assertiveness from a moment ago seeming to disappear as he waits for an opportunity to approach. And in his delay, he ends up being caught—he finds himself swallowing audibly when Baekhyun zips up his flight jacket, turns to leave, and stops with his gaze cast in Yixing’s direction.

It is quite clear what Baekhyun is looking at, but for some reason, Yixing still doesn’t say anything. Perhaps it’s a momentary loss for what to say to someone that he hasn’t seen in about six years, perhaps it’s his own curiosity to see if Baekhyun recognizes him the way Yixing recognizes Baekhyun.

But both of these issues are resolved when a small smile slowly sprouts on Baekhyun’s lips, and he begins to walk over, hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“Hey, you’re a familiar face,” Baekhyun says once he’s right in front of Yixing, cocking his head to the side. His voice hasn’t changed since before, it’s still low, lax, almost husky. Yixing continues to stare at him, still wide-eyed as he remembers to smile back, probably looking like a deer in the headlights. Baekhyun is still tilting his head, looking up at Yixing endearingly as he raises a hand around the level of his chin. “Last time I saw you, you were a tad shorter.”

“And you seemed taller,” Yixing says in reply, making Baekhyun chuckle. “I’m surprised you remember me. It’s...been a while.”

“Hm? Why wouldn’t I remember you, Yixing?” Baekhyun asks, the way he says Yixing’s name holding the slightest raise in tone, like a direct confirmation of what Yixing has secretly wanted to hear. “What, you don’t remember _my_ name?”

“Of course I do,” Yixing scoffs, giving Baekhyun a slight nudge on his shoulder, a move that feels so indescribably natural, like they are picking up where they left off all those years ago. “It’s good to see you, Baekhyun.”

“Hey, that’s it,” Baekhyun muses, and it’s all too familiar, all too nostalgic for Yixing, who gives a shy little laugh.

“I had no idea you were back in the country,” Yixing continues after their laughter peters out and they get past a few formalities, “it didn’t seem like anyone else did, either… How come you didn’t let anyone know?”

“Oh, well,” Baekhyun gives a small shrug, seeming to be debating his words. “Yeah...you’re right, I could have given at least one of you guys a call.” Yixing feels a bit bad for unintentionally wedging Baekhyun into a corner, like this. He supposes that it’s somewhat natural not to prioritize getting in touch after so long, with people who were little more than neighbors.

“It’s okay, I understand,” Yixing dismisses, waving a hand. “I meant more of...I wish we could have gotten in touch, sooner.”

“I know...I’ve been kind of on the down low since I got back,” Baekhyun apologizes, seeming genuine. “It’s nothing personal, a lot’s just been going on... I haven’t gotten the chance to truly settle in, myself, let alone reconnect with people.”

“I’m sure, you were living abroad after all, right?” Yixing asks with a smile, when Baekhyun gives a fainter nod.

“Yup, that was my life, for a while,” he says, gliding across the vague words like the fact wasn’t anything special. “But what about you, what are you up to? That’s bound to be loads more interesting.”

“Do you hear yourself, right now?” Yixing asks with an eyebrow raised, relenting when Baekhyun playfully urges him to answer. “I’m studying medicine, I’m in my last year, right now.”

“No kidding?” Baekhyun whistles, “that’s amazing, Yixing. So, you working hard, or hardly working?”

Yixing blinks in response, confused at first, only growing more confused when Baekhyun leans in a little, reaching towards him. He feels his face warm up a little, until he realizes Baekhyun is just picking a stray piece of confetti off of his shoulder with a snicker. Still, in that solitary moment, he finds himself gazing at Baekhyun’s eyes, down to his nose, then to his lips that naturally and oh-so endearingly curl up at the corners, just like they used to. “Looks like you had yourself some hell of a party.”

“Oh,” Yixing falters, feeling a little embarrassed. He debates telling the truth, not wanting to feel like an attention seeker. “My friends and I just had a small celebration, earlier.”

“What were you celebrating?” Baekhyun pries playfully, his voice edging on a whisper. But before Yixing can even think of how to reply, Baekhyun’s mind already seems to be at work. “Perhaps...a birthday?”

The way Baekhyun smirks when Yixing sort of clams up is enough of an indicator that he already knows.

“How do you even remember that?” Yixing sputters with wide eyes, “I mean, after so long…”

“I just had a feeling. And of course I remember you’re an October baby,” Baekhyun says in a matter-of-fact way. He snickers, then feigns a heartbroken expression in response to Yixing’s assumption that he’d forgotten. “Every time fall would roll around, your mom wouldn’t let a single person in the neighborhood forget.”

“Oh, boy.” Yixing heaves a sigh, already knowing full-well what that must have been like but knowing it was literally years too late to be embarrassed about his mother’s tenacity. “Well...if anything, I guess her pestering worked in some way.”

“Sure did. Happy Birthday.” Baekhyun raises a hand to pat the top of Yixing’s head, ruffling his hair ever so slightly. The ministration brings on a wave of nostalgia for Yixing, and although it may not have the same effect as it did when they were teenagers, with Yixing being the slightest bit taller now, it feels just as gratifying. As warm, as affectionate. Yixing finds a small laugh breezing out of his lips, so softly that it surprises even him.

“Thanks,” he says reservedly, before jokingly shaking Baekhyun off. “This was a nice birthday gift.”

“To be graced with my presence?” Baekhyun trills, giving a little bow that has Yixing rolling his eyes. “Well, I feel bad, we were probably in the same bar all night. Although, I know every second with me is precious.” Yixing isn’t even given a chance to reassure Baekhyun that it’s fine, before he’s scoffing at the last bit.

“We can make up for it another time,” Yixing says without thinking, and before he knows it, he feels a blush creeping onto his face. Up until this point, he half suspected that he and Baekhyun would merely finish talking, then proceed to lose contact, once again. But here he is, apparently wanting for that not to be the case. “I mean, uh…”

“Sounds perfect,” Baekhyun suddenly pipes up, effectively cutting through Yixing’s verbal static. He gives a grin that Yixing swears would give the neon lights around them a run for their money, tucking his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans. “I was meaning to ask when I’d see you again, anyway.”

Yixing almost asks, _”really?"_ before he stops himself, instead opting to nod like he didn’t expect anything less.

“Well, then,” Yixing begins without a sense of where he’ll end, but luckily Baekhyun takes over once more, pulling his cell phone out from his back pocket.

“Number,” Baekhyun requests in a singsong voice, and Yixing obliges. When all is said and done, Baekhyun grins, suddenly pulls Yixing in for a brief but tight hug as he says a quick goodbye, and turns to go on his way.

But he stops once more, gazing towards the entrance of the bar, before smirking a little.

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Let’s get in touch, too, yeah?” Baekhyun calls, before he gives a wave and heads down the street with long strides. Yixing turns to see Kyungsoo a few feet away, who’s gaping as he slowly waves back. Laughing at Kyungsoo’s blank expression, Yixing shakes his head, before gesturing for them to head back inside, together.

It doesn’t take long for Yixing to explain to Kyungsoo what Baekhyun’s been up to all this time—because, as he comes to realize, Baekhyun told him pretty much nothing, other than the obvious fact that he was back in the country. It makes for a bit of an anticlimactic conversation as Kyungsoo repeatedly asks questions about Baekhyun, with Yixing unable to answer with anything other than, ”I...don’t actually know.”  


⇀⇀  


The first half of Yixing’s sophomore year involved a lot of sighing.

Sighing as he walked past Baekhyun’s house walking to and from school, sighing if he saw one of Baekhyun’s paintings hung up in the library or the counseling office, sighing whenever his parents asked him if he had heard from Baekhyun, at all.

It was in those moments that it felt like a tiny something was missing, where he’d really begin to miss Baekhyun. But as far as Yixing knew, Baekhyun was having the time of his life, considering he hadn’t visited home once despite only being a two hour drive away. Which Yixing was happy about, of course—but Baekhyun had a cell phone, and Yixing had, well, his parents’ landline. Even if they weren’t that close, a word or two once in a while from Baekhyun on how he was doing wouldn’t hurt.

Yixing wasn’t sure if Baekhyun was underlyingly the reason for this, but he never really developed feelings for anyone in his grade. Even reserved Kyungsoo had been harboring a crush on a girl from his history class since the end of their freshman year, but Yixing was never able to imagine himself dating anyone, for some reason thinking that dating was far too much of an ‘adult’ thing to do.

The idea of dating also had begun to put him slightly on edge, as of recent. He was still a bit adamant about certain grey areas surrounding his preferences, accepting of the concept but naturally being averse due to the negative framing they’ve been presented in throughout his whole life. Still, he was slowly growing to accept the existence of possibilities that he had turned a blind eye to, before. He liked girls, he felt nice when he took a friend to a school dance a year back, he liked the way she touched his hand and how pretty she looked in her dress that matched his tie. But he also liked the way Baekhyun scrunched his nose whenever he got teased, the way he’d take out a pen and scribble doodles on Yixing’s notebook, his hearty laugh and the way his pink lips naturally curled into a smile. Baekhyun aside, even, Yixing would be lying if he said he never spared a second glance at some of the boys he saw around in school.

It was something that was taking up more and more of his thoughts, and even if he didn’t plan on sharing it with anyone, anytime soon, he was steadily beginning to reach a conclusion. Or at least, a branch of a road leading to a conclusion. A big contributor to this was how ridiculously _excited_ he got when Chanyeol relayed his mom’s announcement that, at long last, Baekhyun had bought a train ticket home for the winter.

“Baekhyun’s school sure lets out early,” Kyungsoo commented as he and Yixing begin to walk home, their feet crunching in the shallow sleet covering the front of the school. “It feels like he just left.”

_To you,_ Yixing thought to himself, despite the words of agreement that came out of his mouth. He felt his stomach churn a little in what he could only guess was anticipation, or perhaps even nervousness—Baekhyun was supposed to be coming back from Seoul, today. He inadvertently glanced at his own reflection whenever they passed by any glass storefronts, smoothing back stray strands of hair blown up by the wind and licking his lips that were dry and chapped from the cold weather.

“What do you think he’s been up to?” Yixing asked out of curiosity, shivering a little and huddling closer to Kyungsoo as they walked. Kyungsoo snorted a little.

“If I had to guess, he’s probably been partying nonstop,” Kyungsoo replied, Yixing nodding along slowly. “Baekhyun was always the type that couldn’t sit still. I’m still surprised he’s an artist, that he can spend hours sitting in front of a canvas, everyday.”

“That’s true,” Yixing said, intrigued as he thought of the image of Baekhyun being able to completely let loose without being under the scrutiny of his parents. No rules, no church, no lectures, just like he wanted. It was now no wonder he hadn’t come home sooner, assuming that he was having far too much fun abusing his freedom.

The first thing the two boys saw upon reaching their street was Baekbeom, the older of the Byun siblings, taking a duffle bag out from the trunk of his car that was parked on his parents’ driveway. And hopping out from the passenger seat was, unrecognizable to Kyungsoo and Yixing at first, none other than Baekhyun.

Even after realizing it, both Kyungsoo and Yixing were noticeably floored, only able to stare at the boy from across the street. Not out of sheer joy to see him again, not because they hadn’t anticipated his arrival, but because of Baekhyun’s outer appearance that smacked them across the face.

He looked _different_. His jeans are littered with stylish rips and tears from his thighs to his knees, his hair was painted with red streaks that popped against the natural dark shade of his locks, his overall presence was more demanding, eye-catching, especially considering how much he stuck out in their peaceful residential area.

Yixing and Kyungsoo looked at each other as if to affirm that it was really Baekhyun, and they ended up being caught, first.

“Hey, you two!” Baekhyun cheered from across the street, lowering the trunk as Baekbeom retreated to the house. Immediately Baekhyun grinned, and Yixing felt his heart begin to tick, faster. He and Kyungsoo crossed the street, and Baekhyun met them with a tight hug, one boy in each arm; Yixing laughed a little as he accepted it, while Kyungsoo groaned. “Long time no see!”

“I know,” Yixing agreed when they came apart, internally taking in Baekhyun’s new look in awe now that he was up close. And he found himself thinking that it really suited him, so much he began to grow tongue-tied. “You look, er, different—but good! You look good.” Baekhyun let out a laugh as Yixing mentally wished for a do-over of that moment, Kyungsoo’s look of mild secondhand embarrassment going unnoticed by both.

“Thanks a lot for the hesitation, Yixing,” Baekhyun said with a pout, and Yixing repressed the urge to sigh. “So how’s your guys’ school year, going?”

“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo answered, and soon the three were catching each other up on their lives. It was an understatement to say that Baekhyun had more to share, explaining to Kyungsoo and Yixing what college was like, how well he settled in and what he was able to do now that he lived in the city. Yixing and Kyungsoo listened intently, the latter’s eyes redirected at Baekhyun’s hair when Baekhyun finished one of his stories. “Are your parents gonna react well to that?”

“What, this?” Baekhyun picked at a dyed strand of his hair, before breaking into a bit of a mischievous grin. “Well. What’s done is done.” Not really an answer, but telling enough on its own. Baekhyun was fearless, Yixing thought to himself, not even wanting to imagine what his own mother would do if he came home like that. College really must have given him unimaginable bravado.

Baekhyun glanced back at his house, now seeming to be reminded of the inevitable. “I’d hang around to chat more, but I should say hi to my folks. Are you free, tomorrow night? I can take us out.”

“Yeah, we are,” Yixing immediately answered for both himself and Kyungsoo. With that, the three made plans, and Baekhyun gave a wink and a wave before jogging into his house.

Despite the way he sort of stuck out visually now, Baekhyun hadn’t changed at all. Which brought Yixing relief. The next night, as promised, Baekhyun drove Kyungsoo and Yixing out to catch a movie, and he was just as friendly and upbeat as he always had been. After leaving the theatre, they had gotten late night fast food and resorted to chatting idly in Baekhyun’s car, and it was the first time Yixing had stayed out late with him. Conversation was largely formulaic and calm, but still, it was nice to just be around him after so many months had gone by.

But eventually it was reaching eleven, and Kyungsoo was checking his watch more and more frequently.

“Baekhyun, can you drive me home, now? It’s about time,” Kyungsoo said, and Yixing regretfully had to agree; even though his parents had gotten a touch more lenient as of late, it technically wouldn’t be legal for him and Kyungsoo to be out, soon. Baekhyun pouted, nonetheless stuffing the rest of his fries into his mouth and putting his key into the ignition, starting the car.

“Alright, alright,” Baekhyun obliged through his full mouth, his eyes smiling at Yixing through the rearview mirror. “Let’s get you kids home.”

That sat with Yixing a bit, for the drive back, and he felt a bit conflicted. Maybe no matter how much time passed, he would just be a ‘kid’ to Baekhyun. Even if Yixing were to desire anything to happen, it was understandable that Baekhyun, now a college kid who was probably experiencing a new thing every day, wouldn’t properly acknowledge a mere sophomore in high school. And this was all without taking into account the fact that he didn't know if Baekhyun even liked guys.

Yixing couldn’t lie—it kind of sucked.

But he shrugged the feeling off, and as Baekhyun pulled over at Kyungsoo’s house first, then Yixing’s second, Yixing had already pushed his outlandish hopes to the back of his mind. He stepped out of the van and was about to say goodnight to Baekhyun, when Baekhyun suddenly snapped his fingers and pointed to the passenger seat.

“Hey. Sit with me,” Baekhyun requested, or rather, commanded. Yixing blinked once in reaction, twice in confusion, making Baekhyun crack a small smile. “You can just text your mom that you’re at my place. I mean, technically you’re already home.”

That was true. Yixing got back into the car, climbing into the passenger seat next to Baekhyun this time, and made sure to message his mother—he knew she trusted Baekhyun, that he was the one she adored the most because of how sweet he always was towards Yixing and the other kids.

The two sat there, listening to Baekhyun’s obscure music on low volume, Yixing keeping quietly to himself and enjoying the way Baekhyun softly sang along. He thought Baekhyun’s voice was far better, far sweeter, than the actual singer on the CD. There wasn’t much to say, since all of the catching up had already been done before with Kyungsoo, and Yixing worried that the tranquilness that he was enjoying would only make Baekhyun bored. He didn’t really know why Baekhyun had asked him to stay, at all.

“You know,” Baekhyun finally began as if he could read Yixing’s mind, smiling at Yixing, “I feel relaxed around you. Probably because you’re all calm and quiet and, well, everything I’m not.”

“Oh,” Yixing stammered, his mind running a mile a minute trying to find the best way to respond. He awkwardly landed on, “cool.”

He immediately wished he could turn back time, and say something more introspective. But Baekhyun didn’t seem to pay any mind, only continuing to smile. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, and Yixing could only look at him, eyes glazed over, memorizing the way Baekhyun’s silhouette looked in the dark, the ever so slight way he moved with every breath in, and out.

“So, anything else new with you? Made any new friends, got a special someone?”

Yixing immediately purses his lips, staunchly directing his gaze out the window. “Oh, no way... I don’t.”

“What’re you so guarded, for?” Baekhyun laughed, shaking Yixing by the shoulder. Yixing gave a whine, which only prompted more chortling from Baekhyun. “What! You’re even shier than I thought, huh. But still, I guess you've gotten at least a little bolder over time.”

“I learnt a thing or two from someone,” Yixing said back, watching as Baekhyun’s expression went from surprised, to a bit mischievous. “You still love pushing people’s buttons.”

“It’s one of many joys I get out of life, Yixing,” Baekhyun replied frivolously, and Yixing tossed his head back with a sigh.

“What about you?” Yixing decided to ask, feeling it was only fair. “Have _you_ found anyone special, in college?”

“Hm,” Baekhyun debated, tapping on his chin. Yixing waited tightly in anticipation, unsure of how he’d feel depending on Baekhyun’s reply. Baekhyun poked his lower lip out in thought, really seeming to go through all his options, before shrugging lightly. “I guess there are cute people, but nothing big’s really happened for me in that department, unfortunately. I don’t really see it happening for me, anyway.”

“Oh.” Yixing still wasn’t quite sure how that information makes him feel. Baekhyun was never known to date when he was in high school, and Yixing never knew if he simply wasn’t interested in anyone, or if there was something else going on. From the sounds of it, perhaps it was the former. “That’s unexpected. I mean, everything else about you screams romantic, to me. I can see it happening.”

“You think?” Baekhyun pondered, raising an eyebrow at Yixing, who shrugged in response.

“I mean, what’s not to like about you? You’re nice, and funny, and, you're… Yeah.” Yixing awkwardly left it off there, and Baekhyun was snickering to himself. “I guess what I’m saying is...you’re pretty alright.”

“Gee, I’m swooning, here,” Baekhyun trilled, and Yixing subtly bit his lower lip, unable to stop himself from grinning back. “I guess it’s more of, I don’t really see myself bringing someone home.” Yixing tilted his head, curiously.

“I mean, your parents always let Baekbeom date.”

“Yeah, it’s just… Well. You’ll get it, someday.”

“Huh?”

Yixing wasn’t given an answer, only a big yawn as Baekhyun stretched his arms out behind him. “It’s late, I don’t want your mom to worry. You need someone to walk you to the door?” Yixing rolled his eyes, giving Baekhyun a light push before popping open the car door, attempting not to laugh along.

“You think I’m still some kid,” Yixing concluded with a slight whine in his voice, making a wily expression sprout on Baekhyun’s face. “You don't tell me anything and you treat me like I was born yesterday. I’m older than you were when we first met, you know.”

“Oh, yeah?” Baekhyun was still not taking him seriously, and Yixing hated how he couldn't even be mad about it. Not when faced with the soft gleam in Baekhyun's eyes that Yixing could be on the receiving end of, all night. “Well, growing up’s overrated—why do you think I still bother talking to babies like you and Soo?” Baekhyun cackled at the way Yixing’s face scrunched up at the taunt, before starting the car up. “Just kidding. Don’t be in a rush, Yixing.”

“Fine,” Yixing murmured back, and Baekhyun smirked, satisfied. “Goodnight. Thanks for driving.”

“No problem. See you around.” With that, Baekhyun pulled out of the driveway, waving once more before driving off. Yixing stayed and watched him go, as if he didn’t live only a few houses away, finding any way to extend the night and ignoring the bone-chilling cold.  


⇋

  
Baekhyun being gone, save for his sparse visits, became a regular part of life. Yixing was used to it, and as he grew busier and steadily began to approach the end of high school, he unknowingly thought less and less about Baekhyun, until whenever the time came to see him either during the summer or the winter. Even those trips became rather infrequent, with Baekhyun apparently taking up internships, part-time jobs, or extra classes in the city.

But even when Yixing thought that he was slowly outgrowing his infatuation with Baekhyun, all of that big talk went away the second he’d spot Baekhyun across the street, the second Baekhyun would notice him and flash him that dazzling, toothy smile. Perhaps absence really did make the heart grow fonder, perhaps it would just be impossible for a while to get over a first love.

On a warm Tuesday evening, the summer of Yixing’s junior year, he was busy typing up a paper in his room when he heard a small noise, effectively waking him up from a bout of drowsiness. Blinking a few times and snapping out of his small daydream, he immediately looked towards his window.

It was all too familiar: a small, distant clack against glass, and it could only come from outside. Feeling his eyebrows raise, Yixing glanced at the calendar—realizing that it was around the time that college kids were coming home—and subsequently nearly fell from his chair in his haste to go look outside.

Opening the window and sticking nearly his whole upper body out to get a good look at the ground below, he couldn’t even suppress the stupidly wide grin that took over his face when he saw Baekhyun, his red-streaked hair from before now replaced with a soft, rosy pink color throughout, his body swallowed by a sweatshirt bearing his school’s name along with a few tiny paint stains that had never washed out. He truly grew into the image of an art student.

“Hey!” Baekhyun shouted, popping his hip out to strike a grand pose, announcing his obvious arrival. “Miss me?”

“Eh.” Yixing laughed, shielding his face when Baekhyun threw another pebble at him. Dropping the ruse, he beamed down at Baekhyun’s adorable pout. “When’d you get back!”

“Last night,” Baekhyun called back, and without wasting time, he tossed his head towards the street. “So, riveting news—I’m bored. But my friend showed me a place uptown that has the best view of the stars. Come with me!”

Yixing took a second to look back at his desk littered with open books and notes, and his laptop that contained the almost blank document that was supposed to be his term paper. He immediately cursed the timing of it all, and his procrastination that had landed him in this dilemma in the first place. Baekhyun saw Yixing's hesitance, and began waving his arms.

“C’mon, you, me, the big open sky!” he shouted playfully, pretty much dancing in place to sell his point. Yixing would laugh at how much of a clown Baekhyun was, if he wasn’t so disappointed.

“I can’t, tonight,” Yixing said glumly, and Baekhyun put his hands on his hips, wearing an exaggerated pout that exuded raw disappointment. “Junior paper, you know how it is.”

“Your favorite neighbor’s finally back after so long, and you refuse to have a night out with him,” Baekhyun lamented, adding in a few fake sniffles that made Yixing roll his eyes, despite the fact that he truly felt bad. “Guess you’re not the spontaneous type, considering how every time I drop in like this, you won’t even come out of your cave.”

“That’s not true,” Yixing mumbled, even though everything about that sentence really was. “Maybe you just pick the wrong times to be spontaneous and hurl rocks at my window.”

“There’s no bad time! That’s the whole point!” Baekhyun cried indignantly, and Yixing sighed in remorse. He wouldn’t admit this of course, but he wished more than anything that he could take Baekhyun up on his offer. Especially when visits from him were becoming more and more scarce.

“Sorry, Baekhyun. Tomorrow?” Yixing asked hopefully, but to his dismay, Baekhyun shook his head with an apologetic smile.

“I gotta go back to school, I got my job.” He threw his arms up, letting out a dramatic sigh. “Ah, well. Don’t worry, I can call up my friends. Maybe they won’t be such a buzzkill.”

_I was his first choice,_ Yixing immediately thought to himself despite the light insult, feeling his blush spread from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. Even if he was just a way to pass time during Baekhyun’s boredom, he felt indescribably happy, like every time he’d run into Baekhyun when they were younger. If Baekhyun wasn’t so far, he could probably see how Yixing had gone absolutely pink with pleasure.

“You have to go, already? I’m glad you came at all at least, but...” Yixing acquiesced, shoulders sinking a bit. Baekhyun gave a nod, before pointing an accusatory finger up at Yixing.

“You better ace your paper, since you chose it over me,” Baekhyun huffed before goodnaturedly motioning for Yixing to get back to work. “Just kidding, school’s important, I know. Well, in case I don’t see you for a while, good luck on everything you’re doing. Don’t slack on college apps, like somebody you know.” Baekhyun not so subtly pointed both thumbs at himself, and Yixing chuckled.

“Thanks, I won’t. Have a good summer, even if you’re stuck waiting tables.”

“Yeah, sure. Praying for a hot summer romance, to make the job more bearable.” Baekhyun laughed to himself. Yixing smiled, leaning on the windowsill and looking down at him intently. The two talked a minute more, then said their goodbyes and waved at each other, and Yixing watched Baekhyun trot off with that usual lightness in his step.

Looking back, Yixing had a few regrets about this night. Considering it was his last chance to really spend some time with Baekhyun, he wished that he had just sucked it up and spared an hour to see those stars Baekhyun was so excited about. Because little did he know, Baekhyun was about to carve out his own path that went so far, farther than anyone could ever chase him.

In the beginning of Yixing’s final year of high school, he had been walking home one day and noticed Baekhyun’s parents, going back and forth from the garage to their front lawn, seeming to be loading their car with various boxes and trash bags. Curious, he stopped by to see up close that they were organizing many of Baekhyun’s possessions. Old paintings, awards, supplies, clothes, all of it neatly packed away into countless cardboard boxes.

“Hello, Mr. Byun,” Yixing called when he saw Baekhyun’s father coming out of the house once more, with a box full of books, bowing his head a little in greeting.

“Oh, Yixing,” Mr. Byun greeted back with a gentle smile. “How are you, today? I must be getting old, I always get shocked over how big you’ve grown, every time I see you.”

“I’m good, thank you, sir.” Yixing wasn’t exactly close to Baekhyun’s parents, but from the beginning, they were always kind people who doted on Yixing whenever they saw each other. Baekhyun’s father was a pastor at the church across town, he and his wife were always the outreaching, courteous members of the community. When Yixing’s family had first moved in, they were the first to drop by and introduce themselves with a housewarming gift—and with Baekhyun, of course.

Yixing looked down at the clothes inside the box Mr. Byun had brought out, on top laid an old, tattered baseball uniform from when Baekhyun had been on the team. It was the first time Yixing had seen that jersey in so long, and the nostalgia was staggering. “Are you clearing out Baekhyun’s old stuff?”

“Yes, we were doing some spring cleaning and decided it’s about time,” Mr. Byun said, his smile still slight. He looked a bit tired, Yixing figured that he had been doing this for a while. “There’s just too many things he’s not using, we figured we’d either trash them or donate them.”

“Do you need help? It must be hard work,” Yixing offered, but Mr. Byun shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it, son. You’re finishing high school, correct? Know what your plans are, for college?”

Yixing went on to list the schools he applied to, and talk about his plans to study and practice medicine, in the future. Mr. Byun listened intently, looking genuinely impressed.

“I applied for schools both in and out of town, my mother doesn’t really want me going too far, though,” Yixing finished with a sheepish laugh, and Mr. Byun laughed along.

“Ah, what a good son, you are. Your mom and dad always talk about you with such pride.” Yixing grew a little embarrassed at this, trying to deny it and say that he’s nothing special, but Mr. Byun patted him on the shoulder. “No need to be modest. If you’re curious about SNU, you should ask Baekbeom. He has the wedding coming up, but he’ll gladly sit down if you gave him a call.”

“Oh, maybe I will. I’d like to congratulate him, too.” Yixing smiled, to himself. “Baekbeom’s already getting married, I can’t imagine that happening with Baekhyun.” Mr. Byun sighed, a bit sullenly.

“You’re not the only one. I’m concerned about that boy.” Yixing assumed the statement was of a joking nature, and laughed.

“I don’t think you have to be, sir. He seems to be doing well.” Yixing’s smile loosened when Mr. Byun kissed his teeth, an ambiguous look on the man’s face as he closed the trunk of his van.

“A little too well, if you ask me.” He paused for a bit, before letting out another dour little chuckle. “It’s gotten harder to read that boy, over the years, I always wonder what goes on in that mind of his. He stopped going to church years ago, you know, since then all he does is meet up with a strange crowd and stay out till the crack of dawn. We can only guess what goes on when he’s in the city...”

Yixing wasn’t sure what to say, if he even should say anything at all, when Mr. Byun stood up straight and let the words disappear behind a bright laugh. “Well, what can we do besides hope he straightens up like you, someday. I need to go help clear up inside, why don’t you go through Baekhyun’s books and see if there’s anything you’d like to take? They all need to go, anyway.”

“Sure, I’ll take a look. Thank you, sir,” Yixing replied obediently, watching Baekhyun’s father retreat into the house before crouching down, peering into the box on the garage floor.

Baekhyun’s parents were really worried about him, was Yixing’s initial thought. He thought it was fitting, with how high strung they were about certain things, and how much Baekhyun seemed to disregard their wishes, at times. But from the things Baekhyun had told him in the past, Yixing felt that perhaps they weren’t always the most supportive, either.

He shrugged it off, knowing that it wasn’t his place to mull over another family’s issues, especially a minor one like this. Digging through the box, he found art history books and other texts that were probably from when Baekhyun was in high school, or his earlier years in college. Nothing really of use to Yixing. But pushed near the bottom of the box, was a tiny paperback of a children’s book, with Baekhyun’s name messily scribbled on the inside cover in what looked like the scrawl of a child.

He flipped through it for no particular reason, smiling a little at the illustrations, thinking it reminded him of the pictures Baekhyun used to scrawl on Yixing’s homework the times they’d see each other during or after school. He could see Baekhyun graduating college, and doing something like this in the future.

“Ah, Yixing,” a voice suddenly said, making him look up. This time it was Baekhyun’s mother, who was holding a duster in one hand and a plastic bag weighed heavily with peaches, probably from her garden, in the other. She smiled sweetly at Yixing, who reciprocated, and ushered for him to take the fruit. “My husband told me you stopped by, take these and share them with your family.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to, Mrs. Byun,” Yixing said modestly, but she wouldn’t have it, goodnaturedly scolding him that he should learn to obediently accept gifts from adults. Yixing gave a laugh, dropping the book he had been holding back into its box in order to take the bag from her. Mrs. Byun glanced down at what he had been looking at, before giving a sigh strikingly similar to that of her husband’s, earlier.

“That’s the one book Baekhyun ever read, since he was nine,” she said, shaking her head. “Even now, I only ever see him read that kid’s book. That child of mine...he needs to learn to grow up, soon.”

“Don’t worry, ma’am, he acts plenty grown up around me,” Yixing said in Baekhyun’s defense, even if the accuracy of the statement was a bit dodgy. He thought Baekhyun sure did seem more experienced and mature than him, but to say he was like a _grown-up_ was a stretch. But Yixing’s attempt to reassure the woman seemed futile, as she only shook her head again.

“You’re far too kind to him,” she lamented, before heading back inside. She called behind her, “take anything if it’s of use to you, dear. And come by if you ever need anything!”

“Of course, thank you.” Yixing bowed his head again even though she wasn’t looking at him, before glancing back down at the thin paperback that was apparently one of the only things Baekhyun ever read for pleasure.

For no reason he could discern, other than the fact that he felt it’d be a waste to leave empty handed—or maybe even because it might be something funny to talk about, the next time he saw Baekhyun—Yixing considered taking it. But knowing that he had no use for it, he reluctantly set it back inside the cardboard box, and headed home.

The spontaneous cleaning out of Baekhyun’s possessions, at the time, really didn’t give Yixing a hint. It immediately escaped his mind the second those cardboard boxes were out of sight, the thought of it only resurfacing on a cold January day, months after the fact.

Baekhyun hadn’t come home for the winter, even for the holidays, which Yixing found strange. Ever since the summer, he had been adding to a mental list of conversations he could have with Baekhyun, from the process of applying to schools to the movies he had seen to the art museum he had visited, in the off chance he could impress Baekhyun with any shallow artistic knowledge he could have gained. But Baekhyun never showed, and nobody, not Yixing’s mother nor Kyungsoo nor any other of their neighbors, had gotten any reason from his parents as to why.

But it all came to an abrupt conclusion that morning, when Yixing walked out to get the mail, finally noticing someone down the street after sleepily rubbing his eyes.

It was Baekhyun, loading luggage into a car Yixing didn’t recognize, all on his own. Yixing felt himself instantly wake up, and his heart lift, as he sauntered down the road quietly, to try and catch Baekhyun by surprise.

“...Boo!” Yixing giggled as he suddenly gave Baekhyun a light push from behind, earning a swear of _”Jesus Christ!”_ from his target. Baekhyun whirled around, wide-eyed, before letting out a loud groan upon realizing he’d been had.

“Yixing, I swear to god,” Baekhyun breathed, hand over his heart, just to be dramatic. “I could’ve died.”

“Oh, come on,” Yixing laughed, before suddenly realizing that he still had bedhead. Subtly trying to fix his hair, he looked at all of the luggage stuffed inside Baekhyun’s trunk and cocked his head to the side, perplexed. “What are you packing, for? Shouldn’t it be the opposite, aren’t you visiting?”

Baekhyun’s smile went a bit slack at the questioning, and Yixing only grew more and more bewildered. Finally, Baekhyun shook his head, his eyes almost looking… Sorry, for something.

“No, I’m not. This is gonna sound out of nowhere, but I actually managed to graduate a little early,” Baekhyun explained, and Yixing’s eyebrows raised. His first instinct normally would be to congratulate Baekhyun, but in this case, he was even more confused—he hadn’t heard anything about this, despite his mom talking to Baekhyun’s parents quite frequently. Wouldn’t this be something they would think to bring up?

Still, Yixing disregarded the awe of it all, opting to celebrate, instead. “Oh, seriously? Wow, congratulations, Baekhyun. I had no idea.”

“Yeah, it just sorta happened,” Baekhyun said, as if this was something completely mundane. “But anyway…” A pause. “I’m formally moving out, now.”

That’s when Yixing’s smile dropped a bit, and Baekhyun didn’t miss that—it would be hard to, at any rate. He chuckled, leaning against the side of his car and shaking his head. “Sorry. I’m dropping bomb after bomb onto you, huh.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s just… What’s with your hurry? You literally just finished up school.” It’s all Yixing can think to ask, understandably so; he can’t believe that after not seeing Baekhyun for how many months, he’s suddenly up and leaving the cul-de-sac that he’s been a part of ever since Yixing got here. He knew change was inevitable, but this was far too much, at one time. Baekhyun was still smiling that faint smile, so faint that it was barely even present, like it was merely a formality.

Yixing was left suspended as Baekhyun broke the eye contact for a bit, slinging off his backpack and tossing it into the passenger seat. He kept his gaze averted, and Yixing was suddenly feeling wrenched inside-out from the questions and the reality of it all setting in. Nothing could quell him, even when Baekhyun finally began to answer.

He said, “it’s not that. I just thought I might as well, you know. Get started on my new life, sooner than later.”

“Oh...okay.” Yixing looked down a little, and Baekhyun finally gazed back at him, his smile beginning to look more genuine.

“This is familiar, that kid who just moved in up the street looks like he’s about to cry,” Baekhyun ragged, and Yixing tacked on a sardonic smile.

“Yeah, and my neighbor still thinks he's cool,” Yixing jeered back, when all of a sudden, Baekhyun tugged him in by the sleeve for a short hug, giving off his signature, full laughter. But he pulled away all too soon, before Yixing could really reciprocate, leaving Yixing surprised, wide-eyed, and not nearly as bothered by the cold, anymore. Baekhyun mussed Yixing’s hair teasingly, laughing at how it resembles more of a bird’s nest rather than a hairstyle, before exaggerating a shiver when a gentle breeze blows past them.

“You should head inside now, you’ll catch a cold. Don’t worry. I can always visit.”

“Your parents aren’t going to help you move in, or see you off?” Yixing asked, a worry line forming on his forehead. “You’re not gonna say bye to anyone else?”

Baekhyun sighed, before comedically shrugging and jokingly adding an offhanded remark of, “who’d miss me, anyway?”

And before Yixing could protest, or even scoff at the question, Baekhyun was shouting his goodbyes and wishing Yixing good luck in college, then hopping into the car. Yixing huddled to himself in the mist, still processing it all as he sent Baekhyun off with a wave, as always watching until his neighbor, that he felt that he no longer knew anything about, was out from sight.

The feeling was bittersweet beyond belief, for Yixing. He had been infatuated with Baekhyun from childhood, even now the thought of him could make his heart skip a beat or two. And he had been starting to believe that they could, one day, be good friends.

He thought at the very least, he wouldn’t find out about Baekhyun’s departure in the dark, like everyone else in the neighborhood. He was even able to catch Baekhyun before he left, and they would see each other whenever Baekhyun felt like taking the trip to visit from whatever city that he was moving to.

It’s what Yixing thought, at least—when the reality was that, despite the suddenness of everything Baekhyun let onto him that morning, it was not even the whole truth. Yixing only learnt this the next day, when his mother came home with the astonishing news from Baekhyun’s parents that Baekhyun had graduated early, moved out of town, and was about to start a fellowship program.

All things Yixing had secretly known, at least, until she told him _where_ he was going. And if Yixing had known that morning, that Baekhyun was headed towards an airport to take him across the world to Paris, he would have hugged onto Baekhyun, tighter.  


↼↼  


When he finally gets home on the night of his 25th birthday, or rather, the morning after, Yixing is tired beyond belief. Yet as he lies barely awake in bed, he finds the time to continue marveling about how he was miraculously able to run into Baekhyun. Thinking about Baekhyun, the way he looked up close, the sound of his artful laughter tickling Yixing’s senses in every way, slowly makes Yixing's cheeks burn up. Realizing he’s even been holding his breath, he pulls the covers tightly over his head and rolls over to bury his face into his pillow, wondering what on earth is wrong with him.

Later in the morning when the sun is up and shining brightly, _too_ brightly through his window, he barely stirs, groggily thinking for a moment that the reunion was all just a dream. But that suspicion is immediately shattered when he glances at his phone, and finds a message waiting for him:

**[Unknown Number]**  
Hope your day was perfect, birthday boy.  
got a little time you can spare for me, today?  
(i wont take no for an answer)  
xoxo-- B

Yixing replies yes, immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i post this, part 3 is almost done! i know part 1 moves slow, i think(?) it picks up from here on out. but if someone enjoys my self indulgent baekxing ramblings, then thank you<3 happy almost december everyone *˖✧°˖✧


	2. Part 2

As Yixing enters what is apparently Baekhyun’s favorite bar downtown, feeling the heater immediately warming up his freezing hands and his numb cheeks, the anticipation that he’s felt since morning is about to boil over. The whole walk here, he’s been messing with his hair, tugging at the tight collar of the shirt he always wears when he wants to impress someone, checking his watch to make sure time didn’t suddenly decide to pass quickly and make him late. Rinse, repeat.

But even that doesn’t compare to when he scans the bar and finally spots Baekhyun at the counter, sitting with lax posture and laughing at whatever the bartender’s saying to him. His smile lights up the place, in a way that’s so bright, Yixing swears it gives the sun a run for its money.

It makes Yixing think that he definitely can’t be imagining it. From the way his hair shines golden under the lighting, further highlighting that smile that Yixing can still see from far away, to the strange yet overwhelmingly refreshed feeling Yixing gets from looking at him: Baekhyun simply glows. And Yixing would be stupid to just stand around for another second.

An assertiveness to his step, he approaches the bar and gingerly places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, putting on his best smile.

“Hey,” Yixing says, trying to take a seat and reveling in the genuine grin that Baekhyun directs at him. His eyes remain glued on Baekhyun a little too long; he ends up banging his leg against the stool he was trying to pull out in his distraction, kicking it into the bar counter and almost tumbling over with it. Baekhyun goes wide-eyed for a second, before he breaks into bright peals of laughter.

“You okay?” Baekhyun asks, picking up a salt shaker that had toppled over from Yixing’s blunder and setting it upright. Yixing feels himself about to go red in the face as he scrambles to sit down properly, before giving into the humor of the situation with a sheepish chuckle that’s far overridden by Baekhyun’s rich laugh. “Don’t worry, I’m the only one who saw.”

_The one person who I wish didn’t,_ Yixing thinks to himself in half amusement, half defeat. “Hopefully the bartender won’t cut me off before I even start.”

“I wouldn’t blame him, it was quite an entrance,” Baekhyun muses, before he turns in his chair towards his company. “As I was about to say… Hi, Yixing.” His grin reappears, and they pick up from there. Once Yixing is settled in, he’s ready to ask Baekhyun all about what he’s been up to over the years. But before he can even start, Baekhyun takes control steering the conversation.

“What do you normally order to drink?” Baekhyun asks. “I did bartending for a while once, and when you do that enough, you start to see a pattern in your customers. Consider this a reinvention of a personality test.” Yixing can’t help but smile a little at the idea.

“Didn’t think I’d get a reading done on me tonight,” he says, and Baekhyun playfully nods. “I don’t drink that much, but,” Yixing begins, thinking about it, “I guess my go-to is the one with whiskey, and the sweet wine—”

“Ooh, Manhattan?”

“Ah, yeah, that one,” Yixing replies, looking at Baekhyun with an eyebrow raised, wondering what his results would be. Baekhyun seems to be studying Yixing's face, rubbing his chin, deep in thought, before breaking into a crafty little smile.

“You didn’t even know the name. Well, you’re an old soul, no doubt about it. You like peace, you don’t talk about your problems unless someone asks you, first. You’d order a whiskey and soda, but that’s not grown-up enough. No, you’re mature and you want other people to know it—but you also need that cherry at the bottom, huh.” Baekhyun leans an elbow against the counter as he finishes his assessment, his smile of anticipation slowly getting wider as Yixing blinks, dumbfoundedly.

“Yup, that’s me,” Yixing finally says, blankly, making Baekhyun clap his hands together in success. “In fact, that’s...scarily accurate.”

“Ha-ha!” Baekhyun cheers, patting himself on the back. “Well, I probably could guess those things, already. You’re not too hard to read.”

“Can’t argue with that,” says Yixing, chuckling a little at how oddly profound Baekhyun’s prediction turned out to be. “So, what about you? Do you fit into any sort of category, or are you much too complex to be put in a box?”

“I’m a different sort of category,” Baekhyun snickers. “I’ll down anything that’ll get me drunk, so long as it’s not cheap. And that just makes me a pain in the ass.” At that, Yixing begins to laugh, with Baekhyun following suit. The topic is a nice segway into Baekhyun ordering their drinks for them, and soon Baekhyun’s little game is forgotten.

“I’m glad you could come,” Baekhyun says, smiling. “I know you probably don’t have the freest week, with med school and all.”

“It does get hectic,” Yixing admits, “but now that I’m almost done applying for residency, it’s...not as terrible.” The lackluster conclusion of the statement makes Baekhyun crack a smile, and he nods understandingly.

“I don’t know how you do it. I’m someone who always has to go by my own schedule.”

“It’s a good thing that your career probably allows that, then,” Yixing says, before he finds himself drawing a blank. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun, I don’t think I know anything about what you’ve been up to, lately. What do you do, now?”

There is a split second where Baekhyun looks up, with unassuming eyes, like he’s just as clueless about the answer as Yixing is. But it melts away, and Yixing assumes that it was a figment of his imagination. “Oh, me? I’ve managed to land a job, I guess.”

“Thanks, a little more specific next time, won’t you,” replies Yixing, and Baekhyun chuckles.

“Sorry, for now I’m on a design team for a big company. I just do little commissions for graphic designs, logos, things like that. It’s nothing glamorous...but I can work from home, and it pays the bills.”

“I’d love to see your work,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun looks up, curiously. “I never really got to see it. Save for some paintings that are probably still hung up at our high school.”

“I’ve forgotten about those.” Baekhyun seems to be contemplating. “Haven’t had anyone ask to see my stuff in a while, either. I’ve kind of taken a break from freelance work, since I got the job.”

“Oh, you have?” Yixing is slightly disappointed, before growing temporarily distracted when their drinks are set in front of them. Baekhyun immediately picks up his glass, holding it out to Yixing in waiting. A light smile forming on his lips, Yixing follow Baekhyun’s example, taking his own glass and clinking it against Baekhyun’s before they both take a sip.

After their cheers, Baekhyun comments, “you dressed nice.” Forgetting for a second what he had worn, Yixing looks down to see his monochromatic ensemble of his black jeans and matching button-up.

“This is the only nice outfit I have,” he replies honestly, making Baekhyun titter. “I wear it to parties, events, interviews…”

“Dates?” Baekhyun asks, and Yixing huffs.

“I’d assume so, but I don’t have them, often.” He takes another sip of his drink, the bittersweet taste lingering on his tongue to match the dim music playing in the bar reverberating in his ears. He doesn’t notice Baekhyun from the side, subtly looking him up and down as he does so.

“With the catch you’ve become? Psh.” Baekhyun blows a raspberry, and Yixing can’t help but smile. “Or are you just not interested?”

“Somewhat,” Yixing shrugs, “I don’t have a lot of free time that I can just dedicate to one person.” He shakes his head. “I mean, if I ever found someone right, then maybe it’d be different...but for now. You know.”

“Yeah. Can’t say I’m really a fan, either.” Baekhyun laughs a little, swirling the amber liquid inside his glass. “So, what’s this, tonight?”

“I guess it has to be…a celebration.” Yixing smiles again, knocks his glass lightly against Baekhyun’s once more, and downs the rest, prompting for Baekhyun to do the same. They both set down their now empty glasses with a small clack against the counter, exhaling in unison.

“So, tell me about what you did while you were away, and what Paris was like,” Yixing proposes. But before Baekhyun can even open his mouth to speak, Yixing suddenly remembers something, his eyes widening immeasurably. “That’s right, you didn’t even tell me you were going to Paris! How could you do that?” He shoots Baekhyun a pointed look, brows furrowed slightly. “You said you were just moving to a different city.”

“I mean, it’s not a lie,” Baekhyun begins with a shit-eating grin, snickering when Yixing’s face melds into a small frown. “Sorry. I’m just not a fan of dramatic goodbyes... And I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“I wouldn’t have cried,” Yixing murmurs as Baekhyun cackles. “Still. We were shocked, you know.”

“Yeah...I figured.” Baekhyun scratches his head, pressing his lips together thoughtfully. “Well, to answer your question...Yeah, I had a really nice time, there.” Baekhyun finally begins to go in depth on himself for a change, and Yixing leans forward with his elbows on the counter, fully engaged. It all sounds like a dream, the escapades Baekhyun’s been on, his marvelings over how Paris truly is the city of love and beauty, the sights, the sounds, the ambiance imprinted on his memory.

Yixing leans a cheek into his palm, thinking to himself that he can listen to Baekhyun talk on and on, all day. He watches intently every time Baekhyun’s eyes flicker downwards, his lashes curling softly against his lower lids, the way his hand smoothes his pale hair back behind his ear. He watches every time he presses his lips together slightly as he thinks of what to say, before letting them spring back into their natural, pouty shape. He is truly a sight, Yixing can’t stop himself from thinking. He is indescribably captivating.

Yet, something about what Baekhyun has been saying, the stories he’s been telling, seems so unquestionably tidy, almost underlyingly detached. Yixing can’t put his finger on it, but behind the rise and fall of Baekhyun’s voice and the laughter that he peppers in between sentences, his words almost sounds rehearsed. Perhaps he’s shared these memories countless times already, perhaps this was a separate life for him, one that Yixing wouldn’t be able to understand unless he was there. This remains buried in the back of Yixing’s mind though, as he wouldn’t dare to let his thoughts wander when he has something so much more demanding, so much more interesting, right in front of him.

“So, what made you decide to come back?” Yixing decides to ask when Baekhyun seems to have reached the end of the line. Baekhyun goes quiet for a second, and lightly drums his slender fingers against the glossy marble surface of the counter as he finds an answer.

He ends up with, “it was just time,” the edges of his mouth hardly curling up. “There’s no need to overstay my welcome.”

There’s a painful element of unknown in the way Baekhyun speaks, but Yixing doesn’t ask, he doesn’t question. They are left to sit in a short but comfortable silence, the aftermath of an onslaught of non-stop catching up over a couple of drinks, and an opportunity for Yixing to ask for the check.

When their bartender places the bill down in front of them, both of them immediately reach for it. But it’s a moment Yixing has secretly been waiting for, and he makes sure to be fast and steal it before Baekhyun can. He’s instantaneously met with a riotous Baekhyun who stands up, playfully smacking and fighting against a laughing Yixing to get the check back.

“Yixing!” Baekhyun whines as Yixing strategically pulls out his card, placing it onto the tray as he guards himself from the flurry of hits from Baekhyun’s fists, “come on, this doesn’t feel right.”

“Things are different now, okay?” Yixing argues goodnaturedly, grinning triumphantly when the bartender plucks the check from his hands and Baekhyun settles back into his seat with a pout. “I can start to make up for years of cheap ice cream and sodas.”

“With...booze? I feel like I’m gonna get in trouble with your mom,” Baekhyun deadpans, and soon the two are reeling in their banter and their laughter.

Eventually it must end, though. After almost everything’s been said, the bill has long been payed, and the clock has gone too far, Baekhyun is gearing up to leave, signaling to Yixing that it’s time to do the same.

“I should probably bounce. Jongdae—my roommate, he’s a certified mom friend. He’ll start worrying.” Baekhyun smooths his blonde hair back into place as they step outside into the wind, smiling at Yixing. “This was fun.”

“It was.” Yixing finds himself suspended, like his feet are cemented on the ground, and he finally clears his throat before Baekhyun leaves for real. “We should do it again.”

“Well, since you’re begging,” Baekhyun relents, cracking up when Yixing rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

He immediately leans in to wrap an arm around Yixing, who is taken by surprise by the way he’s suddenly pulled forward into Baekhyun’s hold. His surprise soon melts into a pleasant acceptance of the touch, thinking about how close they are to brushing their cheeks against one another, about Baekhyun’s soft hair tickling his ear ever so slightly or about the faint scent he emanates of something familiar, yet fresh and new, like the ocean air. Once they separate and Yixing is effectively warmed up, he watches as Baekhyun turns to leave and nearly whispers, “Bye, Baekhyun.”

“Bye, Doctor!” Baekhyun calls over his shoulder, the nickname making Yixing huff a little through his nose. He watches Baekhyun disappear down the busy block, his blonde hair flowing upwards in the breeze and his shoulders, as Yixing realizes for the first time, looking so broad, so formidable. His gentle watch becomes a hard stare, as he wonders when that ever could have happened.

  
⇋

  
“So, you keep up with the others?”

The question makes Yixing look up, and after he takes a second to understand Baekhyun’s question, what _”the others”_ entails, and he nods.

The two had casually met up after Yixing’s rotation for a late night meal, by Baekhyun’s spontaneous suggestion. The café buzzes quietly, the drone of in and outcoming customers mixed with the symphony of mugs and silverware clicking and clacking everywhere, creating the perfect white noise for Yixing to gather his thoughts.

“Yeah, somewhat. You already saw that I’m still good friends with Kyungsoo. We meet up with Chanyeol and Sehun from time to time, since they’re down here, too. And, let’s see…” Yixing recalls, “Sunyoung a teacher, she’s back at home, along with Jongin and the others. Speaking of Jongin...” Baekhyun listens intently, bobbing his head up and down with each name Yixing lists, each story he tells.

“Everyone’s got their own path, huh.” Baekhyun smiles, nodding once more to himself. He seems a little wistful, and Yixing understands that it might be an overwhelming load of information. “The idea that we’re here, sitting at the same table, seems impossible, don’t you think? Yet, it feels like it’s only right.” He directs a misty, introspective gaze at Yixing, who quickly begins to get lost in it. “Call it fate, or whatever you’d like.”

The sentiment makes Yixing smile, and he nods to himself quietly. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to see it, and tips his head back to finish his hot chocolate. Yixing watches him for a second, his adam’s apple bobbing, his delicate fingers perched gingerly around the handle. Before he gets caught, he stares back into his faint reflection on the surface of his coffee, the darkened image only slightly distorted when Baekhyun loudly sets his empty mug down.

“It’s kinda weird to see you drink black coffee,” Baekhyun points out when he watches Yixing take a sip from his own mug. Yixing peers back at Baekhyun from over the rim of his cup, eyebrows raised questioningly. “The last time I saw you, you were just in high school. Hell, _I_ don’t even like coffee, I just drank it out of necessity in college.”

“The past didn’t occur to you when we were drinking cocktails, the other day?” Yixing quips, making Baekhyun laugh.

“Hey, that’s different! You might’ve already been doing that in high school. Teens will be teens,” Baekhyun reasons, and Yixing shakes his head.

“Nah. I was too much of a good boy.” Baekhyun’s smile is addictive, Yixing thinks as he absently runs his index finger against the rim of his mug. “Maybe it's all the late nights of studying talking, but I like coffee.”

“Blegh,” Baekhyun grimaces as he sticks his tongue out a little, and Yixing can’t help but snort.

“How old are you, again?” he asks teasingly, looking down at Baekhyun’s empty mug, only traces of chocolate left on the bottom. “I guess it’s not for those who are young at heart.”

“See that? That’s something someone who drinks Manhattans would say.” They fall into laughter, spending the rest of their time riding the tangents of their conversations that go every which way, sharing their thoughts, their frustrations, their mirth.

The night ends as their waitress announces last call, and they decide it’s about time to turn in. Yixing thought he’d only be out an hour or so, a reasonable amount of time to push back the exam he needs to prepare for; regardless, there’s no doubt in his mind that this was worth it. They make their way out of the café, the October sky settled into its cold blue hues. Upon finding that they live in the same direction, Yixing offers to walk Baekhyun home.

The night feels just right. It’s not too cold, just a gentle breeze to nip at their warm cheeks and to refresh them after several hours straight of sitting in one place. The lights around them are still bright, the city isn’t anywhere close to sleeping, yet. And neither is Yixing, not if Baekhyun was next to him.

“Would you look at that,” Baekhyun says as they walk side by side, the sound of his smooth voice clashing with the jumbled noise of traffic and the nightlife. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket, Yixing raising his eyebrows in surprise at the sight of it. “A youngster like you, walking me home like a gentleman.”

“Hey. That’s not a good habit,” Yixing intervenes, plucking the cigarette out from Baekhyun’s fingertips. When Baekhyun just snorts and grabs another one out of the pack, Yixing confiscates it once more. This sequence repeats again, when Baekhyun finally sighs, giving in.

“Denying me a much needed smoke, too,” Baekhyun grumbles, and Yixing shrugs.

“I’m a medical student, you really want me to just watch while you destroy your body? And in the process, mine as well?”

“You bring up a good point, Xing. Why drag you into my messes,” Baekhyun hums back, tucking his lighter away into the pocket of his jeans. He lets out a big yawn, stretching his arms out wide above him, an action that smoothly transitions to him slinging an arm around Yixing’s shoulders. He jokingly leans over, purposefully shifting his weight in order to slow Yixing down.

“You need to make up your mind,” Yixing muses. “You think coffee’s an adult thing but you enjoy alcohol and smoking, you call me a youngster after calling me an old soul. And now, you say you won’t drag me down when you,” he exaggerates a grunt, “literally are doing just that.”

“I’m just playing with you,” Baekhyun chortles as he stands up straight again, flashing a grin at Yixing. “You’re so loyal, Jongdae probably would’ve just dropped me. Done this too many times in college, already.”

“It seems that we can’t really blame Jongdae,” Yixing jokes, making Baekhyun shriek in indignation. “Will I get to meet him, tonight?”

Baekhyun smiles, but shakes his head gently. “No. Not tonight.”

Yixing checks his watch. “Ah. I guess it’s a little late, so he might be sleeping.”

“Oh, that’s not it,” Baekhyun assures, shaking his head, once more. “Jongdae stays up till the crack of dawn every other night. But tonight he said he’s over at his fiancé’s place.” They reach a crosswalk, and Baekhyun absentmindedly punches the button to cross over and over again, while Yixing takes in this unexpected information.

“Fiancé, wow. What’s she like?” He phrases the question without really thinking, tilting his head curiously when Baekhyun turns to him with a cat-like smile.

“Well, _he_ is a real catch. Smart, successful, not to mention, a real looker. Way too good for Dae.” Yixing slowly nods, glad that he made this mistake with Baekhyun, and not Jongdae, himself. He watches as Baekhyun exhales softly, his breath fogging up into a cloud that immediately dissolves into nothing, a sight that Yixing always loves—especially with Baekhyun.

“I see.” He’s caught up in his thoughts, not able to really come up with anything else to contribute at this point, nothing of value, anyway. He doesn’t realize that he seems suspiciously reticent, until Baekhyun nudges him a little on the arm.

“Does that bother you?” Baekhyun asks casually, and Yixing’s eyes widen immeasurably.

“Oh—oh, god no! No,” Yixing swears up and down, and Baekhyun laughs.

“Okay, okay, just making sure,” Baekhyun reassures, his laughter petering out. He gazes at Yixing as they wait at the crosswalk, red and white lights cruising past them. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s, you know. Not too thrilled about people like us, I mean.”

“...Yeah,” Yixing replies in understanding. He takes note of Baekhyun’s use of the word “us,” the final stamp of confirmation on the curiosities Yixing has had concerning Baekhyun’s preferences since, well, childhood, even. “Well, I’m not like that.”

“Good.” The light turns, and they start making their way across the street, avoiding the cracks in the asphalt. “Anyway, Minseok—Jongdae’s fiancé, he’s great. It’s a shame that a quality man like that’s going to waste the rest of his days away with that buffoon,” Baekhyun snorts. Yixing can’t suppress his small sneer.

“What, are you jealous?” Yixing teases, and Baekhyun blows a raspberry.

“Of Jongdae? Yeah, sure.” At that point, Baekhyun presses against him, his hand slowly snaking around to rest on Yixing’s waist. Yixing can only walk while staying as steady as he can, and when he gathers a bit of courage, he even tilts his head to the side so it bumps lightly against Baekhyun’s. It makes Baekhyun chuckle ever so slightly, and Yixing feels like he’s floating.

They finally reach Baekhyun’s apartment complex, and after a quiet elevator ride up to the third floor, both of them leaning against the walls of the elevator with low, sleepy eyelids, they’re at the front door to Baekhyun’s place.

“Come in for a bit, won’t you?” Baekhyun asks as he gets the door open, and Yixing smiles, nodding.

They step inside, toeing off their shoes in the darkness of the apartment, and Baekhyun doesn’t even bother turning on the lights. Instead, he heads straight over to what Yixing assumes is his bedroom. Yixing follows him, unable to go anywhere else without any light, anyway.

“There’s a small step, be careful,” Baekhyun calls over his shoulder. Once they’re inside his room, Baekhyun immediately shucks off his jacket and flops down onto his bed with a content sigh. “Come here,” he sings, scooting to the far edge of the mattress and patting the space next to him. “For old time’s sake.”

“Oh, yeah,” Yixing says, amused as he pads over to the bed, where Baekhyun is waiting with an arm already laid out for Yixing to rest his head on. “I don’t think we’d both fit on my bed back home, anymore.” Baekhyun chuckles as Yixing lays down beside him, the mattress creaking a little.

“You really did the rest of your growing after high school, huh.”

“You should see Sehun, he’s _huge,_ now.” They talk in short sentences, both of them closing their eyes and enjoying each other’s warmth. Yixing only opens his eyes to look up at Baekhyun, to analyze the silhouette of his face, the soft curves of its profile and get lost thinking of how breathtaking he looked. Those wandering thoughts begin to have a mind of their own, and soon, as they continue to simmer in pleasant silence, Yixing is unknowingly imagining all of the things he might do with those lips if Baekhyun was his.

When Yixing realizes it, he averts his gaze, embarrassed as if Baekhyun would be able to tell what he was thinking. It’s then that Baekhyun begins to gently pat Yixing’s shoulder, before he reaches up and smooths back Yixing’s bangs, caressing his hair affectionately. It’s so mindless, so seamless, it’d be impossible for Yixing not to melt into the gentle touch.

“So. How’s your rotation thingy at the hospital going?” Baekhyun asks, still carding his fingertips through Yixing’s soft locks.

“It’s going good. I mainly shadow at the university hospital,” Yixing answers, making Baekhyun look over at him curiously. Yixing meets his gaze for a second, their eyes now connected, and he waits for Baekhyun to look away. But Baekhyun doesn’t. “I love rotating at the children’s clinic, there. The kids are so sweet, and so strong—it’s what made me want to go into pediatrics.”

Yixing goes on to talk about the different children that he’s met through his many visits to the hospital, the sicknesses they’ve powered through, their ability to smile despite homesickness. He can talk about them all day, and it probably shows; Baekhyun has an endeared smile on his face, nodding and chuckling along to all of Yixing’s stories.

“You do seem like the type to love kids,” Baekhyun observes, making Yixing simper back.

“Yeah. I do.” Before Yixing can say more, his phone suddenly goes off, making him jump a little. Rubbing his eyes, he pulls out his cell phone and squints at the harsh, bright light that glares in the middle of Baekhyun’s unlit room. Seeing the time, as well as the message, makes him sit up in mild surprise. “It’s my roommate, Junmyeon—I didn’t even realize how late it was.”

“You can stay over, if you’d like,” Baekhyun offers, but Yixing politely shakes his head.

“That’s okay. I have to be at the clinic early tomorrow, I should head home.” He heads out of the bedroom and over to the front door, Baekhyun trailing behind him with wide eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You should’ve gone home hours ago!” Baekhyun harangues, “I feel bad keeping you out late, you know.” He furrows his brows, and Yixing doesn’t really know what to say. Other than the plain and simple truth.

“I just wanted to keep spending time with you,” Yixing admits, and it makes Baekhyun’s worried expression dissipate, instantly. Soon he’s laughing, and Yixing feels a little indignant. “Hey, what’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun trills, only laughing more when Yixing starts to look miffed. “You’re cute, Yixing.” He tilts his head to the side. “Do you know that?”

It’s Yixing’s turn for his expression to flip, and after a short second of his brain short-circuiting as it tries to figure out what to say to that, he can only manage a small scoff in response.

He wanted to tell Baekhyun that _he_ was cute, as well. Instead he asks, “are you free at all, next week?”

Baekhyun smiles tenderly, although he shakes his head.

“I’m gonna be out of town, I have a friend up at the coast that I stay with, from time to time. Then I head south to Busan.”

“How many generous friends do you have in this country? Is this place another vacation home?” Yixing asks, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s private information, Yixing,” Baekhyun jokes back. “No, Jongdae is my most permanent home. It’s where I can always return after I’m done moving around. I mean, I pay rent, so it better be.”

“He must miss you if you’re gone, often,” Yixing comments, a half smile forming on his lips, the reason behind it, he doesn’t even know. Perhaps it’s that part of his mind, imagining what it’d be like to live like Baekhyun, drifting place to place, wherever his work or his social life takes him.

“He’ll live. I don’t like staying still, you know.”

“I noticed. But it’s too bad, I mean...” Yixing begins, before realizing in time that he should really control himself, “Kyungsoo’s been wanting to see you again.” Baekhyun gives an intrigued little smile.

“Just Kyungsoo?”

Yixing feels a subtle warmth poking at him from the inside when he registers what Baekhyun is doing, and while he secretly enjoys the teasing, he also sort of hates it. He pauses, absentmindedly pulls at a loose thread within the pocket of his jacket. He hears Baekhyun let out a breath, probably a sign that he’s smiling in amusement, before asking, “are you trying to get me to say something?”

“It sounds like you _want_ to say something.” Baekhyun knows he’s in control, and Yixing can only let out a small sigh.

“Be safe, alright?” He smirks when Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “let me know when you’re back.”

As much as he’d rather not, especially when Baekhyun is looking at him like this, Yixing says goodnight. When he gets home, it takes a while for him to finally fall into slumber, despite his fatigue, despite his weary eyelids. That time is spent thinking about none other than Baekhyun, and what it is about him, that makes Yixing never quite want to say goodbye.

  
⇋

  
He grows to believe that Baekhyun resembles something conceptual, rather than concrete. Once he’s known, it’s as if he tries to be forgotten. He arrives like a storm, but leaves like a whisper.

When Baekhyun does come back to Seoul after his round trip along the coast, he stays for a while, sees Yixing when they can manage, before once again leaving for a destination only he knows. This becomes routine; whenever Yixing finally grows accustomed to Baekhyun’s presence, Baekhyun once again departs in favor of somewhere else, _anywhere_ else, it seems. Yixing tries not to care so much—but it’s never that simple. The second he finally gets a call or message from Baekhyun, whether it’s just a hello or the announcement that he’s back, Yixing involuntarily feels, what he foolishly tells himself is, an “absolutely healthy” amount of joy.

It doesn’t help that whether Baekhyun spends time with him one-on-one or with others, tagging along for lunch with Kyungsoo or even drinks with Sehun and Chanyeol, Yixing’s pull towards him grows uncontrollably. They gradually get to know each other, from their favorite songs to their pet peeves to their schedules—or, in Baekhyun’s case, his lack of a schedule. Soon enough, however, Yixing realizes that those are all just _things,_ they’re details; it’s not the same as knowing what Baekhyun is like, how he thinks, what makes him tick. And Yixing wants to know, he wants to know, badly.

But like a reward for his patience, the things he secretly yearns for, start to come all at once. It’s a late night that Yixing finds nothing better to do than sit and constantly check his email for updates on his residency applications, when he gets a call from Baekhyun. Not even realizing how seeing Baekhyun’s name instantly makes him break into a small smile, his hopes raising to the sky, Yixing answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Xing.” Yixing can hear Baekhyun’s smile from the greeting, alone. “You’re at home, right? Are you free?”

“I wasn’t even aware you were back, here,” responds Yixing, now able to hear Baekhyun’s pout. “What if I’m not?”

“Then you’re the worst, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Well, that’s certainly not ideal.” Yixing chuckles, crossing his legs and closing his laptop, grateful for the distraction on a slow night. “Yeah, I’m home. What’s up?”

“You said you’re at the university apartments, at Park Center, right? Be out in ten minutes!”

Without another word, Baekhyun hangs up and leaves Yixing suspended mid-word. Yixing can only sigh to himself—a sigh of affection disguised as one of exasperation, before getting up from his desk. Obeying Baekhyun’s timing, he waits a bit before pulling off his athletic shorts in favor of a pair of jeans and throwing on a sweatshirt. Once it’s time, he scuffs by the counter to grab his keys, lets Junmyeon know he’ll be back, and heads out.

Right in front of him as soon as he exits the front gate is Baekhyun, leaning against a pickup truck that has been parked against the curb, grinning in a way that tells Yixing he’s up to something. But the details don’t matter—just the sight of him is able to make Yixing beam.

“Hey,” Yixing says warmly, and Baekhyun’s grin gets even more mischievous as he bites down on his lower lip, excitedly. Yixing raises an eyebrow. “Is something happening?” Baekhyun just naughtily motions with his pointer finger for Yixing to come along, making the situation even more suspicious. “Baekhyun! What are we doing?”

“Come on, Yixing!” Baekhyun finally breaks and spreads out his arms, like nothing can stop him from taking in all of the sky tonight. He excitedly announces, “we’re going to see the stars! Isn’t it obvious?”

“...No, it’s not,” Yixing has to disagree. Baekhyun clutches at his heart in mock pain, making Yixing burst into laughter.

“Aren’t you supposed to be super smart?” Baekhyun squints accusingly, shaking his head. “You don’t remember?”

Yixing locks the gate behind him, turning back towards Baekhyun with an expression that finally gives off some eagerness of his own. He quirks up an eyebrow at Baekhyun, almost like a challenge—something he knows Baekhyun enjoys. “Who do you think I am? Of _course_ I remember. Let’s go.”

He wouldn’t miss his chance, this time.

“Where’d you steal the truck, from?” Yixing muses after they’ve started driving, windows down and the radio blasting. Baekhyun’s driving with only one hand on the wheel, using the other to playfully hit Yixing on the shoulder, looking away from the road for a second to spare him a short, incredulous glare.

“Who do you think I am!?” Baekhyun retaliates dramatically, before breaking out into a sly smile. “Jongdae.”

“I thought so. I didn’t think this was your style,” Yixing replies, amused, and Baekhyun nods.

“Yup, Dae has very specific tastes. Minseok hates it,” Baekhyun chuckles. “Whenever I use it, he tells me it won’t be the worst thing if it gets totaled.”

“I mean, it’s not bad…” 

“It is when you have to explain to all your co-workers that your fiancé—who doesn’t know how to park to save his life—owns the huge ass truck with the shitty paint job,” Baekhyun quips. “Or when your friends ask you if the rumors are true, that the truck is...overcompensating, for something.” He and Yixing burst out laughing, their voices lost in the wind blowing through their hair.

They enjoy the drive over to Baekhyun’s mystery location, singing along to terrible pop songs with intentionally bad pitch, cruising along the highway until they begin to reach the outskirts of the city. They reach a winding road that takes them up a hill, finally ending with the pinnacle where Baekhyun pulls over, right at the edge.

“Here we are,” Baekhyun announces with a grin, pulling up the safety break before climbing out of the truck. Yixing follows suit, and once he closes the door he walks up to the railing that lines the crest, feeling his breath get taken away by what he sees. The hill is almost like a cliff, high above where the view of the stars is unclouded and absolutely dazzling. There’s the luminous sky that stretches out above, and the golden lights of the city down below, like the peak has no choice but to plunge itself into neverending light. Yixing never thought a place like this existed, so closeby.

“You gonna keep standing there, or join me?” Yixing is finally snapped out of his stupor, looking back to see Baekhyun sitting at the edge of the truck’s unhinged trunk, swinging his legs. Baekhyun pats the space next to him, and Yixing feels a smile tugging at his lips before he obliges.

He hops on, and he and Baekhyun lie on their backs, side by side. Away from the city and noise, it’s become completely tranquil, like a pocket of space with room only for the two of them. And of course, the stars.

“Pretty grand, huh?” Baekhyun asks, his arms folded to cushion his head.

“Oh, yeah.” Yixing realizes it’s a completely different experience to look up at the sky like this, where the blanket of stars takes up his whole range of view, making it truly seem endless. “It’s...beautiful.”

They fall into a period of placid silence, not needing to say anything further, only wanting to capture the view in their memory.

Yixing finally asks, “so, anything interesting happen while you were venturing off elsewhere?” His voice comes out even softer than usual, thanks to the atmosphere he’s entered. He can see Baekhyun shake his head from his peripherals.

“Nope, just quality me time.”

“I don’t recall you being the type who likes being alone,” Yixing says, turning his head to look at Baekhyun when he laughs a little. Baekhyun’s face serves as the first concrete thing that Yixing sees since he’s been bathed in the formless, starry sky. But he’s no less beautiful, in fact, he’s everything and more.

“It has its merits.” Baekhyun gazes back at Yixing, his eye contact is sultry, yet chilling; it makes Yixing avert his gaze back up to the millions of lights above, unsure of what to think or do. Baekhyun looks back up at the sky as well, the cue for Yixing to glance right back at him, again. This little back and forth really makes him feel like a little kid, but he can't help it.

He sees Baekhyun reach into the pocket of his jacket, beginning to pull out what Yixing realizes is his pack of cigarettes—but then, Baekhyun’s hand pauses, before stowing the box back away. The consideration makes Yixing smile.

“Can I expect to have you here for a bit longer, this time?”

“Who knows,” Baekhyun shrugs, his pink lips still on the edge of a smile, but not quite there, anymore. “It all depends on the little voice.”

“The little voice?” Yixing looks up, questioningly. Baekhyun nods, unfolding one of his arms from beneath him to tap on his temple with his index finger.

“Mhm. That’s what Jongdae started to call it; the voice in the back of my head that starts to bother me when I’ve stayed still too long, that makes me start to itch and get restless.”

“Huh. You wouldn’t happen to know the reason why it always wants you to leave?”

“Nope.” Baekhyun combs back his light hair with his fingertips, and Yixing is able to see what Baekhyun looks like with his bangs brushed off of his forehead, eyes closed and lips slightly apart. “If I had to guess...it just knows I like being busy. If I have the time, then why not just have some fun? Life’s too short, all that crap. Whatever it is, I don’t disobey.”

Baekhyun’s words are more declarative than hypothetical, with no room to take a second to look back. He makes it seem like there’s just one simple decision to make: to be free, or to not. Yixing lets the words sit with him, wondering how nice it must be. To do what you want, when you want. How you want. It almost makes Yixing want to break away for a bit, and experience some of those days of abandon for himself.

“I think I get it.” It’s Yixing’s turn to exhale, “I guess I’m just reluctant to see you go, after you’ve already been gone for how many years.”

“I’ll always come back.” Baekhyun peers back at Yixing, smiling reassuringly. “I won’t disappear to Paris again when you’re not looking, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Yixing almost feels embarrassed. He doesn’t know how he could have become re-attached so quickly, to the point where he unintentionally makes Baekhyun promise he’ll always return. And Baekhyun just goes along with it, humoring him despite how immature he probably sounds.

“Although,” Baekhyun suddenly continues, raising an arm to point at the crisp, full moon, “she’s a beauty I’ve been dying to meet. I can’t promise I won’t drop everything to visit her, one of these days.”

Yixing huffs, “guess I can’t stop you.”

“Maybe you can come with. I’ll ask her.”

At that point, Baekhyun flashes a brilliant grin at Yixing, one that’s as splendid as any sun Yixing’s ever seen. He begins to think that Baekhyun and the moon really are perfect for each other, after all.

“This is pretty overdue, but I always regretted not going to see the stars with you, the first time,” Yixing admits as Baekhyun’s teeth get tucked away behind his still-smiling lips. “Now I know what I missed out on.”

He’s only half talking about the sky.

“If it makes you feel better, the place I was going to take you back home at Sinbuk was nothing compared to this,” Baekhyun replies, making Yixing chuckle. “I always come up here hoping to see a shooting star, but it never comes. Think we’ll see one, tonight?”

“Life’s not a movie, Baekhyun,” Yixing snickers, earning a melodramatic sigh from the other.

“That’s no fun. Didn’t I once tell you that you’re my good luck charm?”

The words bring up the exact memory for Yixing, who’s astonished that he’s not the only one who remembers these things so vividly, so lucidly. And now that they’re on the subject of the past, as Yixing lays with his hands intertwined on his stomach, he contemplates everything he could say, everything he shouldn’t. He looks up at Baekhyun, not even feeling how the floor of the trunk is cold against his cheek, only wanting to take him all in.

“I don’t know if you ever noticed, but,” Yixing finally starts, in a voice that’s barely there. Baekhyun looks at him, once again gifting him with that staggering eye contact, the deepness of his eyes pulling Yixing in with no hope of return. Yixing gives a tiny puff of his breath, knowing what he is about to say is silly. But for some reason, he doesn’t stop. “When we were kids, I had a huge crush on you.”

He feels his mouth scrunch up into a taut smile as he fights the urge to burst out laughing at the pointlessness of this confession. He expects Baekhyun to do the same, or for him to immediately start teasing him about it. But it doesn’t happen. Instead, Baekhyun’s eyes widen the slightest bit in surprise, before they settle back down to match the mellow smile feathered onto his face.

“I never knew,” Baekhyun finally replies, his smile not going anywhere. Yixing doesn’t realize he’s now holding his breath. “So, only when we were kids?”

It’s Yixing’s turn for his eyes to widen, his mouth slightly open as to say something but nothing really coming out. He can only continue to stare into Baekhyun’s eyes, not even wanting to blink as if he could disappear into thin air any second. He remains mute as, slowly but surely, Baekhyun reaches a hand towards Yixing’s face, smoothing his bangs out of his eyes.

“You know,” Baekhyun goes on, “I thought you were adorable. I still do, but...it’s different, now.”

Yixing swallows, his mouth pursing ever so slightly as Baekhyun’s words go straight to his heart that’s thumping in his chest. After only a moment’s pause, when it becomes clear that he won’t be able to even breathe out any sort of response, Baekhyun rolls onto his side, and closes the tiny space between them with his lips.

And Yixing sighs, he melts, he burns. He doesn’t just accept it, he kisses back. He closes his eyes to savor the moment, the kiss barely brushing against his lips as Baekhyun makes sure to be gentle. Baekhyun slides his hand from Yixing’s hair down to his face, cupping it and deepening the kiss ever so slightly.

They come apart as effortlessly as they had come together, and the second Baekhyun’s lips aren’t against his own is the first time tonight that Yixing feels the cold—he quickly decides that he doesn’t like it. He turns over, before going in for another kiss that Baekhyun accepts through a smile.

With no sound other than their lips gently pulling apart and the light exhales that escape them both, Yixing feels like he’s in a vacuum where there’s no air, no time, only this sensation. When they finally separate, for real this time, Baekhyun is still smiling, his touch still scorching Yixing’s cheek, his cupid’s bow. He rolls onto his back again, and Yixing does as well, his brain blowing a fuse as he tries to process _what just happened._

There’s a moment of silence, until Baekhyun looks back up towards the sky, and lets out the most serene, velvety trickle of laughter that’s the sweetest music to Yixing’s ears.

Closing his eyes once more, Baekhyun hums, “guess I don’t need that shooting star.”

Yixing’s beam of pure ecstasy feels like it lasts the rest of his night, from the moment Baekhyun says those words, all the way to when Baekhyun drops him back off at his apartment, coyly wishing him goodnight. He doesn’t even care about how dumb it looks, or how uncontrollable it is. He just falls into bed that night, thinking that the stars in the sky can’t even compare to the galaxy in Baekhyun’s eyes.

  
⇋

  
This time that Baekhyun leaves, it’s actually for the rare work-related reason. Yixing supposes he should be used to it by now, this routine of Baekhyun coming then going. He realizes that he’s unknowingly grown to expect Baekhyun’s absence, rather than his presence—but getting used to it doesn’t make it any more bearable.

Not with the way things reached a climax that night at the hilltop, with how deep Yixing’s gotten into this chase. Not with the way Baekhyun called him a few days after to let Yixing know he had some business with a client out of town, jokingly swearing that this time it wasn’t his choice. Now, during the sparse times between class and work when Yixing can take a second to breathe, he catches himself waiting around for Baekhyun, as if he may just pop up any moment. It’s something he’s been trying not to do, and by the time he realizes it, it’s too late.

He is completely and utterly lost in the dream that is Byun Baekhyun.

Efforts to distract himself become more and more fruitless. As he sits with Kyungsoo, Sehun and Chanyeol at the coffee shop that Sehun works at, supposed to be studying, he instead aimlessly dips his finger into the grains of sugar that have spilled onto the table, his mind trailing off. What brings him back to reality is his phone buzzing on the table, causing him to scramble to check it, grow visibly disappointed that it’s not Baekhyun, and unintentionally sigh, longingly.

“Waiting on something?” Chanyeol asks. Yixing automatically straightens a little, shaking his head with a sheepish smile.

“No, not in particular,” he lies through his teeth. Sehun and Chanyeol seem content with that, but Kyungsoo is, after all, the one who knows Yixing the best; he looks up from his book, brow cocked up suspiciously.

“Uh-huh,” Kyungsoo replies slowly, taking off his glasses and tapping his fingers against the tabletop. Yixing sits there, suddenly with stiff posture, knowing too well that he’s being inspected by Kyungsoo’s meticulous eye.

“So, Sehun,” Yixing begins, wondering if he can just change the subject. “How’s—”

“You’re waiting on Baekhyun, aren’t you,” Kyungsoo finally interjects, and Yixing gulps, now knowing he can’t escape being put on the hot seat. Sehun and Chanyeol now get it, their eyes widening along with their grins.

“Oh, for real?” Sehun crows, and Yixing isn’t even given a chance to defend himself before Kyungsoo has him under cross-examination.

“Whenever he goes on his joyrides you keep asking me when I think he’ll be back; you space out when he’s gone; and now you’re checking your phone like your life depends on it.” Kyungsoo truly will be a great lawyer one day, Yixing thinks to himself, begrudgingly. Kyungsoo just snorts at the bemused look on Yixing’s face, returning to his book like he doesn’t want any further explanation. Yixing begins to think he doesn’t even need any.

“...Yeah, I am,” Yixing finally concedes, and Kyungsoo just nods slowly, knowingly. “I just want to make sure he’s doing alright. As I would with anyone.”

“Yup. Especially someone you used to have a big, fat crush on,” Chanyeol pipes up, yelping as Kyungsoo elbows him, and Yixing’s mouth falls open. Sehun’s just trying not to laugh, swallowing his lips and looking away.

“You all... _knew?"_ Yixing says in disbelief, cheeks burning. He turns to Sehun and Chanyeol, “how did _you two_ know? Did we even _talk,_ back then!?” Sehun and Chanyeol both simultaneously look towards Kyungsoo, revealing who the culprit truly is. Kyungsoo finally breaks, the faintest of smirks forming on his face as he closes his book.

“I didn’t really see it at the time... But, during college, after you told me that you liked guys, I thought about it. You’d light up whenever Baekhyun came home, or even when he was just...around. You weren’t like that with anyone else, so I sorta figured.” Kyungsoo lays this all out, strikingly casual. He simply finishes explaining, takes a long sip of coffee, then shrugs like it’s elementary.

Meanwhile Sehun just chimes in with, “it’s kinda weird to think that _he_ was your sexual awakening. I mean, I was right there, Yixing.”

“I’m...going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Yixing moans as Chanyeol bursts out laughing, “Kyungsoo, you bring this up with these two, but never me?”

“It was just a passing conversation one day that we all forgot about! I figured it was just a meaningless crush from when we were kids, and that we were never gonna see Baekhyun again,” Kyungsoo reasons, looking sincere.

“Looks like you were wrong about both of those things,” Chanyeol states the obvious, and Yixing doesn’t even know what’s happening, anymore—he really isn’t used to being such an easy target for mockery. Not when Chanyeol was around. But knowing he’s already lost, he finally finds it in himself to huff at the situation, earning an apologetic smile from Kyungsoo.

“I’m sorry, Yixing,” Kyungsoo says genuinely, before rubbing his chin. “But in my 15 years of knowing you, I have never seen you act this way for anyone but Baekhyun—twice, now. Not even with Duling.”

“...Yeah,” Yixing relents, “I don’t think I’ve _been_ this way, outside of him. It’s strange, it’s not like I never stopped thinking about him while he was gone, that’s stupid. But now that he’s here again, there’s just something about him that I can’t really put my finger on…”

All three of his friends lean in. Yixing decides it’s no use being reserved, now.

“It’s just...the way he pulls me in, yet keeps me from coming too close. I start to feel exactly how I felt, as a dumb kid who was smitten with a high schooler.” Yixing sighs.

“I mean,” Chanyeol says, raising a brow. “Could it just be nostalgia goggles?”

Yixing thinks about his spontaneous meet-ups with Baekhyun, the stargazing, the kiss. The way it all felt, the way he’s never once been disappointed with anything Baekhyun has done, with everything that Baekhyun is. He looks down at his notebook, where Baekhyun doodled a walking eyeball in the margin of Yixing’s ophthalmology notes, and unknowingly smiles to himself. He hears Sehun’s remark of “dude, he’s gone,” before finally looking back up, still smiling as he gently shakes his head.

With that, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and Sehun seem to understand. They don’t mention it again until they all go their separate ways later that day, Sehun and Chanyeol teasingly wishing Yixing luck winning over a space cadet like Baekhyun, Kyungsoo looking at Yixing a bit pensively, telling him to just do what feels right.

Yixing watches his friends go before, right on cue, he looks at his phone and sees that Baekhyun’s messaged him. That fluttering feeling in his stomach comes back and he smiles. He almost feels lucky; while Baekhyun goes place to place in his pursuit of satisfaction, Yixing can simply wait in place, for his own. Wait, until Baekhyun comes back to him.

  
⇋

“Did you have any drastic changes in your diet, recently?” Yixing asks the man in front of him, clipboard in hand as he jots down notes. The first couple of times that he was evaluated like this, via a standardized patient, he felt like he could buckle under the pressure. But now, communicating with patients—or actors portraying patients—has almost become second nature, to him. Like talking about the weather.

“Any history with prescription drug use?” He listens carefully as his patient, a young man who looks around his age, answers thoroughly, Yixing’s dimple appearing as he works out an answer. “I see. Adderall has side effects. While rare, they do exist; your prescription probably explains the fatigue and agitation you feel.”

He finishes writing down his conclusion, before saying it aloud. “I think a possible solution is to change your medication to a methylphenidate, like Concerta, or Ritalin. The effects tend to be milder than what you’re taking now. The main problem is your caffeine intake—that doesn’t mix well with this kind of medication, it’ll pretty much amplify your side effects. I’d advise you to cut that, slowly, just to avoid withdrawal symptoms.”

He earns the points with flying colors and with that, he’s allowed to go early, making him done with his hours for the week. Checking the time on his watch, he figures he can leave—but not before making one stop.

The children’s wing, in Yixing’s eyes, is in severe need of some color. He can’t imagine being a child, forced into an extended stay in a hospital, being greeted by nothing but grey walls with the occasional splash of a muddled teal. He brought this up with the hospital staff once or twice, but they were all busy people who wanted the change as much as he did. Now just wasn’t the right time. So for now, the most Yixing can do for the kids staying in the ward is visit, bring the occasional book or toy to donate to the small selection in the playroom, and listen to anything they had to say.

“Yixing!” A bunch of the children immediately squeal his name in delight when he enters the wing, some scrambling out of bed to greet him. Their joy is mirrored in his smile; he looks around to see a few new faces, while the absence of some of the old faces reassures him that they’ve been discharged.

“Hey, you guys,” Yixing says to the children that have run up to him, laughing as they immediately tried to pull him every which way. “It’s been a long time. How are you all feeling?” They chirp back responses to him all at once, and Yixing is grateful to see that everyone seems to be in good health.

“I don’t like when you have to go to other hospitals, Yixing,” whines a young boy named Jaemin. With congenital heart problems that have recently begun to act up, Jaemin, no older than five, was admitted the last time Yixing had his rotations, here. And since Yixing comforted him during those first few days of homesickness and fear, Jaemin has been incredibly attached; this happened repeatedly with the children Yixing met, here. “Can’t you be here, always?”

Yerim pipes up in agreement, and Yixing’s smile grows apologetic. “I’m sorry. But I told you all, I’m just a helper, here. I need to study hard, to become a doctor that can help kids like you, for real.”

“Then hurry up, please!” A few of the kids chorus, and Yixing laughs, endeared beyond belief.

“I’ll try.”

He spends a short time talking and playing with the younger children, and it isn’t hard, albeit for somber reasons. Most are too feeble to play too hard or too long, so Yixing mainly sits, reads a couple books out loud, checks up on some of the older kids like Minhyung and Donghyuck to gauge how they’re feeling. Being here always reminds Yixing to never underestimate the joys of having company.

While he’s in the middle of playing checkers with Jaemin (or rather, watching Jaemin continuously stack and knock down towers of checkers) in the play area, he hears a knock on the door. Figuring it’s a nurse who needs to borrow one of the kids or a parent, Yixing looks up, only to be surprised with what he sees: Baekhyun, leaning against the open door, smirking at him.

“Doctor?” Baekhyun calls loftily, and Yixing immediately scrambles to stand up with a harsh squeak from his chair, Jaemin blinking in bafflement.

“Baekhyun?” Yixing gapes, before looking back at the child, flusteredly. “Jaemin, can I have a second?”

“‘Kay, but you’re gonna lose,” Jaemin warns, already grabbing at Yixing’s black checkers and claiming them as his own. Yixing scurries over to the doorway where Baekhyun is waiting for him.

“Baekhyun?” Yixing asks, bewildered. Baekhyun tilts his head, and once Yixing is over the initial surprise, he is able to take in how good Baekhyun looks. His bleached blonde hair has been dyed into a soft, peach color, a thin band around the base of his neck to create that contrasting edge. It’s no wonder Baekhyun always manages to take Yixing’s breath away. “Why are you here?”

“That’s how you’re greeting me, now? Harsh,” Baekhyun teases. “Kyungsoo said you’d be here, today. Thought I’d drop by, as a little surprise.” He tilts his upper body over to glance around the playroom, and upon meeting eyes with a couple of the kids who are sneaking curious glances at him, he chuckles. “Huh, you’re right, these guys are cute.”

“Yup,” Yixing agrees with a smile, before nudging Baekhyun on the arm. “Thanks, but call next time, would you? If I hadn’t been let off early, I wouldn’t have been able to chat.”

“Then it worked out, anyway. I’ve noticed that fate seems to like us.” Baekhyun’s words are followed by a wink, and it’s impossible for Yixing to not be enchanted. “Well, if you’re free, why don’t you come have a little adventure with me?”

“Adventure?” Yixing inquires, rolling his eyes when Baekhyun simply nods without further explanation. “May I ask what kind?”

“The kind where Jongdae’s making way too much food and told me to invite someone,” Baekhyun replies, and while it’s not quite what Yixing expected, he’s more than willing. At long last, he could meet the Jongdae person who frequently came up in Baekhyun’s stories.

“I’d love to. But,” Yixing looks back at the kids, “could I have a minute? I promised the kids I’d play with them, I’ll need to explain and apologize.”

“You’re such a gentleman, as usual,” Baekhyun chortles, looking around again. “They friendly?”

“...They’re children, Baekhyun.”

“Just asking!” Baekhyun laughs, giving Yixing a small push in retaliation, and Yixing is about to fight back when he feels a small tug on the hem of his shirt.

“Yixing, what’s taking so long?” a small voice asks, and Yixing looks down to see Jisung, a boy who had been admitted, last week. Jisung looks up at Baekhyun, looking a little shy. “Who’s that?”

“This is my friend, Baekhyun,” Yixing explains, and Baekhyun immediately crouches down, offering to shake Jisung’s hand. They introduce each other, both with soft voices, and Yixing can’t help but smile. He then remembers something. “Jisung, Baekhyun likes to draw. He’s _really_ good, at it.”

Jisung’s eyes grow wide with wonderment, pointing at himself. “I like to draw, too!”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at first, but he quickly adapts, knowing what to do. He doesn’t look away from the child, and he doesn’t stop smiling, as he asks, “Jisung, do you want to go draw something, together?”

Before Yixing or Baekhyun know it, Jisung is tugging Baekhyun by his index finger towards the table teeming with art supplies in the middle of the room. Baekhyun’s intrigue soon transitions to amusement as Jisung chirps, “come, come!”

In the end, Yixing is somewhat upstaged by Baekhyun. It’s only a matter of time before all the kids are crowded around the art table, oohing at Baekhyun’s drawing skills, playing with his hair because it looks like cotton candy, making noisy requests for what they want him to draw next. And Baekhyun is as good with kids as Yixing remembers; he is all smiles and jokes, yet patient, mediating.

The sight of Baekhyun surrounded by children who clearly already adore him is so familiar, so nostalgic, for Yixing. It reminds him of Baekhyun when he was younger, the bright light in the neighborhood who was constantly surrounded by others. Yixing thought that Baekhyun had gotten so elusive, so mysterious since then, but perhaps he didn’t change so much, after all.

After a stack of drawing paper is all used up and Baekhyun is admittedly starting to get tuckered out, Baekhyun and Yixing say their goodbyes to the kids, before finally leaving the hospital to catch a bus to Baekhyun’s place.

“Can I ask what happened to Jisung?” Baekhyun asks as they head up the stairs to his apartment, the sound of their footsteps echoing below them. “His, you know…”

“Ah. It’s a severe burn,” Yixing explains, sadly thinking about the craggy, harsh pink scarring that tore across the left side of the boy’s face. He was accustomed to looking past any sort of visible injuries or impairments in patients, and forgot that these things might be surprising for someone on the outside. Which makes him grateful that Baekhyun didn’t show any sign of noticing anything out of the ordinary, in front of the kids.

“Awful,” Baekhyun mumbles. “He doesn’t look older than five. All of them, they shouldn’t have to be cooped up in a depressing place, like that.” Yixing manages a nod.

“Yeah. It’s conflicting; I love those children, but at the same time, I wish we didn’t have to meet. That they didn’t have to be there,” Yixing contemplates. Baekhyun looks back at him, a sympathetic smile on his face.

“But you make them happy, at least. You’ll be great, Doctor.” At that point, they fall quiet as they reach Baekhyun’s door. And the first thing that interrupts the silence is the sudden rumble of Yixing’s stomach.

“Hungry?” Baekhyun asks after a bout of laughter as he unlocks the door, and Yixing nods as if Baekhyun doesn’t already know the answer.

“Yeah, I haven’t eaten all day.” Baekhyun lets them inside, shaking his head in disapproval.

“That’s no good; as a med student, shouldn’t you of all people know healthy eating habits?” Baekhyun jeers, and Yixing decides this is revenge for the cigarettes, all those nights ago.

When he steps inside, a wonderful scent immediately greets Yixing and he almost sighs, right there. There’s nobody else in sight, only scattered noise coming from the kitchen. “Is Jongdae’s fiancé coming?”

“Nah, he’s working late tonight,” Baekhyun answers, already heading towards the kitchen, purpose in his step. Yixing follows closely behind, stepping into the entryway and being met with the sight of someone working the stovetop. By default, he assumes that it’s Jongdae.

Baekhyun sneaks up behind Jongdae, suddenly unleashing a fury of tickles upon his sides that has Jongdae letting out a yelp.

“Baekhyun!” he squalls, whipping around and frowning at a cackling Baekhyun, who immediately tucks himself into Jongdae’s arms to avoid punishment. Jongdae has no choice but to sigh, and stroke Baekhyun on the back in greeting, a furrow in his brow that instantly melts away when he notices Yixing. “Oh, you actually brought someone. Is this the famous Yixing?”

“Yup!” Baekhyun pats Jongdae on the chest before untangling himself. As Jongdae comes over to introduce himself to Yixing, Baekhyun takes his place at the stovetop to steal a bite of whatever Jongdae was cooking. With his mouth full, he adds, “Ishing, thas Jong-ay.”

Jongdae heaves a sigh, while Yixing giggles and says, “don’t worry, I understood him. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He already starts to like Jongdae—he has a wide, infectious smile, that dispels any intimidation Yixing might have felt before. Baekhyun has already mentioned how approachable Jongdae is, and Yixing can really see it when he’s right in front of him.

“Same here, Baekhyun’s talked nonstop about you,” Jongdae mentions, patting Yixing’s shoulder before he returns to the stove, shooing Baekhyun away. “He says you two are old neighbors, reunited. Small world, huh. So, question: got any embarrassing stories about him?”

“Ha! I made sure to only show my good side to Yixing,” Baekhyun says proudly, and Yixing has to admit that he’s right; he had looked at Baekhyun through rose colored glasses, back then. It’s hard to recall anything that could count as incriminating, save for a few clumsy mishaps.

“It’s true, he’s a few years older than me so I used to think he was the coolest person around,” Yixing says, only fueling Baekhyun’s ego, further. Until Yixing smirks at Jongdae. “Do _you_ have anything?”

Jongdae snickers back, and before even one word can come out of his mouth, Baekhyun goes wide-eyed and starts screeching at him, _"STOP!!"_

After a few exchanges are passed around amongst the three of them, and Yixing is already feeling more than comfortable, Jongdae claps his hands and announces that dinner’s ready. And just from the sight and the smell of the food, alone, Yixing can tell that Jongdae is a very, _very_ good cook.

“Jongdae, is there a reason you made all this, tonight?” Yixing asks, trying to ignore his growling stomach that gives him the urge to just devour everything in seconds.

Unlike a certain person here, he thinks to himself as he looks across the table at Baekhyun, who is wasting no time in stuffing his face loudly and moaning in happiness. “It’s all great, but it’s a bit of a feast for three people, let alone two. Is there an occasion?”

“There’s a big event at work, tomorrow afternoon,” Jongdae says with a groan, “I honestly regret offering to help with food, but I figured I might as well make everything in advance and feed Baekhyun off of it. That’s just what a good babysitter does—although, he looks like he might clean me out, tonight.”

“Yeah, because the ‘good babysitter’ wouldn’t let me in the kitchen all day, even for a snack,” Baekhyun pauses eating to retort, and Jongdae sneers back.

“Yeah, because you tried helping out and almost burned the _good babysitter's_ eyebrows off.” Yixing chuckles, now wondering if that’s why Baekhyun had the free time to visit him at the clinic; because Jongdae probably threw him out.

“What do you do, for work?” Yixing asks Jongdae next, as his banter with Baekhyun dies down.

“I’m an architect, I work for a firm downtown,” Jongdae replies with a smile, pouring Yixing a glass of water. It’s then that Yixing sees the ring on Jongdae’s finger. “How old are you, again, Yixing? Baek says you’re in your last year of medical school, that’s amazing.”

“I’m 25. And thanks,” Yixing says modestly. “But architecture, wow. I know you went to art school with Baekhyun, I assumed you were a painter, or an art teacher, or something.” Jongdae laughs.

“I get that a lot. But hey, architecture is still art, the art of—”

“Scientific method,” Baekhyun recites in perfect sync with Jongdae, making Yixing nearly laugh as Jongdae squints. “That’s his favorite line.”

The rest of dinner is pretty much an onslaught of bickering and sass between Baekhyun and Jongdae, and Yixing grows to think that they are two peas in a pod. They ride off of each other’s tangents during conversation, feed into each other’s uproarious laughter, rise and fall in their enthusiasm, simultaneously. Baekhyun wasn’t lying, the times he said that they were as close as could be.

“I’ll help you clear this up, Jongdae,” Yixing offers when they’re done, gathering the empty plates into a small stack. Jongdae tries to stop him at first, but after seeing that Yixing is resolved, he gives in with a smile.

“If you insist, that’d be great.” He looks over at Baekhyun, raising an eyebrow as he taps his foot in waiting. “And you?”

“...I’ll do the dishes,” Baekhyun mopes, standing up and pushing in his chair. “I’m gonna step outside for a quick smoke, first.” He pouts when Yixing deadpans. “I’m slowly quitting, don’t worry! This one’s just so I don’t go completely crazy, in the process.”

“It’s true,” Jongdae adds in Baekhyun’s defense, patting Yixing on the back. “Please continue to extinguish that nasty habit of his before it becomes unmanageable, I do not want to live with a chainsmoker.”

“Will do,” Yixing says with a smile, the two of them ignoring Baekhyun’s whine of ”I’m right here!”

In the kitchen, Yixing and Jongdae load the dishes and silverware into the sink, then go on to wipe down the countertops. Yixing occupies himself with cleaning the stove while he tries to think of something to start conversation with, when Jongdae suddenly takes the liberty, himself.

“You’re pretty easy to read, huh.” Yixing looks up, eyebrows raised, unsure of what Jongdae means.

“I’m sorry?”

“The way you look at him,” Jongdae elaborates, looking fairly amused, and Yixing’s heart feels like it stops for a second. “I know that look from a mile away. You’re sweet on him.”

Yixing can’t muster a response other than a hard swallow and the blank look in his too-wide eyes. It makes Jongdae breaks out into bright laughter, making the atmosphere even more confusing for Yixing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, or anything. But I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I, um…” Yixing looks down at the tiled floor for a second, as if there’s an answer waiting for him, there. Jongdae laughs again, coming over to clap Yixing heartily on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’m not his overprotective dad, or anything. I just wanted to know.” Jongdae returns to the charred pan he was scrubbing to save Baekhyun the task later, humming a little. “He’s a character, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, already.”

“...Yeah,” Yixing finally responds. “It’s hard not to. He’s witty, he’s vivid... Free-spirited beyond understanding.”

“Phew, took the words out of my mouth. But I’ll be honest, you’re not gonna have an easy time,” Jongdae says offhandedly. “He makes himself hard to chase.”

“What do you mean?” Yixing asks, chewing the inside of his cheek.

Jongdae finishes up, tossing his dishrag onto the counter and drying his hands on his jeans. “I’ve known him, a long time. He’s become so focused on living in the now, that he doesn’t see a tomorrow. And that’s made him into someone who doesn’t fall, easily.” He looks out the window by the sink, to make sure Baekhyun’s still outside. “I mean, it’s hard to fall if you’re never in one place. You’ll never land. You’ll never find whatever’s at the bottom, or see who’s waiting to catch you.”

Jongdae talks in free forms, yet Yixing finds himself understanding, perfectly, and concludes, “you’re worried about him.”

Jongdae gives a half smile. “Guess I’m easy to read, too. I just…” Jongdae sighs, rapping his fingertips restlessly against the counter. “Has he shown you his work?”

“...Barely,” Yixing says, thinking hard about it. “For an artist, he doesn’t talk much about his art.”

Jongdae’s smile remains crooked as he says, “yeah. His job pays well...but it’s not what he wanted for himself, in college. And I know that there could be so much more for him, but...I worry he’s given up. He isn’t inspired, he goes from place to place, just to get bored, eventually. He was one of the top students at our school, he won awards with his paintings, you know. But now, the only things he creates are things he was told to, by some guy in a suit.”

Jongdae kisses his teeth. “But, anyway...he’s a bit of a drifter, in many aspects of his life. Maybe it’s none of my business, but you seem like a stable, grounded kid—I’m just letting you know that if he ever seems distant, it’s just how he is.”

“It’s okay. What you’re saying makes sense...a lot of sense.” Yixing crosses his arms, leaning back against the cabinet. “We’re not kids anymore, and I can tell that something about him’s different,” he says, before a pause. “I just didn’t know what. But now I have a better idea.”

“I’m not completely discouraging you, though,” Jongdae reassures, goodnaturedly. “I’m his best friend, after all. I’d be lying if I said he doesn’t get a look on his face when he talks about you, too.”

Even if Yixing can think of a way to respond to that, he doesn’t get a chance to say it; at that point Baekhyun loudly opens the patio door, padding over to the kitchen and sulking as he dutifully gets to scrubbing the mountain of dirty dishes waiting for him in the sink. Jongdae and Yixing are able to continue chatting in the living room, now about non-Baekhyun related topics, but in the back of Yixing’s mind the conversation from before still lingers.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae calls as it starts to grow late, and as Yixing begins to excuse himself. He tosses his keys to Baekhyun, “drive Yixing home, would you?” Jongdae dismisses Yixing’s insistence that it’s okay, waving him goodbye with a broad smile. “Thanks for coming by. Tell Baek to bring you, more often!”

Yixing smiles back, nodding eagerly as Baekhyun sings, “to the truck!”

The drive to Yixing’s place is smooth, calm. With a full stomach as well as a full mind, Yixing can only let his thoughts drift off into infinite tangents as his eyes gloss over the dim, orange lights that blur past his window.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Baekhyun asks lightly, making Yixing look up.

“Just about how nice Jongdae is,” Yixing says, “I mean, I knew, because you told me. But I could really see it tonight.”

“Yeah, Dae’s one of my favorite people in the world.” Baekhyun smiles, though his eyes remain fixed on the road. “I give him a hard time, I bother the shit out of him and take pride in ruining his mornings, but it’s out of love.” Yixing tch’s, thinking of how Jongdae said a line nearly identical to that, earlier.

“You two are a good match. You have that rare kind of intimacy.”

“You think so?” Baekhyun laughs a little to himself. “We dated for like, five seconds, so maybe that helped.”

The information knocks Yixing upside the head, and he just turns to Baekhyun, a blank look on his face. “...Really?”

“It was nothing serious, trust me,” Baekhyun muses, shaking his head. “I bet he forgets it even happened.”

“But you don’t?” Yixing asks without thinking. It just sort of comes out, and he suddenly worries that, even if it’s a mindless taunt, it’s one that lies in questionable territory. But luckily Baekhyun doesn’t seem to think anything of it. He just scoffs.

“In a fantasy world where it’s _my_ turn to meet my soulmate and get engaged, I will.” His words play off like a joke, and Yixing believes it.

Baekhyun parks at the guest lot at Yixing’s apartment complex, switching off the engine before sitting back in his seat. The street lights shed just enough orange light into through the car, and Yixing catches a glimpse of Baekhyun studying him from the side. He looks down into his lap, neither of them saying anything for a second, and Yixing not making a move to leave.

“Last time I saw you, we were in here,” Yixing finally says, with a smile. “Jongdae lets you use it often?” Baekhyun chuckles, nodding as he leans an elbow on the window sill.

“Yeah, we actually have joint custody over her,” Baekhyun pats the outside of the truck through his open window, shrugging. “When you live somewhere you can walk almost anywhere you need to go, might as well just share a ride with your roommate. But, although I'm not too picky, this bulky thing wouldn't have been my first choice.”

“This has its charm,” Yixing tries to argue, as Baekhyun snorts. Yixing looks around the interior aimlessly, slowly remembering a time from long ago that he hasn’t thought about, in years. “This might sound really weird, but do you remember this one time we hung out after school…?”

“Which time, if you don’t mind me asking,” Baekhyun scoffs, and Yixing tips his chin up, thinking of how to describe it.

“Um, we were getting ice cream, I think, and in the parking lot we saw some guys at our high school, getting out of a truck like this. It seemed like you were in a rush to leave as soon as you saw them.” Yixing pauses, gauging Baekhyun’s solemn expression, unsure if he remembers or if he’s just trying to. “I guess as a kid, I worried that you were embarrassed of me, or something. Which is fine, but…”

“Hey, that’s not fine,” Baekhyun interrupts, his expression melding into a small frown, almost looking stern. Yixing looks at him in surprise, watching as Baekhyun’s lips press into a thin line on his face, before he heaves a deep sigh. “You thought that, this whole time? I’m sorry, Yixing.”

“It’s...okay.” Yixing can’t think of anything else to say. Baekhyun waves a hand.

“No, no. Well, I think I do remember that. But I wasn’t embarrassed of you—why would I be?” Baekhyun leans his face onto his palm, staring out the window at seemingly nothing. But Yixing can see in the reflection on the glass, how Baekhyun’s eyes seem indescribably vacant.

“I just thought…”

“...Yeah, I guess I can see why,” Baekhyun relents, giving Yixing a smile. “It wasn’t you. One of the guys there, I was fooling around with him at the time. In secret—we were both still...unsure, of everything, then some turn of events happened, and we started confiding in each other. Under his ‘rule’ that it was only physical.”

“Oh.” Yixing gets it, and he wonders if it was a mistake to bring this up. Baekhyun always seemed to happy-go-lucky, so full of zeal growing up, Yixing never would have thought something like this was happening under the surface. “If this is personal…”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “Nah, it’s just high school. And it’s what you probably expect it to be— he was one way when we were alone, another when we weren’t. He’d act like I didn’t even exist, or even torment me in front of his friends ‘as a joke.’”

“He sounds like a dick,” Yixing says, lowly.

“He was,” Baekhyun lilts, surprisingly chipper. “But, it’s also my fault for not doing anything about it. I mean, I didn’t want anyone to know I was gay, either...maybe I was no better.” Baekhyun chuckles, shaking his head again at himself. “But I guess I thought he meant it when he started saying sappy shit to me in private. I started to think that maybe if everyone knew, it wouldn’t be so bad if we were in it, together. I thought he’d help me be more confident in who I was. But that sure backfired, I only became more ashamed.”

Yixing purses his lips. Baekhyun gives a nonchalant shrug. “Anyway...it got to the point where I avoided him out of embarrassment. Which is what you saw. Sad as it is, he’s probably the closest thing to my first love. That makes you stupider than normal.”

“I’ll say.” Yixing feels himself begin to blush scarlet when Baekhyun glances at him curiously, regretting the grave he’s just dug himself. After debating between changing the subject or owning up to it, Yixing finally lets out the exhale he’s been holding in. “But, he was just some jerk… I mean, I guess you were maybe, kinda _my_ first love. And I know you wouldn’t do that to me. I wouldn’t do that to you, either.”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows, although a smile slowly forms on his lips, and Yixing immediately hits his fist into his hand in an attempt to be hardy after that tender little confession. “I would’ve punched him back then, if I knew.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Baekhyun entertains, making Yixing frown, indignant. “I don’t think you could hurt a fly—then, or now.”

“Untrue.”

“Even I could push you around! But I guess you were too nice to say anything back then, seeing how you had a little _crush_ on me,” Baekhyun croons with a shit-eating grin, and Yixing tosses his head back, half laughing, half groaning. “Hm? Want to say something, tough guy?”

“Yeah. Baekhyun, you eat like a dog,” Yixing teases back, and Baekhyun dramatically gasps, before playfully grinding a knuckle into Yixing’s temple. Yixing giggles and tries to shrug away, but Baekhyun pursues him, leaning over in his seat to tickle Yixing’s neck with ice-cold fingers and making Yixing howl with laughter.

“S-stop!” Yixing shrieks, convulsing and flailing uncontrollably to push Baekhyun away, who’s clearly much too amused. He hops on to kneel on his seat, before plunging himself into Yixing’s territory. He backs Yixing into a corner against the window as he lands his assault, attacking Yixing’s sides and neck with a flurry of tickles. Yixing laughs until tears nearly spring to his eyes, and ends up grabbing onto the back of Baekhyun’s jacket and pulling him even closer.

Even when Baekhyun stops his attack, Yixing just continues to laugh, tipping his head forward to bump lightly against Baekhyun’s and throwing his arms around Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun laughs along as well, reaching around to hold onto Yixing by his waist.

They never pull away after that, staying tangled in each other even as their laughter peters out, and they are left in the cold lighting that illuminates barely any more than their silhouettes that intertwine as one. Then Baekhyun tilts his head, connecting his and Yixing’s open mouths in a gentle union.

The two of them kiss for a bit, Baekhyun teasing Yixing’s bottom lip with his tongue before letting it slip into Yixing’s mouth. Yixing accepts it, _savors_ it, his eyelids squeezing shut a little, feeling the pit of his insides simmer and burn as he tastes a drop of Baekhyun on his tongue. Although the kiss is not as chaste as their first, it’s still lax, comforting, and for Yixing, unbelievably romantic. He wants it; he wants Baekhyun, he wants all of him and to never let him go, to just have him like this, forever. It’s not even lust—just the pure yearning to be close to Baekhyun, and cherish him.

But forever will have to wait. Ending it with a cute little smack of their lips as they come apart, Baekhyun caresses Yixing’s cheek, cracking an endeared smile when Yixing’s dimple forms from the shy purse of his lips. As much as Yixing doesn’t want to, he lets go of Baekhyun, sitting up properly as Baekhyun saddles back into his own seat.

“You’re pretty good at that,” Baekhyun says huskily, getting out his keys. Yixing scratches his neck flusteredly, mentally collecting himself before swinging open the door and climbig out. He hangs around outside the window, resting his hands on the sill as he draws out their time together.

“I’ll...see you later?” he asks, and Baekhyun smiles.

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye.” Yixing finally gives the windowsill a light drum of his palms and begins to walk away, before turning back, once more. “Thanks. For seeing me, today.”

“Thanks for coming.” Baekhyun continues to smile, and Yixing nods.

“...Bye?”

“Yixing,” Baekhyun laughs, shaking his head to himself. _"Bye."_ Yixing grins, walking backwards so he can still watch Baekhyun as he goes, having a mini heart attack as he nearly trips on the curb. Baekhyun laughs even more, and Yixing buries his face in his hands, laughing just as hard.

“Bye.”

“Bye!”

After that night, Baekhyun continues to surprise Yixing, in many ways. First and foremost, because he stays. Stays in the city, in Yixing’s life, for what ends up being the longest duration, so far. Throughout the end of winter and the beginning of spring, he’s there, and Yixing wouldn’t have it any other way.

They begin spending more and more time, together. Baekhyun frequently meets up with Yixing after his classes, or after his slots at the clinic, until eventually Yixing’s classmates and the hospital staff start to recognize Baekhyun, even the kids at children’s wing start constantly asking Yixing about the next time Baekhyun can come play.

He joins Yixing and Kyungsoo every once in awhile for nights in, brings Yixing and Junmyeon much needed energy drinks during stressful cramming periods before exams, cheering Yixing on whenever it’s most needed. He and Yixing show each other their favorite restaurants and shops around the city, or opt to stay inside and pass the nights quietly, lying together, sometimes sharing kisses that range from languid to more heated. They playfully discuss doing things when they’re much too content doing nothing, watch more movie trailers than actual movies, talk about needing sleep but staying up until the sun is about to rise. They spend their mornings in bed, with Yixing doing his homework and Baekhyun sketching, once in a while pausing to share what they’re doing with each other.

“What are you drawing?” Yixing often asks when Baekhyun seems to be up to something, keeping his sketchbook close to himself as his pencil makes quick scratches across the paper. Today it’s a chilly morning that they’re on opposite corners of the bed, both at work with pencil and paper, and it’s always so hard for Yixing to focus on work with something much more interesting, right in front of him.

As always, Baekhyun grins, shakes his head, then looks back to whatever he’s sketching.

“Secret,” he replies mischievously, lying against a stack of Yixing’s pillows and pressing his sketchbook flat against his chest whenever Yixing makes a move to look over at it. “Excuse me, can you go back to your anatomy homework, Doctor?”

“What, are you drawing porn?” Yixing guesses, earning a pillow to his face that Baekhyun pelts at him, and they both burst out laughing, together. “Sorry, I meant _erotica."_

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Baekhyun sneers, before pointing his charcoal pencil accusingly at Yixing. “Hurry up and finish, I wanna cuddle.”

“Okay, okay,” Yixing obliges, looking back down at the sentence he’s been reading over and over, again. “I won’t disturb your creative genius.”

Yixing’s favorite place is just next to Baekhyun, his least favorite words quickly become “I should go.” It’s as if Baekhyun has him on an invisible lure, reeling him in little by little, and Yixing can only go along for the ride. Each time they’re together he often wonders if this could be the last time he can see Baekhyun in awhile, which makes him appreciate the moment all the more; and when Baekhyun stays after all, it’s all the more gratifying.

Something that amazes Yixing is how Baekhyun always seems to know when to drop by, as opposed to when they were younger. During a quiet night, hours after his last class of the week, Yixing is feeling just a little lonely. It hasn’t been the best day—he got to campus late after oversleeping, got back an exam he nearly tanked, and various talk among his classmates and professors has only succeeded in making him even more anxious about the upcoming results on his residency. But Junmyeon has gone to stay with Joohyun overnight, Kyungsoo‘s also busy now that he’s finally worked up the nerve to ask Jihyun out. Yixing would consider calling Chanyeol or Sehun, but he knows they both have work, at this hour.

But sure enough, right when he decides he’ll just have a night to himself, Baekhyun shows up at the front door, looking as casually perfect as he always does.

“Hey. I was in the neighborhood and—what’s with you? You look like you had a rough day.” Baekhyun teases, before holding up a large plastic bag. “I got frozen pizza, in case you’re hungry. And if not, well…” He seems to run out of witty words. _"I'm_ hungry.”

Yixing can’t not laugh at that, and opens his door wide. “Me, too. Come in.”

Baekhyun saunters inside, setting his groceries on the counter and looking around. “Junmyeon home?”

“Nah, he’s at his girlfriend’s.”

“Ooh, so we have some privacy,” Baekhyun says all in fun, and Yixing humors him with a little chuckle.

They weren’t really dating, or at least, Yixing is pretty sure that nothing they’ve ever done has counted as a “date.” They see each other whenever Yixing isn’t loaded with work, and by then they’re too occupied enjoying each other’s company that they don’t ever talk about what things mean. Yixing is busy, and Baekhyun is sporadic; it doesn’t make for the best combination, and with Yixing’s utter lack of experience in this field, he’s found himself completely content with merely testing the waters, letting his and Baekhyun’s _whatever-this-is_ unfold, naturally.

And he likes it, he loves it. But he does have to admit, that it’s strange that he doesn’t really know, well... Anything, about what they have, at all. He can’t really tell his friends anything about their relationship, or lack thereof, when he himself can’t describe it. Yet he goes with whatever Baekhyun gives him, not wanting be overly caught up in something that might not even be there, convincing himself that he should just enjoy what he has. It’s not like they’ve reached any sort of point of no return; they’ve necked a bit, implied their mutual adoration of each other, and accrued perhaps a million minutes of cuddling, by now.

It probably wasn’t enough to warrant any sort of special talk.

Yixing’s eyes go clouded as he absently observes Baekhyun roaming around the kitchen, humming a sweet tune as he does so. Distracted in his runaway thoughts, he’s brought back to the moment when Baekhyun snaps his fingers in front of his face, giggling at Yixing’s mystified expression.

”Tired? Well,” Baekhyun announces, struggling to pull the pizza box out of the plastic bag that’s two sizes too small, “after a long, hard day, you can unwind as I prepare you a meal that’s both delicious and nutritious. Except, only one of those things—but it’s the only one that counts.”

“You’re too good to me,” Yixing laughs, going over to lean against the counter and watch Baekhyun load the pizza into the oven. He cracks a smile. “I think you have to take it out of the box first, Baekhyun.”

“I knew that!” Baekhyun says hurriedly, sticking his tongue out when Yixing giggles. Yixing watches Baekhyun attempting to tear the box open, rolling his eyes at how destructive he is before going around to help.

“I thought Jongdae was kidding about being your babysitter,” Yixing jokes, and Baekhyun huffs, crossing his arms.

“I’m trying my best! You two are so mean.” He lets Yixing take over, assuming Yixing’s previous spot behind the counter and watching intently. Yixing closes the oven door once the pizza’s inside, setting the timer and gesturing the finished process to a clapping Baekhyun, who’s patronizingly cheering out praise for the feat. From there they wait for the minutes to pass; they push each other’s buttons a bit, catch each other up on how their days went, play-fight on the couch as Yixing tries to get Baekhyun to stop being lazy and go check the oven.

When Baekhyun finally gets up with a pout and goes, Yixing has a moment to sit back, and consider how close they’ve gotten in the past several months. His wish has been granted, to learn more about Baekhyun as a person. But Yixing’s curiosities still haven’t been sated, in fact, they’ve only grown. Now, a particular question lingers in Yixing’s mind as he watches Baekhyun’s fluffy pink hair bouncing around in the kitchen, and he decides that if he plays his cards right, it can’t hurt to ask.

After Baekhyun hops back onto the couch, the two of them now on opposite ends, Yixing sits up straighter, and begins. “So… I was wondering. You said once, that you and Jongdae dated.” Baekhyun chuckles a little when he sees what Yixing’s getting at, raising an eyebrow.

“What, you’re curious about it?” Yixing figures Baekhyun’s just teasing him—he doesn’t know how anyone wouldn’t be curious about something like this.

“Well, if it’s okay to ask,” he tries to say, but Baekhyun doesn’t seem to like those words.

“You’ve got to stop tiptoeing around me,” Baekhyun insists, and Yixing gives a slight smile. “You’re too considerate when you don’t have to be.”

“...Is there such a thing?” Yixing asks, amused by how differently he and Baekhyun think, sometimes. Baekhyun shifts his gaze around, before playfully kicking his legs up to splay across the couch, resting on Yixing’s lap.

“I mean, no, but...you’d be surprised at how many people don’t return kindness, nowadays.” Baekhyun messes with his hair, ruffling it and swiping it out of his eyes. “Being apart from you made me forget how you can be so overwhelmingly _nice.”_ Yixing blinks, before shrugging his shoulders.

“Well...I’m not the weird one. There’s no excuse to not treat people, right. Especially you.” Yixing catches Baekhyun’s gaze, and because it feels right, he gives him a sweet smile. He’s not sure if it’s his words or his expression, or both, that makes Baekhyun begin to laugh.

“Yeah. You’re right—I love that about you. I hope you never change.” The words make Yixing grow shy, and he averts his gaze by looking towards the bedroom, pretending there’s something demanding his attention there. Baekhyun snickers at him, still probably able to see the spots of color rising on his cheeks, but nonetheless continuing.

“So, Jongdae… We were close as could be, during school. When I came back from Paris I needed a place to stay, so I moved in with him. We had a lot of fun,” Baekhyun laughs softly, crossing his legs as he recalls. His laughter sounds a bit different than usual to Yixing, who can’t tell if he’s only imagining it. If he’s making things up to be more than they are, like he always fears he’s doing. “One thing happened after another, and I guess I just grew to like him.”

“Falling for your best friend. How beautifully cliché,” Yixing quips, and Baekhyun scrunches his nose, leaning over to give him a small shove.

“Hey, it happens! Anyway... We tried it, and it didn’t go anywhere, and we decided we’re much better as friends. Nothing else to it, really. And shortly after, Jongdae met Minseok, so…”

Baekhyun gives another one of those hollow, nearly silent laughs that seems to only serve the purpose of filling empty space. “Guess he really dodged a bullet.”

“Hey, that’s…” Yixing is cut off when the oven dings, and Baekhyun springs out of his seat, instantly.

“Food’s ready!” he cheers, scampering off to the kitchen, effectively leaving both Yixing, and that conversation, behind in the living room. Yixing decides that’s probably best, for tonight.

They eat while watching a movie on Yixing’s laptop, lying on their stomachs on his bed and drinking the sickly sweet lemonade that Baekhyun had bought at the supermarket.

“You don’t like that?” Baekhyun asks amusedly as Yixing makes a small face at his first sip. Neither of them are paying attention to the movie anymore, which happens frequently, now; they’d rather spend their time talking, engaging with each other. “They had hard lemonade, but pink is objectively better—for obvious reasons.”

“What, the color?”

“...Yes.” Yixing can’t stop himself from smiling.

“I’m pretty sure the last time I drank this was with you, when we were younger. Your baseball team always had it after games. Wow, that was so long ago,” Yixing recalls, taking another sip from the can and slowly getting used to it, although he still thinks it tastes like battery acid. “So I guess this is nostalgic.”

“Exactly!” Baekhyun laughs, rolling onto his back and smiling with closed eyes. Yixing can’t help himself from thinking about how cute Baekhyun is when he gets like this, when he’s in an extra bubbly mood. “When I’m with you, I get in a nostalgic mood. I just wanna lay around and watch shows from ten, twenty years ago. Until it’s way past my bedtime.”

“And I thought I was a loser as a kid,” Yixing snickers, earning a light kick from Baekhyun. They get lost in talk of the past for a bit, something that happens between them every now and then. Eventually though, Yixing hesitates, a question that’s been hanging in the back of his mind for a long time, now on the tip of his tongue.

“So...do you plan on ever visiting home, anytime soon? I’m sure you’ve seen your parents in some way or another, but everyone else would love to know you’re here.” Baekhyun blinks slowly, staring at the ceiling fan that’s slowly oscillating, almost hypnotizing.

“Oh. No, guess the thought’s never really crossed my mind.” Baekhyun’s tone is ambiguous, and Yixing feels like this may not be the whole truth. It’s strange to think that someone could somehow neglect to think about that. Nonetheless, he remains quiet, letting Baekhyun finish. “There’s just...nothing really connecting me to that place. I don’t feel the need to go back.”

“I see.” Yixing sees Baekhyun looks back up at him, looking a little apologetic. “That’s okay. I grew up there too, you know, I’m perfectly aware that it gets boring. Either way—you don’t need to explain yourself.”

Baekhyun smiles a little, and raises a hand to gently run his finger along the seam of Yixing’s sleeve, just to have something to do. Yixing is very conscious of the touch, despite how much he tries to act unaffected, and represses the urge to shiver until Baekhyun eventually stops. Yixing can only wonder what’s on his mind.

“I guess there’s you now, though,” Baekhyun suddenly continues. Yixing's eyes slightly widen as he sits on the edge of the bed, looking back at Baekhyun over his shoulder. “But you’re here in the city, anyway. So that worked out well.”

“What, you’d visit home for me?”

“Maybe.” Baekhyun gives Yixing a wily smile, before suddenly grabbing him by the arm and pulling him down to his level, giggling at the yelp of surprise Yixing lets out. Yixing is now bent over, hovering directly above Baekhyun to the point where their noses nearly touch, and they spend a second just looking at each other. “But then we never would’ve met, on your birthday. And how would I know?”

“Know what?”

“How much I’d love kissin’ you.” Baekhyun enjoys the way Yixing grows visibly flustered, taking the opportunity to wrap his arms around the back of Yixing’s neck, bringing him down to kiss him sensually.

Yixing fists the covers around Baekhyun, not sure how kissing could ever feel this good, but nowhere near stopping it to ask. He closes his eyes, lets Baekhyun do what he wants with him, lets himself get kissed senseless, breathless. The touch of their lips slowly elevates to a heated makeout session, and Baekhyun uses his hold on Yixing to roll them both over so that he ends up on top, ravishing him.

Their lips mesh and fit so perfectly together, their tongues intermingling in a slow, languid manner that has them humming and sighing into each other’s mouths. Baekhyun straddles Yixing’s hips, running his hands up Yixing’s chest before letting them rest on his shoulders. Yixing keeps his hands busy as well, tangling his fingers in Baekhyun’s hair as Baekhyun drinks in all of his wants, his needs, his everything. It’s like he’s drowning in this sweltering heat, yet he’s never felt more pleasured, more alive, than when he’s with Baekhyun—he thinks back to a distant time, when Baekhyun frivolously wished for a “hot summer romance,” thinking that this must be exactly what he meant.

Baekhyun pauses, popping off of Yixing’s mouth and chuckling when Yixing blinks back at him, starry-eyed and dazed. He drops down again to kiss the corner of Yixing’s lips, making his way to Yixing’s jawline. Yixing’s eyelids flutter, feeling an inhale get caught in his throat as Baekhyun presses a longer kiss onto his neck. Yixing’s shirt had slowly ridden up over time, and Baekhyun takes the chance to let his hands roam over the exposed skin of his tummy, before sliding them up underneath the fabric towards area that’s still covered. The extra touch has Yixing burning up, and it feels like everything’s whirling past him, so fast.

Slowly shuffling backwards, Baekhyun plants kisses on Yixing stomach, slowly working his way down to the rim of his pants. Yixing’s breath hitches and he sits up all of a sudden, eyes wide and cheeks reddened. Baekhyun stares back up at him, the look in his eyes transitioning from lust, to curiosity.

“Are you okay?” he whispers, sitting up as well, leaning forward to kiss Yixing’s brow bone. Yixing shifts his eyes around, picking at the covers absently, unsure of how to answer.

“Yeah. I just…”

“I’m not going to do anything that you’re not up, for.” Yixing still avoids eye contact, embarrassed, but Baekhyun catches his line of sight, before tipping his chin up. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m just not sure if I want to,” Yixing hesitates, “go that far, tonight.”

“And that’s okay.” Baekhyun smiles, brushing back Yixing’s dark hair, getting a clear look at his eyes. “You can tell me…” He trails off as he comes in for a kiss, “mm...what you do want, Yixing.” The two get momentarily lost in their lip-lock again like it’s the sweetest wine, slowly intoxicating them and leaving them wanting more and more. It lessens Yixing’s inhibitions, making him feel better about his reservations, and he leans his forehead against Baekhyun’s when their mouths separate.

“I want…” He bites his lip, closing his eyes as Baekhyun runs his lips along his ear, his thighs squeezing together—or they try to, with Baekhyun sitting in between them. “Can you...touch me?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun murmurs, his hand dropping down to Yixing’s waistband, “do you mind if I…?”

Yixing’s eyes flit up to the ceiling, reeling from the wave of arousal that the thought sends to his stomach, his anticipation pooling throughout his body and feeling like it could incinerate him from inside-out. He finally gives a nod that nearly gets lost as he buries his face into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck, and before he knows it, Baekhyun’s hand has dipped into his boxers, the first touch of his careful fingers making Yixing writhe a little in reflex.

The room goes silent, save for the faint sound of Yixing’s sharp breathing. His voice has almost completely abandoned him, only slipping out in intermittent gasps and whimpers. His heels dig into the mattress as his body tightens, becoming more and more wrought with pent up tension and latent pleasure. Baekhyun’s lips hover above his jawline as he glides his palm, until finally, Yixing chokes out the words that barely take form.

“Baekhyun, I’m…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, having finished something else, sooner. Baekhyun takes Yixing by the mouth once more in a stroke of impeccable timing, like the acceptance and the savoring of Yixing’s final moan. Yixing rides into Baekhyun's hand a couple times, his panting simmering down and his mind completely blank, whited out.

Yixing finishes with a shuddery sigh, leaning his head back onto the base of Baekhyun’s neck, closing his eyes as Baekhyun painstakingly withdraws his hand from his pants. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Baekhyun repeats, a tenderness in his voice that only barely peaks up in curiosity. Yixing nods.

“I came within seconds of you touching me.” The blatant way Yixing admits this makes Baekhyun crack up, and Yixing can only follow suit. “It probably wasn’t very fun, for you.”

“Well, was it fun, for you?” Baekhyun asks, lips brushing against Yixing's cheek as they come apart.

“...I think you can tell.”

“Then it was fun, for me.” Baekhyun smiles with only kindness in his eyes, showing the kind of pure, tenderhearted consideration that Yixing doesn’t see, often. Baekhyun scoots off of the bed, beginning to head for the bathroom. “I’m gonna clean up, if you want to change.”

They lie in bed together for a while after that, Baekhyun leaning his head against Yixing’s chest, arms linked around Yixing’s torso. It’s been a warmer spring, so far, and with Baekhyun latching onto Yixing like this, it’s almost a bit too much. But he enjoys it, all the same—Yixing loves holding Baekhyun, but it’s a completely different experience, to be held by Baekhyun. To feel wanted, trusted, like someone who puts Baekhyun at ease. Someone Baekhyun is choosing to be with, on a late Friday night.

Feeling Baekhyun’s heat enveloping him, Yixing feels like he’s indulging in too much, yet somehow still craves more. The longer he lies there, letting his fingers flow through Baekhyun’s locks in an unchanging pattern, the closer he is to coming to terms with the fact that he wants this, all the time. He wants Baekhyun to be his. The lights are off at this point, leaving Yixing in the darkness with these longing thoughts trapped within him, only reassured by the sensation of Baekhyun in his arms that assure Yixing he hasn’t gone anywhere. Until finally, the words flow out of him, like a running stream.

“I love being with you,” Yixing admits, although he’s sure it’s not a secret. Still, he feels Baekhyun stiffen a bit in his arms, and decides that it’s enough of a prompting for him to continue. “I know we haven’t talked about this, about us, but...”

His words falter, and the longer he struggles to find the words, the more uncertain he feels. At last, he sighs. “Sorry. I don’t really know what I’m saying. This has just...been on my mind.”

A small part of him is hoping Baekhyun understands, like he always does, and that he’ll pick up from where Yixing leaves off. But for the first time, Baekhyun doesn’t. It goes silent between them once more, not one of their natural, comfortable silences; it hangs in the air, looms over them cryptically. Baekhyun then sits up slowly, his silhouette in the dark suddenly looking smaller, and the saddest shade of a cloudy, midnight blue. Yixing listens to the covers rustle and the mattress creak, as Baekhyun climbs out and puts his feet on the hardwood floor.

“It’s late,” Baekhyun says in a low whisper, tousling a hand through his hair and creating another barrier between himself and Yixing. “I think I should probably go.”

“Oh. Okay.” Yixing feels like his heart withers a little, his stomach churning as the feeling of regret washes over him. “Are you sure? You could sleep over.”

“I’m alright, tonight. Thanks, though.” Baekhyun gives Yixing a small smile that barely comes through from the way he tosses it over his shoulder, eyes nearly lost beneath his bangs. Yixing can only shuffle out of bed, himself, and gingerly follow Baekhyun to the front door.

He steps outside along with Baekhyun, closing the door behind him and leaning against it, hands in his pockets. “Thanks. For stopping by.”

“Always a pleasure.” Baekhyun does a cute little bow, and the two chuckle a little, together. “So. School’s almost out, huh.”

“Yeah. It’s weird.” Yixing shrugs. “I’m excited to graduate and start the road to getting fully licensed, and all. But now that I finished my stops at the clinic, it’s bittersweet.”

Baekhyun nods in understanding, his smile warm and reassuring, and it allows Yixing to feel a little lighter. Which he greatly appreciates, after what happened inside.

“I’ve been wondering, Baekhyun,” Yixing exhales, before looking at Baekhyun, hopefully. “That hospital’s been wanting to renovate the children’s wing, for a while. The huge, empty wall you always see, when you come in; they were talking about hiring someone to paint a mural, there. And I thought, maybe you could do it.”

Yixing’s smile doesn’t waver, “you’ve met a lot of the staff, by now—Sooyoung suggested it, when I showed them some of your work, and...they already like you, and said I should bring you in to talk about it.” Yixing looks down shyly, unsure of whether he should end it there, or add on. “You’d be paid. It’s also something nice you could do, for them… And, for me. It’s up to you.”

He finishes his proposal, and looks up to Baekhyun, trying to gauge his reaction. Baekhyun looks a bit amused, the corners of his mouth upturned into a cool little simper, which has Yixing even more expectant—all until Baekhyun opens his mouth.

“What am I, your boyfriend or something?” Baekhyun quips, and Yixing immediately feels his heart drop to his stomach. Trying to conceal how thrown off balance he is, he just lets out a meek, sheepish laugh. When it peters out, Baekhyun finally looks Yixing in the eye, looking a little apologetic over what he said. “Sorry. That’s just not really my style. They’ll find someone way better than me though, Xing, I promise.”

The genuinity that seems to settle into the bend of his smile, the ease of that look in Baekhyun’s eyes, makes Yixing automatically set aside his disappointment with the turnout, and he nods. Yet his dismay must still be apparent, because Baekhyun tilts his head to the side, and leans forward to catch Yixing’s downcast gaze.

“Hey. You’re great, you know that?” Baekhyun’s voice is soft, sweet and low, and Yixing cracks a small smile. But he can’t help but think Baekhyun’s words are almost an act of charity, for how both Yixing’s request as well as his earlier attempt to define their relationship had left something to be desired.

“I guess I’ll believe you,” is what he responds with. Baekhyun smiles coyly, tousles Yixing’s hair, and heads down the steps after saying goodnight. Like a breeze, Baekhyun makes Yixing’s chest tighten, his body shiver, before he’s gone.

When Yixing goes back inside, he just leans against his door, running a hand through his hair and heaving a sigh. It’s then that his conversation with Jongdae from that night resurfaces in Yixing’s thoughts as a mental reminder that Baekhyun can act far away, at times. It’s something Yixing knew, and it’s something that has never been more apparent than it was, tonight.

But while Jongdae’s words initially provide Yixing with some sense of comfort, it only takes a moment’s time for their intentions to blacken, and become the forewarning of a risk Yixing has secretly known and taken, since the moment he’s been completely submerged, drowned, in the intoxicated way Baekhyun makes him feel.

The risk that he may just be another game to Baekhyun, a temporary means of escape from his own boredom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic completely came to existence bc of pink lemonade by james bay  
> thank you for reading and commenting, i had no idea anyone would like this ;A; part 3 is in editing and should be out soon!  
> my twitter: [@eggsootart](https://twitter.com/eggsootart)


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long! i have a couple reasons (excuses) for this: 1) the holidays had me suuuper busy and i barely had the time to edit, and 2) i have a lot of issues with this part, and still do, but you know...sometimes when in doubt you just have to post. a big thank you to my friends who kicked me in the butt and convinced me to finish, and for anyone who's waited. here is part 3 <3

Yixing hardly stirs awake when he feels the morning cold suddenly hit him. He can barely process that it’s because Baekhyun is getting up, untangling his arms from around Yixing’s bare torso, lifting his chin from where it had been pressed into Yixing’s shoulder.

In the moment Yixing must have shifted a little, or given some sort of indication that he was awake, because he hears Baekhyun chuckle ever so softly before feeling gentle fingers stroking his hair.

“Go back to sleep. I just have to drop by the firm, there’s some stuff I need to turn in,” Baekhyun whispers. Yixing feels the weight on the mattress shift as Baekhyun scoots off, too sleepy and groggy to lift his head up; he hears Baekhyun take a few steps across the hardwood floor, before there’s a pause. The blankets are then rearranged to cover Yixing up to keep him warm, before Baekhyun leaves for real. Yixing easily falls back into a deep slumber with the tiniest smile on his lips.

Only to wake up again a little over two hours later from the alarm on his phone. His eyelids twitch as his sleep is disturbed in a not-so-sweet way this time, and when he finally drops a hand on Baekhyun’s bedside table, clumsily finding his phone to shut off the sound, he sits up in bed, mouth dry and face wrenched with mild annoyance as he groggily assesses the moment.

He sees empty cans of beer and takeout containers strewn on the floor from the previous night, as well as his shirt and his pants that he had slid off before getting into bed with Baekhyun. The sun is shining in through the window shades and making him squint even more, when all of a sudden, his eyes widen and he whips around to look at the time.

_”Shit,”_ Yixing mutters, throwing off the covers and trying to pull on his jeans while simultaneously combing out his disorderly hair with his fingertips. He's late to class.

He heads to Baekhyun’s bathroom just to splash some water on his face and steal some mouthwash from the bottle sitting at the sink, when he hears something faint from beyond the bedroom that must be Jongdae.

It’s only after his clothes are all on and he finds his backpack that’s been scooted over by the door, that the voices in the living room become clearer and he momentarily forgets his rush. He pauses, unaware of the fact as he starts to make out the conversation happening outside.

“...Minseok, I thought we weren’t going to talk about this until after,” says a voice that Yixing recognizes is Jongdae’s. As he sticks his notebooks back into his bag, he feels a bit awkward, thinking of how he will have to come out and leave with Jongdae and Minseok right there.

“Jongdae,” Minseok replies calmly, as always. Yixing had gotten to meet Minseok a few times by now, and he was a kind, genuine person—easygoing like Baekhyun and Jongdae, but much more outwardly mature, collected. But he never quite sounded like this; he doesn’t seem upset, but he certainly doesn’t seem thrilled, either. “I wouldn’t be worried about this if you never brought it up, in the first place. _You_ always tell me about how you want us to move in together, before _you_ just push it off because of this.”

“I just,” Jongdae breathes out, “I don’t want him to feel alone. I mean, can’t we maybe...live _with_ him, or…”

“I’d be fine with that,” Minseok says gently, and Yixing hears the floorboards creak as they pace around. “I love Baekhyun, too. But Jongdae, this isn’t just about him being lonely, anymore. You...keep trying to fix him, when he doesn’t even seem like he wants it, or needs it.”

“You didn’t know him back then, this isn’t him,” Jongdae gripes, his voice vexed and almost reeling. “He’s just...not the Baek I know, who only ever wanted to go up. Who had dreams, and so much love to share, and… Now, he’s already at the point of wasting his life away with flings and menial entertainment, what’ll happen when he has nobody to come home to?” Jongdae trails off, and Yixing feels himself freeze up. He doesn’t want to listen anymore, but he also doesn’t know how he can possibly make an entrance, while _this_ is being said. He just remains crouched on the floor, suspended in the middle of picking up his things, the ticking clock being the last thing on his mind, now.

“You feel partly responsible,” Minseok finally concludes when the silence goes on. “Because of how you let him go, and how you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, once he came back.”

“Minseok—”

At that point, Yixing can’t let himself eavesdrop any further. He loudly opens the door to let anyone in the apartment know he’s there, and he hears Jongdae and Minseok grow startled from the sound.

He quickly paces over to the living room, meeting eyes with a gobsmacked Jongdae and Minseok, who look exactly as he expected them to. They stand up from the couch, acting as if that conversation hadn’t been happening, probably because they didn’t know Yixing had heard.

“Yixing!” Jongdae says, his expression of shock thawing in a second flat as he puts on his usual grin. “You scared me half to death, I didn’t know we’ve gotten to a point where you’re here even when Baekhyun isn’t. Morning.”

“Good morning,” Minseok chimes in with his own gummy smile, before gesturing towards the kitchen. “We just ate breakfast, but there’s plenty leftover. Why don’t you stick around?”

“Morning,” Yixing hastily replies to them both, smiling meagerly as he shakes his head. “I would, but I overslept and gotta get to my morning class.”

“Oh, no. Wait just a second, let me grab you something!” Minseok calls, already scurrying to the kitchen before Yixing can protest. “A student should never skip breakfast!”

“He’s right,” Jongdae pipes up, walking up to the doorstep as Yixing hesitantly nods, before pulling on his shoes. “Do you want Minseok to drive you? Baek took the truck, but—”

“I’m really okay, you two need to relax,” Yixing chuckles, gratefully accepting the plastic bag Minseok hands him before being surprised by its weight. “Jesus, Minseok, you gave me a five course meal…”

“It’s breakfast, plus Jongdae’s lunch today,” Minseok reassures, elbowing Jongdae as he jokingly crows, _”hey!”_ Rolling his eyes, he then huddles Jongdae into his side, and smiles at Yixing. “Don’t worry about him. You need to eat—real food, okay?”

Yixing smiles back gratefully and nods, backing out through the doorway. “Thanks. You two aren’t even married but you got the parent act down.” Jongdae and Minseok both laugh at the statement, knowing full well that it’s true.

“Have a good day at school, kiddo!” Jongdae choruses, he and Minseok completely submitting to the dad image. Yixing, for a second, forgets the ominous conversation he had overheard as he smiles and waves the two of them goodbye.

For a second. Once he’s outside, the fresh, cold air enveloping him in its grip and shaking him back into reality, he can’t just disregard what he’s heard. He doesn’t want to think about it, to remember it, but it’s really not his choice; throughout the bus ride to university, his lectures and his ACLS training, the vague conversation remains in his mind, the words dripping down and coating the rest of his thoughts with their influence. He knows he has virtually no context, and it’s not even any of his business, but there’s no way he can just ignore what Minseok said, what _Jongdae_ said.

Yixing is stuck, and not given the chance to even try to figure things out. He’s barely been pushing down his worries of what he means to Baekhyun, which has already left him with much to be desired; every time Yixing attempts to ease into the conversation of their relationship, Baekhyun only shrugs in response or changes the subject altogether. Baekhyun just doesn’t seem to pay it the same mind he does, and Yixing is always too timid to pursue it. But now, after hearing Jongdae’s true worries, about Baekhyun’s life that has room only for _”flings and menial entertainment,”_ Yixing is kept up at night wondering what category he belongs to, if it’s even true.

He doesn’t even know which one would be worse.

“Yixing, you okay?”

Baekhyun’s voice brings him out of his jarring thoughts, making Yixing look up, eyes glossed over. Baekhyun’s standing in the kitchen, hands on his hips as he blinks curiously, once, twice. “You look like you’re trying to remember if you left the stove on.” He jokingly turns around to check the burner, jiggling the knob. “You’re all good.”

“Sorry,” Yixing laughs, shaking himself out of it. “I’ve been a little out of it. I completely overslept and was late for class yesterday, after you left.”

“Oh, for real?” Baekhyun’s playfulness fades, and a worry line forms in his forehead. “Did you get to school, alright?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. Jongdae and Minseok were there, and they gave me enough food to feed an army so I can’t even be mad,” Yixing rationalizes, making Baekhyun’s smile instantly return.

“That sounds like them,” Baekhyun chuckles as he finishes up the eggs he’s been frying, (one of the only things he knows how to cook) plopping them onto a waiting plate. Yixing props his cheek up on his palm, watching Baekhyun bounce around the kitchen as his mind continues to dwell on the one thing that’s been on his mind, the past couple of days.

“So, is...everything okay with them?” Yixing finally asks, keeping his voice level. Baekhyun doesn’t even bat an eyelash as he grabs a bottle of ketchup from the fridge, seeming to be completely oblivious to the subtle hint in Yixing’s question.

“Minseok and Jongdae? Yeah, they’re good. Although, a little stressed over some upcoming project they’re on together—speaking of which,” Baekhyun slides the plate across the counter with a flourish. “You finally have a break from school, for once!”

"Yeah, you're right." Yixing looks down at the omelette, smiling a little at the happy face Baekhyun drew on it with ketchup, before picking up his fork and digging in. The subject is changed, and Yixing temporarily decides that what goes on in Baekhyun’s life beyond his knowledge, isn’t any of his business, unless Baekhyun wants it to be. Like always, Baekhyun’s smile, his ministrations, make all of Yixing’s qualms, at least for the time being, melt into nothing—which has been good for the moment, but potentially dangerous in the long run. It’s shameful, he knows, but he just can’t help it. He can’t help just wanting to live in the moment, to believe in this immediate gratification and submit to the reassurances that he perceives in the corners of Baekhyun's grin.

Baekhyun continues to beam because Yixing seems to enjoy the snack, his eyes becoming happy little crescents that remain, even as he looks away to clean up after himself. “Do you have any plans for your final spring break, ever?”

“As boring as this sounds, now that you put it that way...not really. I guess I could go home.” Yixing pauses his chewing, looks back up at Baekhyun, and swallows. “But, honestly…”

“Hm?” Baekhyun hums as he stacks the frying pan into the sink, and Yixing shrugs.

“The first thing I’ve really looked forward to is having more time to see you.” The truth flows out cleanly, with no need for any sort of filter, and Yixing then sees something rare—upon hearing the words, Baekhyun’s face reflexes a bit in surprise, and the faintest wave of color fills his cheeks, fanning out to the tips of his ears. Yixing fights a grin as Baekhyun lets out a demure bout of laughter, averting his gaze as he turns on the sink.

“Well, somebody’s in luck,” Baekhyun muses, finishing soaking the pan before finally turning back to Yixing, his expression now refreshingly bright. “Minseok and Jongdae are overseeing a building being constructed, out of town. I was planning to take the truck and make a small road trip upstate, go see the oceans at Sokcho now that the snow’s melted.”

Yixing knows his answer before Baekhyun even finishes, but he lets him, anyway. It’s worth it to see Baekhyun flash that wide smile, before the golden question rolls effortlessly off his tongue. “What do you say, wanna go on an adventure with me?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He means it.

⇋

It’s a cold, Sunday morning when Yixing closes the gate behind him, breathing in the fresh air before heading to the curb and looking around for Baekhyun. As if on cue, he hears the faint melody of Baekhyun’s favorite song, followed the sound of the truck bellowing as it buckles down the street, and watches it approach from the distance until it comes to a hard stop right in front of him.

Baekhyun sits in the driver’s seat, turning towards Yixing and whipping off his sunglasses theatrically, before yelling over the music, “hey! Need a ride!”

“If you’d be so kind!” Yixing shouts back just to match Baekhyun’s unnecessary volume. He’s already returning Baekhyun’s grin of pure giddiness, slinging off his backpack as he climbs into the passenger’s seat and tossing it to the back. The second he clicks on his seatbelt, Baekhyun restarts the engine with a sputter, and they take off down the road, not looking back.

“There’s nowhere you wanted to stop by, on the way? We have the next few days all to ourselves, you know,” Baekhyun says as he adjusts his rearview mirror, curiously glancing from the reflection to Yixing and back.

“Home’s on the way,” Yixing mentions, already anticipating Baekhyun’s snort. “So I guess we’re just going straight to the beach.”

It’s a drive that spans several hours, but they never really get bored, nor do they feel the urge to sleep. There’s really no room to, in between bickering over what song to play next, playing road games that veer severely off topic, filling in any of the spaces in between with their talking. They cruise along the morning sky with the words they weave acting as their bridge, ride the sun as it rises and stays hanging like a pendulum, keeping themselves afloat in the sky blue afternoon. When Yixing finally begins to see the horizon line of the vast, sparkling sea, he rolls down his window and sticks his head out, feeling the wind swish through his hair and hearing the distant crowing of seagulls.

With the sights and the sounds that greet them as soon they dive into the coast, it only takes the exchange of one enthusiastic look between them, for the two to make the silent agreement to head directly to the ocean.

When Yixing first left his hometown to start college in the city, it was the most liberated he’d ever felt, at the time. But now that doesn’t hold a candle to the sensation of warm sand under his feet, as he watches Baekhyun dashing across the beach over to the shoreline, looking back at him with the most brilliant gleam in his eyes as he calls for Yixing to hurry up.

Yixing’s grin is uncontrollable as he watches Baekhyun scamper into the cold water with a shriek, deciding he can’t let Baekhyun have all the fun. He jogs over to where Baekhyun is sloshing around in the shore, immediately met with a splash as Baekhyun kicks a spray of seawater towards him. “Hey!” Yixing laughs, squinting through the sun and the saltwater that Baekhyun is attacking him with.

He raises his hands to shield himself from oncoming splashes from Baekhyun, once in a while returning one with a chop of his hand against the water's surface and reveling in Baekhyun’s high-pitched laughter.

This goes on for a while, before they both tire out a little, saltiness lingering in their mouths and eyes and their damp clothes sticking to them. Baekhyun finally leaps forward to capture Yixing in a tight hold to end their little play fight, still giggly as he begs, “truce!”

“Truce,” Yixing submits, and the two wade out of the shore to retrieve their stuff from the truck. They find a nice sunny spot where Yixing tosses their beach towels across the sand, Baekhyun already plopping himself down on one before Yixing can finish spreading them out. Baekhyun lies on his back, taking in the sun and closing his eyes with a pleased little smile on his face.

“Baekhyun,” Yixing cautions, digging out a bottle of sunblock from his bag. “Come on, up.”

Baekhyun, impatient to relax, pouts as he sits up once more, allowing Yixing to crouch behind him. He groans when Yixing begins slathering his back with the cold lotion, squirming around and constantly asking Yixing to hurry up. “Are you done, yet?”

“Hold still. Do you want to get burned?” Although it takes a while, Yixing finally gets Baekhyun covered, and it’s now his turn. He peels off his shirt that's already begun to stick to him from the heat, ignoring Baekhyun’s teasing little " _ooh!”_ and sits at the edge of their towel, waiting. Sure enough, Baekhyun squirts some sunscreen onto his hand and begins—but his touch is suspiciously sparse and light, causing Yixing to look over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

Baekhyun just stifles a chuckle, and Yixing feels Baekhyun etching what feels like random patterns onto his back with one finger. “What are you drawing on me?”

“Something very beautiful.”

Yixing snorts. “What’s that to you, a self portrait?”

“No, the view!” Baekhyun laughs, finally rubbing the lotion into Yixing’s back with his palm. “Isn’t it great?” Yixing looks up at the boundless horizon of the water, glistening and reflecting the sun’s rays in the most beautiful way. He nods.

“Yeah. I could stare at this, forever.” He suddenly feels Baekhyun lean into him, his bare chest against Yixing’s back, and his breath hitches. Baekhyun doesn’t stop there, reaching his arms around and dragging them up Yixing’s abdomen, planting his lips onto Yixing’s collarbone.

“You’re not half bad to look at either, mister.” Baekhyun’s voice vibrates against Yixing, his lips now ghosting around Yixing’s neck. Every touch singes Yixing’s skin, creating a shiver that races up his spine.

“Baek,” he utters, a bit nervously as he darts his eyes around them, “there’s people around.”

“I can’t help it,” Baekhyun says teasingly, nonetheless untangling himself from Yixing and finishing the job. “You don’t seem like one for PDA, huh. You're that shy?”

“Well…” Yixing gets that twisted, heavy feeling in his heart as Baekhyun once again begins to confuse him in the way that only Baekhyun can. “I just wasn’t aware that we’re...like that.”

He can’t see Baekhyun from behind him, which makes the seconds of silence even more excruciating. He finally hears Baekhyun huff a little under his breath, before he caps the sunscreen bottle and tosses it to the side.

“That’s true.”

Baekhyun doesn’t bother to say anything, further.

Contrary to their expectations, the two end up spending the majority of their day at the beach. Their throats are dry and rough from the saltwater and from laughing, there’s sand peppered into the nooks behind their elbows and knees, and their hair is stiff and sticking up every which way after dipping countless times below the water’s surface. Yet Yixing hasn’t grown sick of it. In fact, the sight of Baekhyun coming back from a trip to the water, shaking droplets out of his hair as he captures the glow of the sun on his pearly teeth, is the one thing Yixing wishes he could take back with him to the city.

Lying down next to Baekhyun and closing his eyes, feeling the warmth blanket over him, he just thinks to himself. Thinks, until whenever Baekhyun decides to add to the peaceful sounds of the waves.

“I love it here,” Baekhyun announces from beside him, raising his arms up, the outline of his fingers puncturing the blue sky above him. “There’s nothing more freeing than getting away from the city, sometimes.”

“Yeah. Plus, you must have been antsy,” Yixing comments, playfully lifting his own arm to lightly knock against Baekhyun’s, “you haven’t ran off somewhere in a while. Not since December, I think. Have you been ignoring your little voice?”

“It hasn’t really been talking to me lately,” Baekhyun admits, and in that moment, they both look at each other, in sync. “I’ve just been having too much fun, for once.”

Maybe a while ago, hearing this would lift Yixing’s heart without a second thought. But now, while he still smiles, it’s more drawn out, hesitant.

He finally manages, “I wonder why’s that.” To that Baekhyun chuckles, tossing a leg to lay obtrusively over Yixing’s.

“Guess you don’t let me feel bored.”

For the first time, Yixing isn’t really sure how to feel about a compliment from Baekhyun. So instead, like a futile attempt to convince himself he’s more than just a pastime, he leans onto his side and kisses Baekhyun deeply, cutting him off during a story mid-sentence and effectively taking him by surprise. It’s hot, drenched, and smothering, adding to the feeling of ambiguity eating at Yixing as he finally pulls away, silently receiving Baekhyun’s mystified expression.

“Huh. What was that about?” Baekhyun blinks in mild confusion, but an amused little smile pulls at his lips, and he reaches over to affectionately tweak Yixing’s nose. “You never do that, not out in the open. Didn’t we establish this, earlier?”

“I don’t know,” Yixing mumbles with a shrug. “There’s a first for everything.”

“Well, then.” Baekhyun sits up a little, gazing down at Yixing with a coy little expression. “Let’s make it a second.”

He then basically rolls on top of Yixing, stealing an even deeper, hungrier kiss that makes Yixing go dazed, dizzy, drunk. There aren't as many people at the beach anymore, with the evening rolling in early and the air beginning to grow cold, which allows them to make it a little risqué, if only for a moment. Yixing feels like he's some teenager, like they can get caught and yelled at any moment, yet still allows it, as if to prove something to Baekhyun. He lets a hand slide up Baekhyun’s side, assertively smoothing it over his chest before letting his fingers tangle in Baekhyun’s damp, matted hair. His other hand reaches downward, assertively grabbing onto where Baekhyun’s suit is still wet and skin-tight, feeling Baekhyun mewl into his mouth.

They barely come apart, just so Baekhyun can breathe, “you seem awfully comfortable.” He smiles against Yixing’s lips, pressing their bodies together and chuckling at the way Yixing stifles a sigh. “Check ‘making out on the beach’ off the list of things I never thought I'd do with you, when we were younger.”

“If you told me back then that I’d ever get the chance to make out with you at all, I think teenage-me would explode,” Yixing muses. Baekhyun gives that soft, husky laughter that Yixing always finds so irresistible, and Yixing almost closes his eyes.

"Who would've thought, good boy Yixing had a crush on little old me," Baekhyun teases, and Yixing scoffs, leaning his head back.

"It was obvious to Kyungsoo, apparently." This makes them both laugh, as Yixing recounts his conversation with Kyungsoo, Sehun and Chanyeol, and, frankly, how embarrassing it kind of was. "Be honest, you _really_ had no idea?"

"I didn't, I didn't! You were so sweet, and always happy to see me, sure. But you were kind like that, to everyone. I didn't think you gave a second thought about me, once I was out of your sight," Baekhyun swears.

"Funny. That's exactly what I thought about you," Yixing says, thinking back. He holds Baekhyun in his arms, their skin damp and sticky and making the lack of space a bit suffocating. But he doesn't mind. “Back then, I’d savor any minute I’d get to spend, with you...even now, it’d be a lie to say I don’t _still_ get ridiculously happy, at the idea of being around you.”

“Who, me?” Baekhyun bluffs, averting his gaze a little. He’s already shielding himself from Yixing’s stare, and from Yixing’s persisting desire for him. “Can’t believe you’ve put me on such a pedestal. Can’t say I’m worthy, either, or that I understand why.”

“Because you’re amazing, Baekhyun." Yixing recites it like a fact, not a mere opinion. "You’re draw everyone in because you’re mesmerizing, and… Blindingly bright.”

He immediately feels silly, and represses the urge to groan at himself. He can barely bring himself to look at the way Baekhyun raises his eyebrows, his lips thinning a little as he clearly grows affected from the words. He lifts himself off of Yixing with a small exhale, sitting up to face the sunset with a smile that’s barely there. Yixing gets up, as well, huddling his knees to his chest and beginning to feel a sting in his eyes from all of the salt.

“You’re too kind, as always. You sure you don’t say that to anyone, Yixing?” Baekhyun’s eyes remain fixated on the golds and pinks that flood into the sky, blinking slowly as he captures all of the light in his irises.

“Nobody else has ever really made me feel that way.” Yixing shrugs. Baekhyun still doesn’t look.

“You sure do love running your mouth about the strangest things.” He chuckles. “Since you’re all about talking about feelings, lately, I’ve been wondering for a while...have you ever been in a relationship?” Baekhyun once again proves himself to be a master at changing the subject. Yixing shrugs again.

“I had a girlfriend, my last year of college. But that didn’t last, obviously,” Yixing contemplates, burying his feet into the sand and watching it slowly crumble around his ankles.

"Well, I hope not, otherwise I think what we're doing here might be a problem," Baekhyun retorts with a small snicker, breaking into laughter when Yixing gives him a small push. "So. What was that like?"

“It was...nice. But Duling—that was her name, she didn’t really feel as strongly about it, at least not as much as I did," Yixing recalls, and Baekhyun's smile loosens at the corners. "While I was thinking hard about what my future with her would be after graduating, she already had hers all figured out, with me out of the picture. She said things like, ‘this was fun for a bit,’ or that I just never really made her feel that...full-out love. That what I had to offer wasn’t something meant to last.”

“Ouch,” Baekhyun murmurs, making Yixing chuckle.

“It’s okay, despite all that we ended things amicably," he reassures. "And yeah, it sucked that I was kind of a placeholder, but it didn’t take me long to get over it...I guess part of me knew that what I felt wasn’t completely real. I was just idealizing everything, hoping it’d all work out like everyone says love does.”

“Yeah. That happens,” says Baekhyun, softly. Before slugging Yixing a little on the shoulder, to lift the mood. "But, she missed out."

"Oh, how kind of you," Yixing drones, making Baekhyun sprout an indignant look on his face.

"What, it's true! Anyone would want someone as considerate and angelic as you," he says sardonically, pinching Yixing's cheek. Yixing groans a little, shrugs away.

"How I wish that were true." Before either of them can dwell on the words, Yixing continues. "So what about you? What's your dating life been like?"

"Oh, you don't even want to know," Baekhyun scoffs, swirling a finger into a spiral pattern in the sand. He doesn't bother to elaborate, and Yixing doesn't bother asking. Instead, a moment of silence passes before Baekhyun leans back, heaving a large sigh that helps carry them out of the topic in a cascade. “We should go, it’s getting dark. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught a cold, staying out too long to catch the sunset.” He stands up, dusting off his knees, and smiles. “You’d think a guy would learn.”

Sure enough, hunger, fatigue, and the cold soon lead them to gather their things, shaking the sand off of themselves, and setting out to find a motel. They wash themselves off, go out to eat and explore the city a little, get to work on the list of things they want to do here, the places they want to see. Baekhyun seemed a little looser somehow to Yixing somehow, sneaking in affectionate little touches whenever he could, something that was normally reserved for when they were in the privacy of one of their homes, once in a while clutching onto Yixing’s arm as they ventured through the lights of the city.

Late at night, after they’ve returned to the motel and buried themselves under the covers of their single bed, Yixing lays on his side, thinking about the day, when he hears Baekhyun sit up. There’s a long while of silence, before Yixing feels Baekhyun carefully press lower himself back down, and press himself against Yixing’s back—this isn’t so surprising, until Baekhyun suddenly leaves a long, subtle kiss on Yixing’s nape. Yixing wills himself not to turn his head, not to make any sort of reflex, knowing that Baekhyun thinks he’s already asleep.

It’s hard to contain himself. In that moment, Baekhyun doesn’t feel so far away.

⇋

The next day of their little adventure is spent in generally the same manner as the first, hitting the beach, then the city. Baekhyun pretty much yank Yixing around by the arm through it all, too much energy packed into every inch of him, making him physically impossible of staying still. Yixing feels like it’s almost wrong to be having this much fun, with Baekhyun never allowing a dull moment between them. He’s certainly blown a lot of money with the attractions he and Baekhyun insist on going to, but he never even feels a pang of regret; he follows Baekhyun’s smile and voice during walks along the pier, treks up mountains, strolls through parks, his only worry being how he can consolidate every single thing happening into his memory.

With so much to do in the daytime, they only really begin to settle down once the sun is long gone. Baekhyun takes him to some fancy restaurant by the port, and on Baekhyun’s insistence that dinner is his treat, Yixing is beginning to feel somewhat spoiled. It isn’t completely a bad feeling. But while he is able to feel like he has Baekhyun completely to himself, there’s something about the hush of the night, with Baekhyun’s face illuminated by the cold blue lights around them, that feels underlyingly melancholy. Like a reminder that these times won’t last, forever.

Long after they’ve finished and the check’s been paid, Baekhyun swirls the remaining bit of champagne in his glass, before tipping his head back, and downing it. He sets it down loudly, as if to demand Yixing’s attention that he already has, and he gives a quirk of his eyebrow.

“So. What was on your mind, last week.” It’s more of a statement then a question, and Yixing doesn’t know how to answer.

“What do you…?” he begins, but Baekhyun isn’t having it.

“I’m not dumb. That day, when you asked about Minseok and Jongdae—something was bothering you.” Baekhyun says it all in a matter-of-fact way, and Yixing feels his eyes widen. He wonders if Baekhyun is able to read him that well, if he's that perceptive, or if Yixing just can't fake a smile. Either way, he's being put on the hot seat, and Baekhyun is expecting him to answer.

“Oh, that…” He had been trying not to think about it, the past few days. Yixing hasn’t necessarily been expecting to talk about this now, nor does he want for this to happen, but he feels that spark he’s felt the whole trip, suddenly get dampened within seconds as he’s reminded. Of Jongdae’s worries, of Baekhyun’s distantness, of his own cowardice. Perhaps constantly allowing Baekhyun to postpone any conversation he doesn’t want to have has already started to take its toll—he can see when Yixing is vexed, even before Yixing himself, can.

“Just...say it,” Baekhyun says, and it seems that he already has an idea. Yixing stares down at the tablecloth as he finds the words, before finally willing himself to look back at Baekhyun, who’s waiting patiently.

“I overheard Jongdae, and Minseok…talking about you,” Yixing finally confesses, and Baekhyun’s ambiguous expression doesn’t change. “They said...a lot of things. But the overarching message was that they’re worried about you. Jongdae, especially.”

The summary he gives is sugarcoated to an extreme, but he doesn’t know how he can divulge the exact words that would be as hard to talk about as they were to hear. But with the vagueness of his description, Baekhyun still seems to know what exactly the _things_ are that serve as the cause for Jongdae’s worrying, and he heaves an almost silent sigh.

“Say no more.” Baekhyun then signs the check, gets up from his chair slowly, and exits the venue through the open entryway, pushing the drapes aside and heading to the balcony. Yixing feels an overwhelming guilt seeping through him, wondering if he should have talked to Baekhyun about this, sooner. He just didn’t think it was any of his concern; whatever went on between Baekhyun and Jongdae wasn’t something Yixing was even supposed to know of, in the first place.

He follows after Baekhyun, knowing that there’s no way things can end, here. Painstakingly sliding the door open and stepping outside, greeted by the sight and scent of the sea, he looks at Baekhyun’s grey, willowy silhouette before him. Baekhyun turns at the sound of Yixing joining him, and Yixing sees him holding a pack of cigarettes. Something Yixing hasn’t seen in a long time. Baekhyun gives what might count as a smile, pulling a cigarette out and putting it to his mouth.

“Hope you don’t mind if I poison myself just a little, tonight,” Baekhyun finally says as a cigarette hangs from his lips. “I could really use some unwinding, right now.”

“I’ll allow it,” Yixing replies, going over to lean against the railing with Baekhyun as he hears the strike of the lighter. He watches as Baekhyun uses his hand to guard the flame from the wind, before the end of his cigarette begins to burn with an orange glow. With slack posture he breathes in, breathes out, and shakes his head, making it all look like one fluid movement.

They stand there for a moment, side by side, listening to the ocean and both wondering what to say, and how. When Yixing is about to apologize, Baekhyun beats him to speaking up.

“It’s a long story,” Baekhyun states, and Yixing stares back at him, solemnly. “You sure you wanna hear it?”

“You could talk nothing but utter nonsense and I’d listen,” is the answer that leaves Yixing’s lips. To simply say yes just isn’t enough, anymore. Baekhyun smiles just a little more, but his eyes don’t look any less obscure, removed.

“No turning back, then.” He closes his eyes, breathes out a whisper of smoke. “The truth is, I didn’t go to Paris for some fellowship program, or because I graduated early.” Baekhyun takes another drag, then flicks the ash off beyond the banister. “I went because I thought I had nowhere else, to go.”

The revelation has Yixing thrown off balance, despite the way he freezes up in appearance. He’s immediately filled with a million and one questions, but knows that the best way to get answers is to just remain silent, and wait for Baekhyun to continue.

And continue Baekhyun does. “I met a guy, my final year. Fell so hard in love, you wouldn’t believe how over the top it was. It was the first time I actually had something so serious, so real… I got careless.”

“Careless, how?” asks Yixing. Baekhyun lets out a small cough, messes up his hair, hums as he thinks of where to begin.

“Well, to start with, I got found out by my parents.”

It takes only a moment for Yixing to be hit with the gravity of the fact, and it hurls him into orbit. Before he even recovers, he’s already piecing it all together. So many things begin to make more sense. And now, getting closer to knowing the truth only begins to make him feel agonized, nauseous, crestfallen for whatever Baekhyun has to say next. Baekhyun seems to be gauging the forlorn look on Yixing’s face, chuckling a little, knowingly.

“Yeah. I’d love to say the town pastor and his wife took well to finding out their son was gay, but.” Baekhyun leans his elbows against the railing, “instead, they pull me out of school, and disown me without a second thought. Say they’ve always suspected I was _wrong,_ somehow, but they just prayed that it wasn’t true. My brother didn’t even give a damn, just calls me to say _‘I tried to reason with them’_ before wishing me luck, not offering any help. I guess he knew life would be easier for him if I just disappeared.”

“Baekhyun…” Yixing murmurs, feeling like he wouldn’t know what to say, even if he was given all the time in the world to think about it. “I never really thought… I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever.” Baekhyun gives a lifeless shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe I should’ve told you earlier, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood between us, or for you to look at my folks, badly." He glances at Yixing, barely, from the side. "So, I'm sorry. It’s not that I never wanted to go home, Yixing, but I just...couldn't. That isn’t my home, anymore. It hasn’t been, for a long time.”

“And...Paris wasn’t, either,” Yixing concludes, and Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Despite how much I wanted it to be,” Baekhyun muses. “My boyfriend at the time, he was an international student from there. He said I could go back with him, despite the fact that we weren’t dating that long… That he loved me, and that we could have a life together in one of the biggest art capitals in the world, and where we wouldn’t be under such scrutiny. And to a stupid, reckless, enamored kid who just got kicked out of home, that sounds like nothing short of destiny.”

Baekhyun laughs, a bit self-deprecatingly. “Jongdae and my other friends tried to convince me not to go, they tried to tell me it was too soon. But there was no stopping me, once I made a decision. And I decided I wanted to get as far away from this place, as possible.”

Yixing's insides are already twisted into a knot with what he's heard so far, and he knows that, obviously, there’s no way the story of Baekhyun running to Paris with his lover could end happily. Unsure of how far Baekhyun wants to go, how much he wants to say, Yixing opens his mouth to say something, only to be cut off.

“I know you’re about to say I don’t have to continue if I don’t want to, right?” Baekhyun reads Yixing like a book, tilting his head in that fully enrapturing way of his, and pulling Yixing into that spellbinding gaze, once more. Yixing purses his lips and swallows, his throat dry and his train of thought coming to a standstill.

“It’s...true,” is all he can say, and Baekhyun chuckles.

“Don’t worry. Here’s every bit of utter nonsense of mine, that you’re willing to listen to for some otherworldly reason that I’ll never be able to figure out,” Baekhyun ruminates, the flow of his words coming and going like a dizzy spell. “This won’t be any surprise, but me and him, it went down in flames."

"Ah," Yixing mumbles, just to say something at all in response. Baekhyun nods.

“It's so obvious now, how bad of an idea it was. But it was everything I wanted, at the time. He understood me, shared all my interests and passions, showered me with love and compliments. But as the high settled down, and as we began to struggle making it by while still having time for each other, things started to get...tense, to say the least.” Yixing doesn’t feel the breeze that phases through him like a ghost, only having the capacity to feel and experience what Baekhyun’s giving him. He stares hard into the horizon, the ocean that now looks cryptically dark, abysmal. He doesn’t make a sound, letting Baekhyun’s words hang in the air. “I never ended up getting my degree, and in a country that spoke a language I didn’t speak, that had a culture and lifestyle I knew nothing about, I struggled to find work, and eventually, to just...feel good enough. I didn’t have any friends, only the occasional call I could make to Jongdae. I only had my then-boyfriend—and he only made things so much worse.”

“Worse, how?” Yixing gets out, it's barely a question and Baekhyun seems to have trouble coming up with a straight answer. He musses his hair, contemplating.

“It was... Well, he never hit me, if that's what you're thinking. But, he didn’t have to. Words can do the deed just fine, sometimes.” Baekhyun takes another puff, the scent of smoke and incineration well-settled in the air around them. “There were signs, even when we first started dating. My friends never really liked him, but like I'd listen. He started distrusting me all the time, telling me I was worthless, lucky to even have him. He'd destroy my work so I'd never have anything to show for myself, then criticize me for never going anywhere. Can’t believe it took years of manipulating, yelling, crying, and Jongdae begging me to leave, for me to wisen up. But, that’s how it is...you falls in love, fall in love _hard,_ and think you know everything about the world. When you barely know anything about yourself."

"That's not how it is," Yixing finally says after a moment of silence, of soaking in what was probably a severely glossed-over retelling of Baekhyun's experience. "That's not how it should be." Baekhyun tilts his head, something that might be called a smile hovering on his lips before he looks straight ahead, again.

“Ah, well. I left, that’s all that matters. And now I’m here, enjoying the view while I saddle my old neighbor with yesterday’s troubles.” Baekhyun takes one last drag from his cigarette, eyes closed as he inhales, before releasing a puff of smoke that immediately withers away into the cold breeze of the night. Yixing can only watch him, entranced above the heartache he feels, fully aware of the fact that the view Baekhyun talks about is going largely ignored. He can’t even be guilty of ignoring it, secretly indulging in the sight of Baekhyun’s soft lashes curled upwards and his petite, pink lips pressing together and pulling apart alluringly as he says something.

“Yixing? Are you even listening to me?” Baekhyun snickers at the way Yixing stirs back into focus, grinding the butt of his cigarette against the wood they’re leaning on, putting it out. “Did I bore you?”

“No,” Yixing protests, “I’m just...taking it all in. Baekhyun, I’m sorry. I know you’ll say you don’t care, or it doesn’t matter, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sorry. That your parents put you in that situation in the first place, that you were forced to be on your own while all of us back at home were just sitting comfortably and fucking laughing over how wayward you are.”

“Hey, hey,” Baekhyun reassures, still wearing that displaced smile as he pats Yixing on the shoulder. When Yixing’s expression doesn’t waver, Baekhyun runs his fingers through Yixing’s hair, in an attempt to pacify him. “I wasn’t on my own. I had Jongdae.”

Yixing must have shown in the flux of his brows, the concern in his eyes, that he knew that wasn’t the whole story, because Baekhyun’s smile fades.

“Alright. So. Jongdae,” Baekhyun says lowly, tipping his head up towards the sky as he gathers his thoughts. “After returning from that shitshow abroad, I moved in with him, held onto some odd jobs, and slowly began moving on. Jongdae was always so, so wonderful… I never saw us that way when we were in school, but what do you know, I ended up falling for him over the course of a couple years. But, I was late."

"Late?" Yixing says, thinking back to what he heard Minseok and Jongdae discussing, amongst themselves. Baekhyun nods.

“When I finally told him how I felt, his own feelings were more of... He knew I was hurt before, and he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to make me happy, he did, he was on the fence and hoped he’d end up feeling something for me too if we tried things…” Baekhyun trails off, before shaking his head at himself. “But it wasn't happening, and he told me the truth right away. That there was a time where he had feelings for me, but now that so much time has passed, that so many things happened between us and we've become new people, he couldn’t see me as anything more than a friend. I can't say he led me on, I know it was a pure mistake. And that he’ll always love me unconditionally, so it’s not like this story has a sad ending.”

“Yes, but…” Yixing diminishes.

Baekhyun nonchalantly replies, “I know. It still sucked.”

Yixing feels himself holding his breath, his hand so close to touching Baekhyun’s. Part of him wants to grab onto it, wants to attempt to sympathize and tell Baekhyun how great he thinks he is. But instead he keeps to himself, knowing Baekhyun won’t accept any pity.

“Do you still love him?” Yixing finally asks. Baekhyun makes a noise of pensive contemplation, like it’s something that he himself hasn’t really thought about.

“No, I don’t think so. Not in the way I used to. But,” Baekhyun aimlessly fiddles with the buttons on his jacket sleeve, “I’ve probably grown dependent on him, no matter how much I tried not to. He’s done so much for me, he’s the closest thing to a home I’ve got...and now that he’s about to get married, and he needs to start his life with Minseok, I’m kinda at a loss of where to go, from here. I know it seems dramatic, I'm mainly just stuck inside my own head. I just want to find somewhere I love, somewhere that feels right to be. But I always get stuck in the wrong places, where I’m not even wanted.”

“That’s not true,” Yixing demurs, looking at Baekhyun with pleading eyes. “Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun doesn’t really manage a response, beyond a shrug. Then a laugh. Then a barren conclusion. “Well. So now, I try to do everything by my terms, only. Does that sound reasonable?”

“It sounds...lonely,” Yixing laments. Baekhyun looks curious.

"It's not so bad."

"You don't have to put up that front with me, you know," Yixing says. "That things are all fine, that the way you feel is hardly valid so it doesn't deserve any attention. You can just be you." Surprise pulls at Baekhyun's expression, but his stability, his put-togetherness, never falters. Yixing sighs, “Baekhyun, don’t you think you haven’t found a place you love, where you want to stay, because you won’t let yourself?” 

At this, Baekhyun titters, still not wanting to take things so seriously, seeming amused at the sad possibility more than anything else. “Maybe that’s what it is. After all, every single time I’ve loved anyone, it’s blown up in my face. I got tired of trying.” Baekhyun rubs his nose, turning on his heel to head back inside. “I think that’s enough heaviness for one evening, I hate talking about such depressing matters. Come on, the place is closing, soon.”

_Baekhyun..._ Yixing doesn’t have the voice to say it, so he thinks it. He thinks of how hard it must have been for Baekhyun, how Baekhyun has been insecure behind his confident, headstrong facade this whole time. Scared, terrified, that he isn’t wanted.

But Baekhyun is already disappearing from sight, leaving this conversation behind in the dust, and Yixing as well if he doesn’t start moving. Even if Baekhyun wanted to hear Yixing talk about how wanted he truly is, Yixing knows he would never believe it.

The events of the night loom over him up all the way into the third and final evening of their stay, which they choose to spend hanging out in their motel room and drinking the wine Baekhyun brought, enjoying a period of peace after racing around town nonstop for the past couple of days. They exchange a few stories and secrets—although it’s mostly Baekhyun with those—and talk until the bottle is over halfway empty. They’re both getting warm, not quite tipsy, but definitely more lax than normal.

Finally Baekhyun sets down his glass, lean back against the wall, and teasingly raises an accusing finger towards Yixing.

“How are you so at ease?” he asks playfully, cradling the bottle in between his thighs, “I feel like ever since we met last year, you just let me pull you around. I don’t think you’ve ever protested to anything, not even once.”

“It’s not like you were asking me to commit crimes with you,” Yixing quips as he swirls the remaining wine in his glass, before downing it with a satisfied sigh. “If I like someone, I’m content just being around them. So whatever you want to do, I’ll follow. Even if it means watching your shitty, artsy movies.” Baekhyun tosses his head back to let out a full laugh.

“Aren’t you simple. I like that.” Baekhyun ditches the glass, beginning to chug straight from the bottle before passing it to Yixing. “So. You stay at the university hospital for another three years, and then you’re a full-fledged doctor. You’re already one of the most accomplished people I know.”

“I haven’t done much, yet,” Yixing says modestly, taking a swig and passing the wine back. “What about you, Baekhyun? You just want to stay where you are?”

“I suppose.” Baekhyun raises the bottle to his lips, pauses, then lowers it. “I went through a million phases throughout school, you know, deciding what I wanted to do. First I wanted to be a painter, have my work put up in every museum. Then I thought I’d be a concept artist. Then I wanted to be a teacher. I think my younger self would tear me apart, if he knew I’d end up a slave for corporate identity.” Baekhyun gives a laugh, shaking his head. “I have a friend from art school, Kibum, he was a star student in the music department—he ended up writing jingles for commercials, and I always give him shit for selling out. But, in a way, I guess I'm kinda the same. It's sad, when you think of it that way.”

“But are you content?” Yixing asks, interlocking his fingers together aimlessly. "That's all that should matter."

“I guess.” Baekhyun hums as he looks through the dark green glass, before tossing the bottle aside. “This is kicked.” As he gets out another, Yixing leans his cheek against his knees that are cradled to his chest, gazing at Baekhyun, somberly.

“That wasn't convincing.” They drink more.

“You're so talented, you could do anything you wanted.” The second bottle’s contents are soon dwindling, along with Yixing’s inhibition.

“One of my favorite things now is waking up in the morning, and seeing you sketching something by yourself. Even though you refuse to show me, sometimes.” Baekhyun pops open a third.

“How long are you gonna talk about this?” Baekhyun laughs at Yixing’s slack expression, oblivious to just how many of his drawings Yixing has kept after finding the pieces of paper crumpled up, discarded in the trash can by his desk. How much Yixing daydreams of the way Baekhyun looks in the morning light, delicate fingers holding onto his pencil as he draws, focus etched into his brows and his pink lips. Oblivious to the fact Yixing is dreaming of it even now, as he stares at Baekhyun with hooded eyes, thinking about how nice it’d be if he could just stare, forever.

“What do you keep looking at me like that, for?” Baekhyun suddenly asks in the middle of this clouded reverie, cocking his head to the side with an eyebrow raised, suspiciously. Yixing shrugs.

“I can’t name a better thing to look at,” is his straightforward reply, and Baekhyun hides his face in his palm.

“God, you’re getting drunk.”

“So are you!” Yixing laughs at the rosiness of Baekhyun’s cheeks, the way he constantly fails to keep a straight face. They both fall into a bout of hysterical laughter, playfully kicking at each other. When they finally settle down, Baekhyun fans himself a little as he brushes his pale hair out of his face, sighing.

“Lately, I’ve thought about it. Doing something else with my life, I mean.” Baekhyun lulls his head back, closing his eyes drowsily. “Sometimes I want to make stories. Maybe for people of all ages. Problem is, I can’t come up with anything worth anyone’s time, much less the motivation to bring it to life.” Baekhyun gives a breathy little laugh. “I’ve never really seen a happy ending. Or really any sort of ending, at all. I wouldn’t know how to make one. That’s just how I feel...every time I think of getting serious, again.”

“You know. I’m no artist, but,” Yixing slurs quietly, thinking of Baekhyun’s experiences, the emptiness and the loneliness he feels, that’s so clear and apparent to seemingly everyone but himself. “I think I finally understand you, better.” With that, Baekhyun _laughs._

“What, were you trying to figure me out? Was I some kind of mystery, to you?” Baekhyun muses, holding up his hands in submission. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing here but a self-serving art school dropout. Promise.”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing murmurs, looking up at Baekhyun with resolute eyes that almost go hidden behind his bangs, “why do you talk about yourself, like that?”

“I’m sure you can guess.”

“That doesn’t mean I understand, or that I agree.” Yixing can’t stop himself, ending up right in Baekhyun’s face, making sure Baekhyun can’t avoid his stare, his words, like he always ends up doing. “To me, you’re…”

Baekhyun puts a finger to Yixing’s lips, his smile slight, crooked, looking as desperate to escape as he does. “You’ve got me painted all wrong. Look at you, and look at me—I failed as a son, a lover, even as a friend. Yet you still give me that same look, that you always gave me when you were a kid. I really don’t know what to do with you.”

“You’re unexpectedly a downer, when you’re drunk,” Yixing relents, masking all of his confusion and dizziness with a smile that he tacks on, carelessly. “I’m the one who doesn’t know what to do with _you."_

“I know. I'm the one who told you I hate getting into heavy topics, too,” Baekhyun rags. He then cups Yixing’s face in his hand, so gently that Yixing can barely feel it in his incoherent state, letting out a sigh that fluctuates between exasperation, and tenderness. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who can get me like this. And I think you’re the only one who can fix it.”

There’s a second of placid eye contact that quickly grows heated, and before Yixing can say anything further, Baekhyun’s mouth is hot on his own. It’s sloppy, unchecked, drawn out with far more tongue and teeth than a kiss should have.

Yixing lets Baekhyun do with him as he pleases, melting under Baekhyun’s touch, unable to think. Through their lip lock they somehow end up on the bed, Baekhyun straddling Yixing’s lap and only breaking the kiss to begin shucking off his shirt.

Yixing can only watch, dazed and breathless, as Baekhyun exposes a little skin, unable to even admire before Baekhyun tosses it onto the floor, and occupies his mouth again.

The bed creaks, the covers rustle, the sparse sounds only accompanied by Yixing’s little moan when Baekhyun begins sucking on his tongue. His eyes wrench shut as he runs his hands up Baekhyun’s bare back, his nails slightly raking against the skin when Baekhyun bucks his hips forward.

The friction between them has Yixing gasping, forcing Baekhyun to pop off of his mouth. He looks down at Yixing’s wound-up expression with an flicker of something unintelligible, caught between lust and amusement, burning in his eyes.

Seeming to enjoy the reaction he’s gotten from Yixing and the obvious rise in tension that comes from it, he continues to torture Yixing with sensual rolls of his hips that send waves of arousal that surge down Yixing’s spine, pooling in the pit of his stomach.

“Ah, Baekhyun,” he croons in a tiny, breathy voice as he begins to reciprocate, responding to Baekhyun’s rhythm. “It…”

“Feels good?” Baekhyun coaxes, and Yixing barely manages a nod. It’s a green light for Baekhyun to progress, his fingers now busy unbuckling Yixing’s belt, jerking down his pants as he lays Yixing back onto the mattress. Yixing’s eyelids flutter as he gazes up at the dingy ceiling, feeling the breeze hit his legs as Baekhyun pulls his jeans off, then hearing the fabric hit the ground.

Baekhyun then begins unbuttoning Yixing’s shirt, working his way down until it’s all the way open, revealing a pathway of skin for him to begin laying kisses on, starting with Yixing’s collar. Yixing absently takes a gentle hold of Baekhyun’s hair as Baekhyun peppers him with soft graces of his lips, belatedly realizing what Baekhyun’s end goal was.

His back arches a little in natural reaction when Baekhyun moves below the waistband of his boxers, Baekhyun’s lips nuzzling his cock through the fabric.

“Baek—“ he keens desperately, looking down at Baekhyun with an expression overlaid with pent-up arousal. “Please.”

“Please?” Baekhyun asks playfully, sitting up and smirking down at Yixing. He gently smooths a hand up Yixing’s torso, before tipping his chin up, endearingly. “Are you okay?”

“…Yeah,” Yixing replies, knowing what Baekhyun means. His head feels like it’s ringing, the room is still spinning. “I want to continue.”

Baekhyun keeps his fond, warm smile, his hand moving up to cup Yixing’s cheek, then card through his hair. “You sure?”

They’ve never gone all the way. Somewhere deep down, Yixing knows that tonight, while they’re intoxicated and nowhere near able to talk about it, shouldn’t be the night that they do. But he’s unable to speak or even think straight, resorting to listening to what his body tells him.

He nods. Baekhyun then bends over, his lips ghosting against Yixing’s ear and making Yixing exhale, sharply. “You’re really something else, Yixing. You look amazing, you _are_ amazing.”

Their bodies press and melt together, both filled to the brim with that sweltering, addictive heat. Baekhyun’s jeans are rough against Yixing’s legs, but the scorch of his skin against Yixing’s more than make up for it. Yixing can’t tell if the heat is from the wine, how much he’s turned on, or the compliments dripping off Baekhyun’s tongue like honey.

“You don’t need to work that smooth talk now,” Yixing whispers, flustered yet undeniably pleased. “What you accused me of, the other day—you sure you don't say that to just anybody?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Baekhyun kisses him, long, deep, barely separates to look down at him with glazed over eyes. “Because I’ve never wanted anyone, as bad as I want you.”

Yixing can’t help that his eyes widen, feeling like his heart is lodged in his throat. The words scantily escape him, as he already begins to unravel. “I want you, too. I’ve always wanted you, Baekhyun.”

“Cute,” Baekhyun muses in a low chuckle, his fingertips ever so slightly hooking around Yixing’s waistband. “I was starting to think we’d never do this.”

Yixing closes his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek before placing a hand on Baekhyun’s chest to get him to pause, just for a second. He takes the moment to bask in Baekhyun’s curious but patient eyes, before letting out the breath he only now realizes he’s been holding in.

“I’ve never…done this with anyone, before,” Yixing finally confesses in a voice that’s barely there. He isn’t able to sense how Baekhyun almost immediately freezes. Unsure of what to say next, Yixing decides to wait.

“With another guy? I thought, you and your girlfriend, would’ve,” Baekhyun begins to ask, his voice still soft. Yixing gingerly shakes his head.

“Never, with anyone. She and I fooled around, but never all the way...” Yixing shrugs. “And I’ve just never been interested in doing this with someone I don’t feel strongly for.”

He hesitates. Before he just goes for it. “Like...the way I feel for you.”

The seconds that pass after he says these words are excruciating. All of the heat from before washes away into nothing, as Baekhyun finally sits up, and removes himself from where he’s been tangled up in Yixing. It’s the clearest thing Yixing’s felt tonight, the cold he feels, the way he shatters when Baekhyun drifts to the edge of the bed, once again distancing himself.

“I wish you’d stop saying stuff like that,” Baekhyun finally murmurs, carding a hand through his damaged hair. “We shouldn’t do this. We drank too much, and you don’t know what you’re saying.”

This all felt familiar somehow, to Yixing, who suddenly realizes this sensation, how it feels to be treated like a kid, like someone who doesn’t know better. He opens his mouth to say that he _does_ know what he’s saying, he _does_ understand, but nothing comes out other than a short hitch of his breath.

He doesn’t care that Baekhyun stops it, in fact, the last remnants of his sober, rational self are extremely grateful. What hurts is _why_ Baekhyun does it, the blatant way he ignores Yixing’s attempt to pour his heart out, his rush to once again, dodge Yixing’s feelings for him, his desire to talk things through. Tears spring to Yixing’s eyes at the thought, and he wrenches his eyes shut to keep the dam that’s been building within him for how many months, from breaking.

“Baekhyun…”

“It’s not a good idea, Yixing.” Baekhyun then stands up, picks up his discarded shirt and pulls it back over his head, before heading towards the door where his coat’s hanging. Yixing wonders how he's already on the other side of the room. “I’m gonna step out real quick, I forgot there’s someone here I wanted to see before I left. You should get some sleep, and—” Baekhyun stops to hastily scuff over to the fridge, opening it to grab a water bottle that he painstakingly places on Yixing’s bedside. “Drink some water, we don’t want you getting sick in the morning.”

Yixing can finally see Baekhyun’s face again in that split second, but it only makes him feel that much worse. Baekhyun’s smile is empty, the sadness in its appearance only matched by the hollowness in his eyes. Yet Yixing knows he must look far worse. Baekhyun never looks directly at him, nor does he wait for an answer, opting to slip out the door without another word. And Yixing is left caged inside by himself, in a deafening silence that follows the click of the lock.

Sleep doesn’t come easily. After a bit of drunken crying, a lot of regret and a few seconds of throwing up in a shrub past the balcony, Yixing is finally able to drift off with puffy eyes, a tortured mind, and a hand longingly placed on the space next to him that Baekhyun never comes back to fill.

⇋

The next morning, he wakes up to the sound of someone shuffling around the motel room, cold and still only using up one side of the bed. Without opening his eyes, he knows it’s Baekhyun in the room, having obviously returned at some point, whenever it was—contrary to Yixing’s worries throughout the night. Yixing sits up, dry-eyed and disheveled, not saying a word even when Baekhyun glances back at him.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Baekhyun remarks with a gentle smile, slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder. “Feeling okay?”

Yixing shrugs. Baekhyun’s smile doesn’t falter. The details of last night are foggy but still leave scars in Yixing’s mind, and he knows Baekhyun couldn’t have possibly forgotten them, either.

“When’d you get back?” Yixing finally asks as he runs a hand through his hair that’s starting to feel dirty, his voice coming out crackled and low. Baekhyun gives a hum, tapping on his chin.

“A few hours ago, I was out seeing an old friend and the time slipped my mind. But I’m perfectly up to drive, don’t worry.” With that, Baekhyun opens the door and lets in an onslaught of sunlight that now only serves to make Yixing want to grimace. “Well, take your time packing up, we’ll head out whenever you’re ready.”

Yixing sits there for a long moment after Baekhyun disappears once more, the bit of sleep he’s gotten having done nothing for his convoluted thoughts. Finally, purely out of necessity, he gets up to splash his face with cold water at the sink, trying but failing to wake himself up. He knows it’s no use to try and silence that painful throb in his chest, and proceeds to pack his things, put on his clothes, and head out, eyes dry and shoulders sunken.

His heart only grows heavier as he sees Baekhyun outside, who’s leaning against the truck and looking down at his phone, looking as unassuming and unaffected as Yixing expected he would.

“Baekhyun,” Yixing starts in a low voice once he’s caught up to Baekhyun, eyes still downtrodden. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course,” Baekhyun chirps, looking up with those unrelentingly bright eyes, tilting his head. “What do you need me to do?”

“Take me home.” Yixing looks off into the hazy horizon line of the sea, not wanting to see Baekhyun’s expression flex with what would be either curiosity, or reluctance. “To Sinbuk.”

It came out more like a command than a request, and he instantly feels remorse eating away at him. Under his breath, he adds, “...Please.”

“Huh. Alright, no problem,” Baekhyun says after a short pause, going around to shut the trunk, not bothering to ask. Yixing assumed he probably didn’t want to get into anything, which was fine by him.

After everything’s loaded and they’ve both boarded the truck, Baekhyun starts the engine that comes to life with a rumble and a wheeze, before they depart with a grind of the tires against the asphalt, leaving the the past three days behind them.

The ride is unsettlingly quiet for the couple of hours it takes to reach their hometown, save for the radio that’s blanketed by static for nearly the whole drive. Yixing keeps tightly to himself, never looking away from the window as if his neck is stuck like that, turnt away from Baekhyun. Even when Baekhyun speaks.

“Any reason you suddenly gotta go home?” Baekhyun asks, his tone ambiguous. Yixing swallows, then shrugs.

“I just...need some peace, before I go back to Seoul.” _I need some time apart from you._ “I haven’t gone back, since last year.” _I’ve spent all my time in the city, waiting for you whenever you were gone._

“Ah, I get it.” The car suddenly lurches when Baekhyun doesn’t notice a car in his blindspot as he tries to switch lanes, and he mutters a swear as he swerves the car back into line, frowning at the honking of traffic that blares towards him. “Fuck, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” It goes quiet for another moment, as Baekhyun waits for Yixing to tease him about his bad driving and Yixing finds himself without the energy to do so. Instead, he offers, “I’ll pay you for gas, Baekhyun.”

“Hm? Don’t worry about that, Xing,” Baekhyun dismisses, sighing when the radio hisses and buzzes as they take an exit, finally turning it off. “I’m the one who invited you to come along. Sinbuk’s on the way, anyway.”

“Still…”

“Hey. I’m older, I should be the one taking care of you, remember?” Baekhyun gives a light snicker, and Yixing keeps in an exhale. “Besides. Having you around has made things way more fun.”

At that point the scenery starts to become familiar, as Yixing starts to see the signs and the streets that welcome him back to his little hometown. He returns all of his focus back to the outside, ready to exit his and Baekhyun’s little bubble to try and learn to breathe, again. He mentally places his younger self in the swingset in the park, the fountain outside the movie theatre, the supermarket his mother always took him to, as they all flit past his eyes in the span of seconds. Baekhyun goes noticeably reticent as well, and Yixing realizes this is the first time he’s been back, in so many years. Despite the mess inside his own head, he involuntarily grows pre-occupied, wondering what Baekhyun’s feeling, right now.

“It’s after that light, past the school—”

“Right. I remember.” Baekhyun huffs through his nose a little, and at last, Yixing glances at him to see a sombre little smile on his face. “This place is that small, huh. Nearly eight years later, and I’ve still got it memorized. No matter how much I thought I forgot.”

“Hard to forget your roots.”

“I’ll say.”

It’s not long before Baekhyun is turning into their street, the trees shrouded in slightly wilting flowers painted pink and purple to mark the remnants of spring, a sharp contrast to the autumn reds that had greeted Yixing the last time he was here. He watches with absent eyes as Baekhyun’s house comes, then goes, as they finally enter the cul-de-sac that no longer has Yixing reveling in pleasant nostalgia.

Instead it’s cryptically foreign, it almost feels wrong, to be able to come back here when Baekhyun, who’s right beside him, cannot.

The truck careens to a stop in front of Yixing’s driveway, and Yixing doesn’t waste a second grabbing his stuff, and climbing out. Baekhyun hops out as well, stepping through the grass and onto the curb, taking a second to look around and take it all in. His expression is pensive, weighted, dubious. Yixing can’t blame him, watching as Baekhyun tears his eyes away from his old house, to look back at him with his signature grin tacked on.

“Talk about a blast to the past.” Baekhyun tucks his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans, walking over to where Yixing stands, still closed in to himself, and leans against the hood of the truck. He tilts his head, his bangs nearly falling over his fox-like eyes as his smile persists. “I guess I’ll leave you to do your thing. Afterwards, since we’re here, wanna take a spin around town, for old time’s sake?”

Yixing purses his lips, looking up to meet Baekhyun’s still tempting, enchanting gaze that bores straight through him, taking a moment’s hesitation before he shakes his head. “No.”

Baekhyun doesn’t make a sound, and the way his expression begins to soften, from the crescents of his eyes to the edge of his smile, indicates that he already knows that something has irreparably changed between the two of them. He just can’t pretend otherwise, anymore. He lifts his head, staring solemnly into Yixing’s hurt expression, silently beckoning for Yixing to speak, as even now, Yixing is under control by his gestures, his lure.

Yixing takes a deep breath, ignoring his rapidly drumming heart in favor of his head, for once.

“You’re...bad, for me,” Yixing gets out. “I know you’ve gotten hurt in the past, the pain you feel is valid. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to toy with me, now. You won’t acknowledge the way I feel, or anything that can be read as feelings at all, you won’t let me just _talk_ to you about this, about us. Because this was never meant to be serious, because you don’t need a reality check—and you’ve made me feel like I shouldn’t even want one.”

Everything pours out of Yixing, yet it doesn’t make him feel any better; he only hurts more, with every word, every second he’s under the scrutiny of Baekhyun’s slowly widening eyes. “This can’t work. Turning me down is one thing. Drawing things out because you’re bored, is another. So if you’re not going to talk, if this is just another one of your games before _something better_ comes along, then...I don’t think I can wait for you, anymore.”

Saying it all leaves him feeling like he’s void of oxygen, like no matter how much he can say or doesn’t say, he won’t be able to come up for air. He tenses, Baekhyun’s image suddenly having grown cloudy, blinking back tears in an attempt to keep at least some of his dignity. He knows he’s about to break, he knows it’s time to finally end this one-sided downpour when Baekhyun continues to only contribute silence.

“Maybe you think this is unnecessary, or I’m being childish,” Yixing finally whispers, “but I can’t do this, Baekhyun. I need to grow up.”

“Oh.” A sound finally escapes Baekhyun’s lips, his face worn and frayed like Yixing has never seen, before. Baekhyun breaks their eye contact as he shifts his gaze around, at a loss, his lower lip paling from the way he bites down on it, until he breathes, “okay. I hear you.”

With a vacant bob of his head, he turns on his heel, heading to the driver’s seat of the truck, his shoulders looking so much smaller than they used to. The moment before getting in, he glances back at Yixing, his mouth contorted into a thin smile and his eyes red around the rims.

“Yixing.” He tousles his hair, opens his mouth to say something further, but shakes his head instead. “I’ll...see you.”

Nothing else is said, before Baekhyun lets himself in, starts the truck, and takes off. It's just like how it was when they were younger, like an unbreakable loop; their time together ends with Yixing wishing for too much, with Baekhyun driving off too fast, with Yixing's heart sinking too low. And like every single time before, Yixing watches, unable to do anything other than _want._

The second Baekhyun’s gone for good, Yixing completely disregards his own house in favor of dragging himself straight over to Kyungsoo’s. He's nearly trembling from the moment he knocks on the door, and breaking the second he sees Kyungsoo himself, opening it with an unassuming expression on his face. He feels like it’s been so long since he’s seen his best friend when in reality it’s been somewhere around a week. He wonders what life would have been like if Kyungsoo never spotted Baekhyun at the bar all those months ago, if Yixing had just spent the rest of that night with no worries, instead of putting himself on the road to creating new ones.

Kyungsoo isn’t even allowed to be surprised to see Yixing before he’s faced with the disheveled state Yixing’s in, tears suspended on his lower lids, threatening to spill over and cascade down his cheeks.

“Can I come in?” Yixing’s voice isn’t even present as he asks, and it’s a wonder that Kyungsoo can even understand him. But Kyungsoo does, and he nods, and they go directly upstairs to Kyungsoo’s old bedroom, like countless times before. Despite how familiar it should be to Yixing, lying with his head on Kyungsoo’s lap, staring at the ceiling painted sky blue, it isn’t—perhaps it’s because of how empty the room’s become since Kyungsoo moved out, perhaps it’s the onslaught of crying and incoherent ramblings that Yixing unleashes, that keep him feeling so far removed from the reality that surrounds him.

After a bit of crying that he tries to do as silently as possible, a bit of Kyungsoo waiting patiently and not bothering to ask, just giving Yixing the time, Yixing finally reaches a state of mild coherency that can allow him to try to put all of the nonsense he's feeling into words. And once he starts, he doesn't stop, finds himself unable to stop—which is probably the product of keeping all of his worries about his and Baekhyun's relationship buried so deep, for so long. He feels a bit bad for unloading everything onto Kyungsoo all at once, and so out of the blue. But Kyungsoo just accepts it all with a straight face, the occasional bob of his head.

“So that’s what happened.” Kyungsoo says it softly once Yixing has finally reached the end, a hand gently stroking Yixing’s hair as he lets out one last shuddery sigh.

“You don’t sound too surprised,” Yixing laughs hoarsely, still using Kyungsoo’s thigh as a pillow, his cheeks tear-streaked and pink. Kyungsoo clicks his tongue.

“I’m not _shocked,"_ is Kyungsoo’s reply. “Someone as free and lax as him, the way he’d disappear and leave you waiting. I suspected he was the type that was missing a sense of commitment, to anything.”

“Yeah. I should have known, too.” Yixing closes his eyes. “I just thought, the way he acted with me, was real. As dumb as it sounds.”

“I can’t blame you.” Kyungsoo furrows his brow, shakes his head. “Coward. Knowingly leading you on is one thing—but we all basically grew up, together. Doesn’t he have the tiniest ounce of capacity to care, about how you feel?”

“The past doesn’t matter, to him.” Yixing turns over, buries his face in Kyungsoo’s sweater. “He only has room in his life for himself, now.” Yixing laughs again, self-deprecatingly. “I should’ve talked to you, sooner. Maybe you could’ve talked some sense into me.”

“I don’t know about that,” Kyungsoo chuckles back. “You were probably too head over heels to listen, if I had anything to say. And also, it was nice, seeing you so happy...I was hoping things would work out, for you.”

“Yeah.” Yixing contemplates, wondering if the thrill of the ride was worth the end result. In the end, he can only conclude, “I wanted it to work, too.”

He stays at Kyungsoo’s house until sundown, when Kyungsoo’s parents come home. The Dos offer for Yixing to stay for dinner, but he politely refuses, explaining that he hasn’t been able to see his mother, yet. After saying goodbye to Kyungsoo and his family, he walks with leisurely pace back to his own home, only stopping to gaze at Baekhyun’s house once more from down the street, pursing his lips, and leaving it behind once more with a shake of his head.

The minute he steps through his front door, he’s greeted by the sight of his mother in the kitchen, watering her plants, looking up with wide eyes at the sight and sound of him entering.

_“Háizi,_ you’re home?” she asks, smiling as she sets aside her watering pail to come greet Yixing. But her smile fades when she inspects his face, and Yixing knows that, to her, he probably still looks tattered and worn, despite his attempts to fix himself up. But she doesn’t ask, and Yixing nods.

“I’m home.”

She immediately gets to work preparing dinner, going back and forth between rejoicing over Yixing’s spontaneous visit, and scolding him for not telling her in advance so she could prepare.

“Yixing,” his mother finally begins when she sees Yixing barely touch his food, a worry line on her forehead. “Why aren’t you eating? You’re not on some diet, are you?”

“No, _Māmā,”_ Yixing reassures, shaking his head. “Just not hungry, I guess.”

“This is rare,” Yixing’s mother snickers, as she sets down her chopsticks to fold her hands on the table. “Let me guess—did something happen with that boy you mentioned, long ago?”

“Ugh,” Yixing grimaces as an automatic reaction, and his mother bursts into hearty laughter.

“I’m right? Goodness,” she hoots, her thorough amusement eventually allowing Yixing to smile along at the sheer ridiculousness, of it all. “I’m not laughing at you, dear. I guess I’ve just never seen you brokenhearted.” Her laughter peters out, and she finally looks at him sympathetically. “What did he do, this boy of yours? Who was he?”

“You may not believe me,” Yixing chuckles, pushing his plate away and sitting back in his chair, burying his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt. “It’s someone you know.”

“Not that Junmyeon boy… Oh my, _Kyungsoo?”_

“No!” Yixing shakes his head fervently, before giving in with a deep sigh. “It’s...Baekhyun.”

His mother blinks. Yixing nods. She tilts her head. “You mean...the Byuns’ son? He’s returned?”

“It’s complicated…”

Yixing goes on to tell his mother a summarized version of his meeting with Baekhyun, what Baekhyun’s been up to, his true reasons for leaving. And he’s surprised to see that she isn’t, that she seems rather accepting of it all, in fact. She just listens with a wrinkle in her brow, nodding slowly, exhaling as Yixing finishes.

“I see.” She taps her chin, before finally saying, “I had no idea Baekhyun was back in the country. But...his mother told me several years back, that should he return, he wouldn’t be welcomed back. I figured, that it was because of that.” Yixing raises his eyebrows, staring at his mother in bewilderment. She catches this, and can probably predict what he’s about to say because she instantly squints back at him, chastising him before she even speaks. “What, you expect me to tell you such a thing like that about our neighbors, when it’s none of your business to begin with?”

“No, but,” Yixing begins, before deciding that she’s right. Even if he knew all along, that Baekhyun was disowned for being gay, it’s not like he would have been able to just bring this up to Baekhyun anytime, like a conversation about the weather. It was something that was best found out, through Baekhyun himself. “I just...I don’t know. I feel so bad, that this whole time I didn’t even know what happened to him.”

“He probably didn't want you to worry. But," Yixing looks up as the woman kisses her teeth, "I know. That poor boy, he had to grow up fast. But that means he’s a tough one,” Yixing’s mother laments, before cracking a smile. “He even grew up to be some heartbreaker, apparently. You adored him so much back in the day, too, always wanting to watch his games, or waiting for him when he was off at school...”

_”Māmā,”_ Yixing groans, wondering whose side his mother was on. “You’re...being pretty casual about all of this. In fact, you sound rather amused."

"I'm sorry," his mother chuckles, shaking her head, "it's just, quite something, to see my son feeling so lovelorn. You're growing up. You'll learn these things aren't the end of the world."

"I know it's not," Yixing says, now a bit embarrassed and unsure if he prefers his mother's sympathy over her teasing. "Like you said, I just..." his voice gets a little low, "admired him, a lot. Aren't I allowed to be upset?"

“Yes, yes, of course. Well, I don’t know what exactly happened, and I’m sure you won’t tell me,” Yixing’s mother says in a singsong tone that’s dripping with knowingness, “but I might cut him some slack, _Háizi._ That boy hasn’t been taught the most fundamental things about love, even while he was still young—his parents always favored Baekbeom while he always went ignored, unless they were criticizing him. Imagine years of growing up that way, coupled with everything he's been through, after. It’ll take him some time.”

“It’s not my job to fix him,” Yixing murmurs, and his mother hums in understanding.

“I know it’s not. All I’m saying is that, I’m sure he’s not as unaffected by you, as you may think.”

She lets the words sit with her son for a few seconds, before telling him to eat before his dinner gets cold. And Yixing obeys, slowly but surely, and the two of them don’t touch the subject again for the rest of his stay.

⇋

He goes back to the city with Kyungsoo as spring break draws to a close for both of them. Kyungsoo, too, doesn't bring up Baekhyun’s name again, but he can probably infer a thing or two from Yixing’s lack of any sort of update. Sure enough, Yixing and Baekhyun haven’t called each other, haven’t made any sort of contact since the day Baekhyun dropped Yixing off in their hometown. Which Yixing knows is for the best.

“You gonna be okay?” Kyungsoo asks as they get off the train and wait around at the platform, about to head different directions. Yixing smiles at Kyungsoo’s consideration, and hulls his bag over his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine, thanks. I’ll see you, soon.”

His heart is still heavy as he makes his way through the city, back to his apartment, unable to pass by any of the storefronts or familiar streets without thinking of a time he’s spent there with Baekhyun. Even getting through the gate to his apartment makes him think of that night, when Baekhyun had shown up here in an act of spontaneity, to take Yixing to see the stars. The night when Baekhyun kissed Yixing for the first time, the reason behind which Yixing still doesn’t truly know.

Junmyeon is at his desk when Yixing enters, looking up from his laptop with a smile.

“Hey. Welcome back,” Junmyeon chitters, and Yixing nods. “Baekhyun was here, earlier this week. He was waiting at the front door when I got home, said he forgot some stuff over here.” Junmyeon pauses, eyebrows curling in worry. “Did something happen?”

“It's nothing, really,” Yixing fibs with a small shrug, “I’m just...not really seeing him, anymore.”

“Oh.” Junmyeon looks a little embarrassed, and tilts his head sympathetically. “I’m sorry, man.”

Yixing almost sighs, wondering how much longer his friends will be walking on eggshells around him as if he had gone through an actual breakup, as if he had gone through an actual relationship. Nonetheless he shakes his head, smiles at Junmyeon who he knows means well, and says, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

After that, aside from the way his usual daydreaming about Baekhyun has turned into heartache, life more or less returns to normal for Yixing. He goes back to spending his free time with his friends, he no longer checks his phone endlessly during class or nights in, and he wakes up in his own apartment, every morning. He puts all of his focus onto finishing his final year of school with good marks, not missing the remark from his professor who was glad he was back on track after "seeming to let his attentions slip for a while." These are all things that should be so mundane, so second nature, yet Yixing can’t get over the absence of Baekhyun in his life.

It’d be a lie to say that he never let his mind wander to some imaginary realm, where perhaps Baekhyun would call him up, or show up wherever Yixing was in the hopes of getting to talk to him. But Yixing knows that it’s just wishful thinking, that he will just have to put up with this yearning state for a while before he can finally move on in his life. But remaining rational doesn’t make the situation any less agonizing, and he’s constantly stuck, pouring over all of the what-ifs.

But one day after being back for a couple weeks, he does get a call from someone he didn’t expect to ever speak to again, and it’s not Baekhyun—it’s Jongdae. It happens during movie night at Seungwan’s place, and seeing Jongdae’s name is enough to make Yixing tense up. After letting it ring a few times, he debates with himself up until it’s about to go to voicemail, before he finally heads into the hallway to pick it up.

“...Hello?” Yixing’s voice sounds as uncertain as he feels.

“Yixing, hey,” Jongdae resounds over the other end, “I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

Yixing looks back over to the living room where the movie is playing, his friends motioning for him to hurry back in time for the good part. He shakes his head, then remembering Jongdae can’t see it. “It’s okay, but I can’t really be on the phone for long.”

“Gotcha. I just wanted to know if you’d be free to talk, anytime this week.” Jongdae immediately gives a laugh. “That sounds cryptic, I swear it’s not. If you don’t want to, I’d completely understand, too.”

Yixing pauses, leaning against the wall as he mulls it over. He’s no fool, he knows that whatever Jongdae wants to say, is about Baekhyun. But he also knows that Jongdae only cares about the both of them, and he probably wouldn’t bother with calling Yixing unless he felt it was important. Without realizing it, he heaves a sigh, scrunching the fabric of his shirt between his fingers absentmindedly as he weighs the pros and cons.

“I’m free, tomorrow.”

It’s what he says, but he somewhat regrets it from the second he hangs up, all the way until the next day, when he spots Jongdae through the windows of the coffee house across from his university.

It feels strange to be meeting up with him one on one, although Yixing figures there’s no other alternative, anymore. He just watches as Jongdae enters the shop with a jingle of the bell on the door, smiles at the servers who call out a welcome to him, before whipping his head around, searching for Yixing. Yixing sheepishly raises a hand to get Jongdae’s attention and signal him over, and soon the two are sitting side by side at the counter, staring out of the glass instead of at each other as they sometimes talk, mostly sit in tranquil silence.

Finally, Jongdae gets to the point, interrupting Yixing’s self-conducted game of people-watching. “Baek’s pretty much moved out.”

Yixing’s eyebrows raise, but he still doesn’t look away from the window, a green light for Jongdae to continue. Jongdae chuckles. “He came home one day, said he found the perfect place, downtown, and that he’s sick of my nagging. But I know it’s probably because he wants me to be able to start living with Minseok. He’s funny—doesn’t bother to talk things through, he just does them.”

“...Yeah.” Yixing nods slowly. “That sounds like him.”

“He’s always dreaming up these crazy scenarios where he’s some kind of burden on us,” Jongdae then says, sounding just a little sadder—with how spritely he usually is, it’s very noticeable. “It’s probably my fault. I’m always tightroping between trying to talk to him when talking will only make him feel worse, and giving him space the few times he actually _does_ want to talk. Some friend I am.”

Yixing hesitates, before he says, “Jongdae, don’t think that. Baekhyun appreciates you, so much. He told me about your guys’ history, but...none of that is your fault. And you were always there, when everything else in his life was going to shit. That doesn’t count for nothing, you know.”

“Maybe.” Yixing eyes Jongdae’s smile as it returns a little, although it’s looser. It goes quiet again for a moment, before Jongdae continues, “I guess I just wanted to say sorry, to you. On his behalf.” Yixing glances at Jongdae, in bewilderment at the apology.

“What? You’re not responsible for him,” Yixing snorts, and Jongdae huffs along.

“No, but I’ll take some of the guilt for how utterly horrible he is at dealing with his feelings,” Jongdae admits. “I don’t know if you even want to hear any of this—feel free to stop me at any time. But, Baek never meant to hurt you. He just...has a lot of deep-seated issues with himself, he’s caught up in this whirlwind of self-hate that never lets him believe that someone else might care for him as much as he does, for them. And that makes him miss out. On a lot of things.”

Yixing stares solemnly at Jongdae while he listens, his chest feeling tight as he tries to even begin to decide how to feel. All he can think to say is, “did he say anything to you?”

“Not much,” Jongdae says truthfully. “Just came home one day and said, _'I fucked it up.’_ The dumbass.” Yixing shifts his gaze around as Jongdae scoffs, hating how his world is already beginning to be turned upside down, for the millionth time since he’s come across Baekhyun. But he still can’t bring himself to believe what he wants to believe, he can’t help but feel like all of these words are useless when they’re not from Baekhyun, himself.

“I understand that he’s been hurt, deeply. I think about it, all the time. But…” Yixing tapers off.

“I know. It’s no excuse for constantly invalidating your feelings,” Jongdae concedes with a deep sigh. “He hasn’t let himself be in love, for a long time. But, ever since he started spending all his time running around with you, he’s been...different. Even with the moving out and all, I get the sense that he wants a new beginning for himself, too—once or twice, I’ve even caught him looking at job offers. So I guess I also wanted to say...thanks. For helping him to wake up.”

“I don’t think any of that’s because of me,” Yixing begins to say, but Jongdae gives a teasing little shrug.

“You’d be surprised.” Jongdae digs through his bag, before pulling out what Yixing realizes is one of Baekhyun’s sketchbooks. “He left this around at the apartment. Figured you could take a look.” He tosses the book onto the counter, before getting out of his chair. He smacks Yixing on the shoulder, before announcing, “good talk. I’ll get out of your hair, now. You know you can call if you ever happen to need anything, right?”

“Sure thing, Dad,” Yixing finds it in himself to clip back, earning a bright laugh from Jongdae. He watches Jongdae go, before directing his eyes towards the small sketchpad in front of him, thinking of all the days and nights he’d seen Baekhyun scribbling in this exact one, always playfully keeping it away from Yixing’s eyes.

Yixing gives into curiosity. He painstakingly opens and flips over the front cover, immediately met with Baekhyun’s beautiful etchings of all sorts of things, from scenery that Yixing doesn’t recognize, to portraits of people he doesn't know, to still life that he feels like he can pluck off the page. He’s reminded again of how much he loves looking at Baekhyun’s work, and he loses sense of time for a second, hunched over the book as if to shield it away from others, studying with hooded eyes as he turns each page.

But a little ways into the sketchbook, Baekhyun seems to have grown solely interested in drawing one thing. Yixing’s eyes go back into focus, widening a little, as he realizes that the paper has been filled, almost in entirety, with sketches of himself. Outlines of Yixing’s face, or of him doing mundane things like reading, doing his assignments for class. Most are a bit rough or hurried, since it’s not like Yixing was ever actually modeling—but once in a while, there’d come one where Baekhyun was able to take his time with, rendering his portrait of Yixing with attention to detail, fluid lines and careful shading. Sitting across the table during their outings, looking off at what was probably a movie during their nights in, laying asleep with his face partially buried into a pillow in the mornings.

There’s an overwhelming heat that washes over Yixing, and he slams the book shut before he even reaches the end, feeling like this is somehow too intimate to do in public. Running a hand through his hair, he heaves a deep, longing sigh, fully aware of and falling victim to what Baekhyun is able to do to him, when he’s not even here.

He looks through the book again when he gets home that night, once more before he goes to bed. Even when he’s not staring straight at it, it remains in his mind, as well as the person behind it; every single thought and memory of Baekhyun begins to surface, from the good to the bad to everything in between, that Yixing has forced himself to push down, all this time.

In the end, he’s still craving desperately for Baekhyun—to hold him, to kiss him, to just _experience_ him. No matter how much he denies himself, how unwise he knows it is, he’s completely submerged in his hopes that Baekhyun truly cares about him, the wish Yixing has always held in his heart.

Sleep escapes him, as does his calm. He can only lie in pure anguish, not only disillusioned by how deeply he’s immersed in Baekhyun, and everything he is, from the bottom of his heart, but by how he doesn’t know when, or how, he’ll be able to heal from it.

At first, as the night stretches into its latest hours, he deprecatingly wonders if he’s come full circle since he first crossed paths again with Baekhyun, or even since he was a child. But he then realizes that it’s different. It’s not just a crush, infatuation, or idealization. It’s grown, it’s spiraled, it’s become bigger than himself, capable of the sweetest reward, yet the worst fucking torture.

Yixing closes his eyes, and projects the sight of Baekhyun’s millions of stars onto the backs of his eyelids, as he thinks to himself—it’s just pure, unadulterated love.

⇋

“Welcome back, Yixing!” Sooyoung calls from the reception desk, looking up from her clipboard to smile sweetly as Yixing steps out of the elevator of the university clinic. Yixing looks over and, upon realizing it's her, smiles warmly.

It's been another week of Yixing returning to the normalcy of his life, but his mind has been no less filled to the brim with thoughts of Baekhyun that are threatening to spill over. He hasn't reached out to Baekhyun, knowing that he wouldn't completely know what to say, and knowing that he can't fully trust himself to say _anything_ that would sound at all reasonable. But now that time's passed, and he's had time to cool down, he feels like perhaps a time may come where he can bring himself to talk to Baekhyun, to confirm if Jongdae was right about Baekhyun never meaning any harm, after all. Yet Yixing knows that even thinking about it will only raise his hopes dangerously high, and in fear of that, he always shrinks away.

“Orientation was today, right?” Sooyoung asks as she looks back at the big calendar hung up behind her. Yixing nods.

“Yup, I just got let out,” he replies, leaning on the counter. “Can’t wait to work with you, full time.”

“That’s my line! I’ve missed you, this past month,” Sooyoung chirps, extending her arms to receive a hug from Yixing. “Pediatrics is lucky to have you. Speaking of which...” She grins, putting her hands on her hips as she leans forward. “Guess what happened?”

“Do I have to?” Yixing titters as Sooyoung rolls her eyes.

“Fine. A certain _somebody_ came and offered to do the mural for the children’s wing. Free of charge, on top of that.” She claps her hands together in commemoration. “It’s really something else, Yixing.” Yixing’s eyes widen at the news, before he finds himself growing puzzled.

“Who?” he asks blankly, and Sooyoung raises a brow, judgmentally.

“You're hopeless, Yixing. Who else? The cute boy who’d always pop in every week, asking for you, silly!”

“What?” Yixing can’t stop himself from saying it, as he finds himself at a loss that’s written all over his face. He averts his gaze, unsure of what to say, what to think. “He wouldn’t, I mean…" He'll spare Sooyoung the details. "I didn’t think he would do it.”

"You sure have a lot of faith in your friends." Sooyoung then covers her mouth, "uh-oh. Should I not have said anything? Maybe he wanted to surprise you."

"No, no," Yixing laughs, patting her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I doubt it. Besides, I'm still very surprised. To the point where I'm having a hard time believing it."

Sooyoung shrugs, then tosses her head in the direction of the far corridor. “He’s supposed to be finishing it today, if you really don’t believe me.” She teasingly pokes Yixing’s chest. “What a letdown, I thought you’d be the happiest to hear about it!”

“Sorry—” Yixing snaps himself out of it, finally managing to smile. “I am, really. Thanks, Sooyoung, I’ll go check it out.”

He tries to maintain a lax appearance, but finds himself in a rush to get himself over to the other side of the hospital, walking with brisk steps as his mind runs a mile a minute, knowing what Sooyoung said is true but still telling himself it isn’t.

But sure enough, as he reaches the wide, expansive wall that always greets him every time he enters the children’s ward, he sees that the dull blankness from before has been replaced with something almost nearing chaos. A tarp is strewn messily at the edging where the wall meets the floor, a step ladder is strewn to the side of the room along with stacks of paint cans, painter’s tape is arranged from floor to ceiling, containing a symphony of bright colors and bold strokes within its boundaries.

It’s almost like a scene from a picture book, breathtaking in a cute sort of way. And from the style and the mural itself—Yixing doesn’t know where else he’d see dogs dressed as doctors on the moon—it’s unmistakably Baekhyun’s work.

Baekhyun’s nowhere in sight for now, which Yixing is honestly a little grateful, for. He isn’t sure what he would say, he really only wants to have a second, to just look. To look, and eventually, to smile.

He says hello to the nurses and other medical staff he’s worked with as they pass by, but remains in the foyer, observing, memorizing. Until finally, he hears what he’s tried to prepared himself for, and what he’s secretly begun waiting for.

“Hey, Doctor.” Yixing looks over towards the entryway, feeling just about a million emotions flow into him at the sight of Baekhyun standing there, his pale hair pushed off his face with a bandanna, his gloves, forearms, even a spot on his blue jeans, splattered with streaks of paint. Baekhyun wears what might be called a smile, the corners of his mouth delicately upturned as he directs his ever-enrapturing stare at Yixing, and only Yixing. “Like what you see?”

“...Yeah.” Yixing averts his gaze, looking back over at the splashes of color painted on the walls. He finally says, “I thought you said this wasn’t your style.”

He hears Baekhyun walking up to him, his steps clacking against the flooring and echoing around the room, until his voice is right beside Yixing, the sound and the feeling nearly making the hairs on the back of his neck raise.

“Guess I said a lot of stupid things.” They both look at the mural, for a while, and Baekhyun scratches his head. “It’s not completely done, yet, but…”

“It’s perfect,” Yixing interrupts. He means it. “Thank you.”

Another moment of silence ensues, and Yixing remains closed in, keeping to himself with his arms folded together, his eyes kept towards anything but Baekhyun. But he knows that if he’s learned anything at all, it’s that this is a chance, and he has to take it, sooner or later. He finally turns towards Baekhyun, only to find Baekhyun already looking straight at him.

“Baek, I—”

“Listen—”

They’ve both started at the same time, and in realizing it, the two of them fall into a small, unintentional bout of laughter. And to see Baekhyun smiling at him, after a few weeks that have felt like years, is nothing short of euphoric, for Yixing.

“Can we talk?” Baekhyun asks, pulling the bandanna off his head and allowing his bangs to spring back over his forehead in soft tufts. “If it’s okay with you.”

Yixing thinks of saying something smart, like _"Now you want to talk?”_ But seeing the hope and anticipation in Baekhyun’s eyes, the way he presses his lips together in waiting, immediately melts away any sort of apprehension Yixing may have. Until he can only smile, and nod.

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later, Yixing is sitting at a bench out at the courtyard, watching Baekhyun come back with two canned drinks from the vending machine. Baekhyun hands one to Yixing before sitting down beside him, and Yixing raises an eyebrow as he reads the label.

“You’re drinking coffee, now?” he asks, incredulously. “From a can, no less.”

“Hey, I’ve been working on that thing until late, every night this week,” Baekhyun retorts, motioning towards the hospital building as if it wasn’t clear what _that thing_ was. “I’ve been needing a boost, lately.”

“Yeah.” Yixing thinks of how he’s barely gotten any sleep this week, himself. “Me, too.”

He cradles the can in his hands, looking down at his lap, until Baekhyun finally starts The Talk. “I’m sorry, Yixing. I’ve been a real dick.”

“That’s a way to kick things off,” Yixing muses, and Baekhyun musses his hair.

“I’m done beating around the bush, okay?” At that, Yixing looks up at Baekhyun, sees genuine sorrow and regret in his expression, and grows solemn. Another silence ensues between them, longer this time, as Yixing collects himself and his thoughts. Baekhyun looks extremely out of his comfort zone, which Yixing can kind of understand—since when have they ever talked about anything remotely serious. And with the suspense in Yixing's reticence, Baekhyun is probably all the more nerve-wracked.

“Alright. I have three questions,” Yixing finally starts. Baekhyun reflexively looks curious, peering at Yixing with a slight raise in his brows.

"O..." Baekhyun's voice comes out crackled from the anticipation, and he clears his throat. "Okay."

It's enough of a cue for Yixing to begin. “One, why did you kiss me, that night?”

Baekhyun doesn’t waste any time. “The moment felt right.”

“So you just weren’t thinking, or did you just want a fling?”

“No,” Baekhyun denies, his brows knitting together. “You weren’t just any person to me, Yixing, we grew up in the same neighborhood, for chrissakes. But, I don’t know...after we met up again, after all these years, there was just something about you, now that I’m older, now that you’re older... And with the way you were looking at me that night,” Baekhyun shrugs, the tiniest smile forming on his face, “I don’t think there was a way _not_ to kiss you.”

Yixing purses his lips, feels his heart beat a tick faster. But he remains firm. “Alright. Two, why did you stop things, at the motel?”

“Wh—because,” Baekhyun gets caught up in his words for a second as the question both takes him by surprise and makes a couple people passing by look in his and Yixing’s direction, before he grows a little stern. “Well, for obvious reasons, we were drunk, and that’s never how things should go. Especially not your first time. You should've told me, sooner.”

"You never asked," is Yixing's educated answer, and Baekhyun hisses a little.

"Yixing." Hearing Baekhyun's genuine concern, brings Yixing at least a moment of relief. That, although it could have been done with more grace, Baekhyun had been keeping Yixing in his thoughts, during that moment he stopped things from getting out of hand. That he cared.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. But,” Yixing mumbles, “I'm pretty sure there was another reason.”

“...Yeah.” Baekhyun sighs again, longer and deeper. “I guess I just...didn’t know how to respond, like all the other times you tried to talk about us. You’re right, I just never wanted a reality check. And although I was drunk off my ass, it was never more real, than when you were telling me what you were feeling, when you were basically giving yourself to me. And I couldn’t think of anything else to do, other than find the nearest exit.”

“You made me feel so fucking stupid,” Yixing replies, quietly. “You did that, a lot.”

“I know... I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun blows up his tangled bangs, almost frustratedly. “I didn’t think I wanted anything serious. But I still cared about you, I _do_ care about you. I didn’t want to define anything, because I knew I’d disappoint you. I just wanted to spare us both the heartache.”

“Right, and that’s why you’d avoid my feelings while continuing to lead me on,” Yixing says sardonically, “genius.”

“I didn’t expect to get in so deep,” Baekhyun says, sounding like he’s being honest rather than just making up excuses. “Until it had already happened. I didn’t feel good enough for you, but...I still wanted you. So I ended up stringing you along out of loneliness, selfishness, cluelessness. Even though of all people, I should know how that feels.” He lets out a breath. “I’m sorry, Yixing. You don’t have to believe me, you can stay mad at me, no matter how many times I say it, but. I’m sorry.”

Yixing remains quiet even after Baekhyun finishes, before the moment finally comes, where he sharply exhales. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Baekhyun looks at him, and Yixing gives what might count as a nod.

“It’s no use. Even if I wanted to, I can’t stay mad at you," Yixing submits, although the weight that's been lifted off his shoulders hardly feels like a defeat.

The feeling of freedom is only amplified when Baekhyun’s eyes light up in that way that’s so familiar, so comforting to Yixing, especially when accompanied by his sunlit smile that almost makes Yixing feel like he could hurt his eyes if he stares too long. “Thank god."

"Don't be so surprised," Yixing says with a roll of his eyes. Baekhyun chuckles.

"Yeah, you're far too nice, but, still. I'm so...glad." Baekhyun gives an exhale that makes even Yixing feel like he's released all of that pent-up stress and uncertainty from his veins, all to be replaced by overwhelming relief. Baekhyun then, seemingly out of ideas of what to say next, or perhaps because he didn't anticipate for Yixing to forgive him at all, dumbly repeats, "I'm sorry."

"What's this apology for?" Yixing asks, a bit amused. Baekhyun shrugs.

"Just one more for the road."

"Yeah. You might mess up again, soon."

"Yup." The two of them finally share a small laugh together, and Yixing decides it's his turn.

"I'm sorry I said that you're bad for me," he says with a small shake of his head. He continues to aimlessly roll the can of coffee around in his hands, thinking of Baekhyun's sketchbook. "It's not true. You're a lot of things. But that's not one of them."

"God, I hope not. I'll do anything I can to make sure I'm not." Baekhyun leans back on the bench, and smiles again. "So. You still have one more question.”

Yixing nods, shifting in his seat so he faces Baekhyun head-on. “Yeah, I do. Three—what am I to you?”

He says the words, then waits with bated breath. It goes silent as he cages Baekhyun in his stare, gauging the way Baekhyun’s eyebrows slightly raise at the question, the way his lips move in preparation to answer. And then, there’s an ineffable softness that works its way into all of Baekhyun’s edges, and Yixing feels Baekhyun’s hand gently hover on top of his own.

“Home.” Baekhyun’s fingers subtly interlock with Yixing’s on the bench. “You’re where I want to return to. You’re where I want to stay.”

Yixing feels his chest grow tight, his heart being squeezed as Baekhyun say something Yixing thought he’d never hear. It almost grows to be too much, and he averts his gaze, still melting under the heat of the moment through his hand that holds onto Baekhyun’s.

“You said you’d disappoint me, but you don’t get to decide that, you know,” Yixing wanes. “I know you’re afraid of the things that happened to you in the past, but I’m not just a repeat of those things. I'm my own person, and I want to treat you right, and give you everything you deserve that the people in your life couldn't, before. You shouldn’t run from me, or from the way I feel.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” Baekhyun yields. “I won’t run, anymore. So tell me how you feel, Yixing.”

“How do I start.” Yixing looks back at Baekhyun, before answering with eyes and a voice unclouded. “I’m in love with you, I’ve _been_ in love with you. I won’t ask you to say the same, I know you said you’ve given up. But if you feel something at all for me, if you’re willing, then...maybe you could try. Try, to let yourself love again.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen immeasurably as he’s noticeably floored, spots of color rising in his cheeks as he takes the second to go completely and utterly flustered, despite his attempt to hide it. It’s Yixing’s turn to smile, his dimple a clear give away when he tries to maintain his straight face, and it seems to prompt Baekhyun to return it.

“Try,” Baekhyun laughs softly, that husky, velvet sound that Yixing can listen to, on repeat. “I think it’s too late, for that.”

With those fine words, Yixing can’t bite back his grin, looking back down at his lap. And he swears he feels electricity zip down his spine, when Baekhyun takes the opportunity to lean his head on his shoulder, letting out a playful, swooning little sigh that vibrates against Yixing’s skin.

“I guess you already know what you’re getting into," he muses.

“Trust me, Baek, I know.” Yixing bumps his head lightly against Baekhyun’s, earning a laugh from him that sounds and feels sweeter than it ever has, before. They stay like that for far longer than they anticipate, exchanging sweet sentences and finally figuring things out. It's a lot of talking, a lot of working out their insecurities, a lot of understanding where they are and what they want, and where they should go from here. But it's nothing they can't handle, not anymore. Once the talking's through, once they've stayed an hour longer like that—sitting together, breathing each other's air, just because they can—Yixing knows that it can only go up, from here.

The only obstacle is when Baekhyun finally remembers why he’s at the hospital in the first place. Neither of them want to leave this space, and purely out of necessity, Yixing forces himself to stand, bringing a clingy Baekhyun up with him.

“Man,” Baekhyun groans with a slight whine in his voice after walking Yixing to the front entrance of the hospital, “how can I work under these conditions?”

“What conditions,” Yixing snorts, although he gets what Baekhyun means. It feels like he won’t be able to settle down from this exhilaration, this delirious feeling of cloud nine for days. The only remedy would be to keep Baekhyun at his side. “I have to get going, anyway. I got graduation rehearsal.” Yixing tilts his head. “Speaking of which...did you want to come to that?”

“I wouldn’t be much of a boyfriend if I didn’t,” Baekhyun considers, and the sound of that word rolling off his tongue has Yixing both reveling in the elation he feels, and growing a little shy over how juvenile it kind of sounds. But he supposes he can get used to it, and maybe admit one day that he actually does enjoy it, since it's Baekhyun, after all. He nods, almost feeling a little weak in the knees over how surreal it all is now that the spark between him and Baekhyun is finally real, confirmed, tried and true.

He is only brought back to earth when Baekhyun clears his throat, and smiles triumphantly. “But I’m not gonna fall behind, because _I,”_ Baekhyun announces as he points to himself, proudly, “am starting art classes to finally get my degree, next month.”

“You are?” Yixing asks with wide eyes, and all the confirmation he needs is in the way Baekhyun beams. “Baek, that’s amazing. You’re going along fast, as always...I heard from a certain someone that you moved out of Jongdae’s place too, not too long ago.” Baekhyun initially looks confused at how Yixing could know that, before his expression settles down, seeming to be able to deduce a thing or two.

“Ah, well. I gotta grow up, too,” Baekhyun says, before giving a shrug of his shoulders. He looks at Yixing with a clear gaze that mellows with each passing second as his attention flits back and forth from Yixing’s eyes, to his lips. “Besides. I have a feeling it won’t be so lonely.” The words involuntarily pull a coy smile out of Yixing, and he fights the urge to look away from this radiant, blinding sun standing in front of him.

“Are you just going to recite lines, or are you going to do something?” Yixing asks, the softness of his voice taking all of the edge out of his challenge. Baekhyun becomes a mirror for Yixing’s smile, and he has never been more irresistible.

“Yixing, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” It’s what Baekhyun says, but he’s already drawing in.

“Just kiss me, Baekhyun.” The words barely dance off of Yixing’s breath, evaporating into the air.

"With pleasure."

The tender exchange ends as Baekhyun reaches out to take Yixing’s hand, and effortlessly bridges the space between their lips in a long-awaited, heart-stirring kiss. Yixing closes his eyes, only needing to feel Baekhyun’s warmth quickly and wholly encompassing him, to see everything that Baekhyun is, everything Baekhyun represents to him.

The past, the present, and the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue: yixing graduates, his mom and baekhyun watching together in the audience. baekhyun eventually earns his own degree as well as a job as an illustrator for children's books. they both get tired of calling each other 'boyfriends' and move onto calling each other 'husbands' instead (in a twist, baek is the one who initiates and proposes). they are very happy.
> 
> so thats a wrap. this started as a silly idea i had january 2018 that got pushed aside as i wrote other things. now it's a full year later and while this story is not perfect im glad it ended up happening! throughout last year i finally started posting baekxing fics, ive posted over 130k words total, + my writing's went through its biggest improvements. this year i hope i can keep writing about bx and my other exo sons (◡‿◡✿) thanks for reading, feel free to let me know what you thought, and have a perfect day ♡
> 
> Twitter: [@eggsootart](https://twitter.com/eggsootart)


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